A Dreaded Meeting (Private)

[Guest]

Alex woke up with a feeling of dread. He was to meet with Reila today to talk about something important...and he had one guess as to what this meeting would be about. If it had anything to do with what happened in Drachma, he felt completely hopeless as well as helpless. What could he possibly do to make the situation seem better? He knew that there was something wrong with him; He'd known for a while, but it was never as bad as that. Pushing back the spike of depression, he rubbed his eyes and made his way toward the woman's office. He gave a few disheartened greetings to people he knew on the way there, but nothing could make this any easier for him at this point. All the lieutenant could think about was how horribly this meeting might end. The only thing that gave him some comfort was knowing that it would be just him and Reila, because he didn't want to be the one who walked around Briggs with taunts at his back. Of course, that wasn't professional, mature behavior at all, but it's what Alex had grown accustomed to.

Finally, he reached the door to Reila's office, and felt his heart skip a beat. There was no turning back now, though - he had to go through with this. It was something he would have to do for himself, if not just to try and at least stay at Briggs, but the latter seemed unlikely. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door.

"R-Reila...?"

[Reila Tsukino]

The pink door swung inward and Reila stood up from the towers of paperwork to focus dully on the squeak of a voice that wafted in. "R-Reila...?" Was the stutter necessary? She wasn't going to bite his head off for god's sake. Well, maybe... In all actuality, Reila Tsukino felt more like a psychiatrist than the leader of Fort Briggs sometimes. People came to her because, as their superior, she was a figure of utmost trust. This, however was a different story entirely. Alex Krull had had a run in with a brush of her anger before due to Inimeg's insolence. That may be why he hadn't come to her until she had commanded it. Commanding a meeting like this...was almost considered painful for her. She hated it, but swallowed the negative connotations that came with feeling pressured to do something and stood up, a picture of smiles. Reila was good at smiling...because it came naturally. Regardless of how she personally felt, she smiled as brightly as she could so others could feel at ease. A smile also in the heat of battle tended to intimidate. Everyone felt awkward attacking a smiling girl! Shaking red bangs from her face, she pranced around her desk, trying not to knock over the millions of papers covered with battle plans. Battle plans... That was Alex's job among other things... He didn't seem too decent in the task. "Yes, I'm here! Couldn't see me behind the towers of papers?" She joked, adjusting her loose shirt and sitting down on her knees in the middle of the floor. Floor pow-wows were the best. Welcome to Reila's life. XD

A Fort Briggs soldier by the name of Roose Hertington had reported to her after the Drachma war regarding Alex Krull. The news wasn't good and happened to be rather...disheartening. In the battle, the boy's personality had flipped a 180. He shot a Drachman civilian and then another that was a woman, leaving her child there in the snow to die... Innocence... The civilians were Drachman, but even so that didn't mean that they were enemies. The battle plans themselves, too, had failed. What...just what was going on? She let out of puff of air, and met the brown gaze. He hadn't been happy about what he did so why...? Had he lost it in the heat of battle? She...understood that, but at the same time... He could be kicked out of the military entirely for acting out of line like that. It pissed her off. That child...that child was abandoned.....Abandoned... Suddenly tears sparked the edges of her golden eyes. She didn't dare move for fear that they would spill over. What happened to that child? What happened...to it!? Just like her... it had been left to die... Just like that. GOD DAMMIT.

"Tell me why, Alex...Why did you kill civilians during the Drachman war."

[Guest]

"Yes, I'm here! Couldn't see me behind the towers of papers?"

Alex froze for a moment. So she was in there, after all...and here he thought he could weasel his way out of this incredibly important time commitment. He knew that she probably heard about the incidents in question from a witness from the Briggs force, but he hoped that word wouldn't get around too much. Of course, he more or less trusted the militants of Briggs to keep their mouths shut when it came to things that weren't their business. Shaking the thought off, he stepped into the office, and looking past the massive, inhuman amounts of paperwork, saw Reila, on the floor. It looked like she was having a pow-wow...with herself...but it was obvious that Alex was to join her in her spot. He turned back, and hesitated a moment before closing the door. He didn't want anyone listening to this or peeking into the room while this was going on. It was too sensitive of a subject for the young militant.

The distress in Reila's eyes became clear as he took a seat across from her, and that was when he knew - this wasn't just some meeting purely for cosmetic reasons - this was truly something that she had taken to heart and felt the need to discuss. If it wasn't then Reila wouldn't have commanded this meeting in the first place. Shifting his seating position nervously, he ran a hand through his loose hair.

"Tell me why, Alex...Why did you kill civilians during the Drachman war?"

So there it was. The question made Alex look down, and felt ashamed. Gripping his pants, he felt a bead of sweat run down the side of his face. This was going to be tough, but he would have to get it over with.

"Well...I...it's a long story," he began, casting a quick glance up at Reila, then her hands. He would stare at her hands for the entirety of his explanation, which he continued after a short pause. In truth, this issue was rooted in his tension with his father. Even though this was a sensitive issue, he felt that it was necessary to explain his sex change so that everything made more sense. His father had rejected the idea completely, and as a result, had rejected Alex, which is what had started his angry outbursts. He went on to explain how he got his automail leg, and how that was the first time he'd ever lost control completely. His story wasn't a happy one, as that incident had grown into multiple, one of the most recent being the incident with Creta. It took all of him to explain to Reila that this tension between him and his father plagued him, and that he frequently had nightmares that he would lose his father in a most violent manner before being able to resolve the issue. He had lost control in Drachma, and it haunted him to no end. All of this, he explained to Reila, with all of his heart. He attempted to blink back the tears that rested at the corners of his eyes, but it was no use. A tear dropped from the tip of his nose, but he didn't dare release his grip. His knuckles where pale from the pressure.

"I...I hate myself after realizing everything that happened, I can't forgive myself for it. I... I just..."

[Reila Tsukino]

Reila has sat still listening to his story long enough. The moment he paused, struggling with his words, Reila jumped forward, finishing his sentence for him. Her eyes were more than serious, a cold, strong gold forged in the icy mountains of the Briggs Range. "I just..."

"...need to forgive yourself." She placed a hand on his knee and then wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close and resting her chin on his shoulder. Reila hadn't hugged Alex before--hadn't felt the need to before. The kid was always aloof around her and she never felt particularly close enough to really have any contact with him. It was clear that this whole meeting was forced and the very act of walking into her office seemed like a death march to him. But no! Reila didn't want it to be like that... This was Fort Briggs. If they didn't act as one, they would die alone. They were all a family... If one person wasn't smiling, it effected the others and hurt her. Everyone mattered. EVERYONE. She shut her eyes and took a deep breath before continuing. "Alex, we may not have talked much before, but that doesn't mean that you are any more or less a part of Briggs." She pulled away slightly and reached to wipe away the tear that had fallen, blinking away her own and giving him a soft smile. "I don't have a father so I don't exactly understand your pain, but...don't rush it. Take your time; be sure of yourself first before you charge headlong into it. I...I've killed a lot of people too. They may not have been civilians, but they were still human like you, like me... I can understand that. I have had blind moments of rage too... I guess I just lucked out that Shu was there to convince me otherwise. Hahaha... So don't worry about it." Reila smiled beautifully, placing her hands on both is shoulders. "Clear your mind. I'll give you a job that doesn't place you in the field. Would that help? Maybe you can assist me with this paperwork!"

Although Reila didn't understand what it was like to conflict with one's family, she knew what it was like to be rejected... Aside from being the most painful feeling in the world, it stripped you of your roots and left you feeling empty and directionless. Starving on the streets was one thing, but starving on the streets with no hope to continue life, that...that was just... She saw the look glowing through his brown eyes, self-loathing, regretful, and pained beyond comparison. A lot of soldiers looked like that, and a lot of soldiers couldn't be fixed. She tried and tried, but some people just weren't fit for Fort Briggs. Alex was. She saw the spark in his eyes glowing through the tears. He could do this; Reila knew it. That was why she wasn't discharging him; she would give him a new job--a job that he could deal with. If he wanted to go back to the field later, she would first be sure that he wouldn't turn the gun the wrong way again. That...that was something unforgivable. She didn't even need to say it; he knew... Why else was a grown boy shedding tears? He could work the field from the sidelines, over the radio and save lives without taking them. That was a job fit for Alex.

[Guest]

"...need to forgive yourself."

"B-" Alex stopped short as Reila's arm wrapped around him and she pulled him into a hug. This...this never happened before. Reila was hugging him? He wasn't sure how to respond, and his left hand remained in mid-air, not quite touching the young woman's back. When she pulled away, he blinked a few times. Did that really happen? He had expected more...more scolding, but then again... Reila never seemed the type to yell unnecessarily, and she always appeared to have a warm heart. Alex was learning firsthand that this...this was true. The lieutenant stopped breathing for a moment when his tear had been wiped away, and he quickly rubbed his face with his sleeve, sniffling. He... he wasn't supposed to cry in front of people like this. Reila continued to speak to him, and put her hands on his shoulders, giving him the most genuine smile he'd ever seen. Shaking his head, he began to tousle his own hair, mainly because he was by nature a shy person. After his awkward moment of shyness subsided (and his hair was sufficiently messy), he sighed, relieved.

"Clear your mind. I'll give you a job that doesn't place you in the field. Would that help? Maybe you can assist me with this paperwork!"

"I- Ehhhh? Paperwork??" He groaned.

Then, he began to laugh - this hadn't turned out the way he had thought. Not at all. In fact, it almost seemed opposite. Reila seemed to be helping him, and it felt...it felt good. With a bright, friendly smile, he leaned in and gave Reila a quick hug before standing. "Yes, it would help. As long as you'll still have me, I can't complain about anything...this paperwork had better watch out." Sticking his tongue out, he let out a chuckle. This was definitely a place he could get used to.

[Reila Tsukino]

"Of course I'll still have you! You're already Briggs through and through!!" Reila held up a thumb and winked as if her life depended on it, hugging him back when he went to stand. She stood too, giving her paperwork a glance. "Please, kick its ass for me. I can't deal with it aaahhh~~" She pretended to pull her hair out, laughing wholeheartedly and then stuck her tongue out as well. He seemed so much happier. It was no longer the death march, but a march onward to the future where together they could make others happy!! And maybe across that path, Alex would find the courage to confront his father. Reila was sure of it. For now, she would hold him close when he needed her to, and coax him into becoming the fittest he could ever be.

"Now, off you go. The paperclips are calling!" Okay maybe that joke sucked...but whatever. She was who she was and anyone who doubted that could SUCK IT!

[EXIT THREAD]

[Guest]

Alex had to laugh. It was just incredible how quickly things could change for the better. It already felt like things were better, and would continue to get better, as long as he could learn to forgive himself. It would be tough, for sure, but with people like Reila around, things didn't seem as bad anymore. He wouldn't have to hide himself out of fear that he would lose control - a huge weight had already been lifted off of his chest from this meeting alone. He gave the young woman a gentle smile, then sat down by the largest pile of papers, cracking his knuckles. If he was to start bettering himself, then there was only one thing left to do - start working! He pulled the first of the papers off of the pile and grabbed a pen.

"Don't worry, I'll kick its ass all the way to Gelemorté," he said with a playful wink, "Then those paperclips will really have something to talk about!"

[EXIT / END THREAD]

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