What Is Wrong With Amestris These Days?

[Nyx]

What a sight it is to see in barren, rocky West City, but a small child skipping cheerfully around town, with explosively blue-green hair down to her waist, and two gigantic feathery white wings shooting out of the back of her white dress? Nyx was carrying a small basket filled up with bread and oranges from the store she'd just been in, and was returning to... Wherever she was going? She was honestly clueless, but she would never admnit it. In fact, she would probably have just followed Hild and Aurel had they been grocery shopping, but alas, she was hungry while they were not. So she was lost in West City, with her groceries, when out of nowhere at all, some creepy creeper comes out of the bushes.
"Hey little girl. Got some groceries? Wanna carry home some candy with you too? I got some in my big old white van over there." Many things clicked in Nyx's mind at that time. For one, white vans often mean a pedophile. For two, candy is given to children from pedophiles. And three, obviously, this guy looked like a creepy old pedophile. So Nyx simply blinked and did what seemed most logical. "What kind of candy? I only like candy with sugar and caffeine and lots of artificial flavoring. None of that Low Carb Age crap." Well... Illogical was Nyx's logical, so she followed him halfway to the van before remembering an important statement.
" Wait a minute... Hild told me never to accept candy from pedophiles! And you are one!" Nyx pointed at him accusingly and he grabbed her ankle and pulled her towards the van, so she screamed and bit his arm. HEEEELP!! I'M BEING KIDNAPPED BY A CREEPY OLD MAN THAT SMELLS LIKE SHOES! SMELLY SHOES!!"

[Guest]

And so the pleas for help were.... unanswered so far. There was pretty much nobody to save Nyx initially until the van stopped at a road block set up by Nikolaus. Wielding his SMG at hand as he was basically trying to get back home. Yeah. From West City that he was at. Best way is to find ANYONE with criminal records, shoot them in the face, and jack their ride and deposit it at Central. Not only is there evidence banked in, but also a favorable review.

So Nikolaus popped over the side, around to face the driver. Smoking his favorite tobacco pipe as usual as he puffs out noxious fumes at the face of the pedophile. The pedophile driving the car coughing. Nikolaus unaware he has a girl inside the car.

"Sir, license, registrations and purpose of visit." Nikolaus says, yeah, in his most official tone ever.

"Is... is there a problem Officer?"

"Damn right there is son. Now show me the piece of paper or else I will FUCKING MURDER YOUR FAC-- erm... arrest you. Right." He retained his composure again.

The man was sweating A LOT, lots of tensions were abound as he was nervously shaking a lot. Whom he was dealing with was not just any Security Officer, he wore the black uniform indicating he actually has privileges (equivalent to the NSA in real life).

Nikolaus looked upon the papers, having a skeptical face laden and slapped on. Peering at the piece of paper before flinging it at the driver's face, turning around to walk back to his road block post composed of shrubs.

"Move along, citizen and butt kisser my business is done he--" He suddenly remembered something REALLY SHADY about that guy he glimpsed upon earlier and noticed. "WAITAMINUTE!"

Nikolaus turned around, pointed the gun and pulled the trigger, unloading a full magazine at the driver and the passenger which incidentally hit anyone in the trunk of the van (not Nyx as she was unharmed).

Nikolaus then unloaded the magazine and loaded a fresh one in. Now what was that shady thing that gave the man away for Nikolaus to murder him badly...? He just wasn't wearing his seatbelt, and safety is required by wearing a seatbelt... a crime punished by giving tickets instead of lead.

"All in a day's work. Now to think of a good cover story for the blatant murder of a few men unrightfully so. Abusing my position as a Security Officer." Monologued Nikolaus in a hushed whisper.

[Nyx]

Nyx had her pleas go unanswered for a long time as the creepy creeper who had also lied about the candy went towards his house, or wherever he was taking her. And the worst part wasn't that he had gagged her with dirty underwear and tied her to a chair and left her in the dark trunk, but she was also very frightened of this man's evil potential because of a very big problem... He wasn't wearing his seatbelt! Since it was a big van, it had one of those trunks with the little net behind the backseats, and she never saw him click his seatbelt! But then, out of nowhere, her savior appeared before her! Some military man stopped the man, and had a very strongly worded conversation with him, before popping major caps into him! As Nyx silently cheered, he put bullets through the rest of the van and, miraculously, she realized she could spit the underwear out, as bullets cut the ropes free. Cheering audibly now, Nyx ran from the van and charged at the man, to hide behind him, before seeing it fit to run up and kick the pedophile in his crotch first. " Thank you sooo much, mister, that creepy old, shoey smelling, looks kinda like Barney the retarded dinosaur, dontcha think? pedophile, wasn't even wearing his seatbelt! And he lied about the candy! There was none! I'm glad you shot him up when you did, can I have that gun, it looks kinda shiny, I like shiny things, do you have any ice cream?" Nyx completely assaulted Niko with the long list of random things she'd just said, which was spoken in about 5-6 seconds. Then she remembered something, something very important... She ran to the trunk of the van and found her basket of groceries! Huzzah, her bread and oranges were safe! She could never make deep fried breaded oranges without them! And obviously, just because she felt the need to, while in the van, she put it in reverse and jumped out of the car as it careened downhill, smashing into a number of mailboxes and exploding as it fell over a conviently placed cliff. "There we go! His face was creepy... So I had to get rid of him. Oh yeah, and can you help me figure out where I live? I would usually go shopping with the Fuhrer, but Hildy wasn't anywhere I could find her at... Actually, I didn't really look for her? Would you help me?"

[Guest]

Nikolaus blinked. Twice. He saw a little shrimp, also known as a little girl, had run behind him after hearing a mysterious applause, only to kick the pedophile's dick in. If he was alive, that would've hurt a lot. Her kick looked like she caved in his entire scrotum into itself and really did a damned number in on that pedophile. If he was living alive because dead people die. (REDUNDANCY!)

"Erm... you know, I meant to save you. I knew there were bad men trying to kidnap you and the--" He was cut off.

"Thank you sooo much, mister, that creepy old, shoey smelling, looks kinda like Barney the retarded dinosaur, dontcha think? pedophile, wasn't even wearing his seatbelt! And he lied about the candy! There was none! I'm glad you shot him up when you did, can I have that gun, it looks kinda shiny, I like shiny things, do you have any ice cream?"

Yeah, he was just cut off there, shrugging to the notion as he figured, fuck it all. Ice cream is awesome. That, and she spoke fast, yet Nikolaus took it all in with complete comprehension and fascination of this man-girl. To which his interest was further piqued as she had the van go in reverse, and promptly EXPLODE. After of course she saved her groceries. Nikolaus wiped off a tear of proudness from his cheek streaming down.

"Let's be friends!" He says jovially, though suddenly snapping out of his high-ho mood at the mention of the Fuhrer, "Small world isn't it? As it happens, I am from Central, REMEMBER THAT. Though... we're kinda far away from "Hildy-poo's" home, she lives over at this one grand place called Central where everything goes WHOOSH! And has a nice palace, bed, and all that shizz."

He looks around, well just up anyways, "This 'ere isn't Central, it's West city. The asshole of Amestris for it spawned... Burger Queen! That accursed fast food joint I loathe with every pennies... I have! Which is NOT A LOT."

[Nyx]

Nyx smiled as Niko took in her obvious insanity, and as she took in his own psychoticness, although she cared very little for it, because she had no interpretation of sanity and what-not, so how she knew of her own insanity, which she didn't was a puzzle within a puzzle, itself. Suddenly she was jerked from her smiling by the exclamation of friendship from a teary eyed Niko. She grinned and jumped rapidly, fluttering her useless wings in her usual, overly excited wmanner. "FRIENDHSIP~ Oh boy, you seem like you should have been my best friend for like forever and ever and ever, except for Hildy-poo and maybe Aurelly, but Aurelly gets kind of funny some times and it makes me confused, but yay, we're friends now and we can go eat ice cream and rob a liquor store!!" Then, he mentions he's from Central and, to Nyx's surprise and delight, as obvious as the fact is, that he, a militant of Amestris from Central actually knows the Fuhrer! (Which obviously everyone does with that description) So she does what little girls do best and looks at him in stunned awe and happiness. "Wait, you know Hildy-poo TOO? Oh wow, we really are destined to be bestest friends! And guess what? I live in Central too, With Hild and Aurel, though usually they don't want me staying with them for too much because they don't want people to think they have a 13 year old stalker, but that's okay because I just live in the park in Central when I'm not at their house or somewhere else, but I was actually born here, in West City, the home of the hated Burger Queen. Some guy there told me to buy him a Marijuana Burger, and I did, and I got one for me too, and he yelled at me for eating it, cus I should have smoked it... But anyways, yep, Drachma will be the undoing of Benny's. So yeaah~" And after her long and almost entirely incoherent speech, she ends with a very irrelevant comment, and runs around in circles, laughing...

[Guest]

"Lil' missy, if you rob a liquor store or an ice cream shop, I am obligated to throw you into some orphanage where you would probably be hatin' on for the rest of your days in an orphanage." Nikolaus says in an official manner, "But bah, you know, we could NOT rob it, instead, merely ask for it. My position gets me a load of shizz for free as you can see. And THAT is why you should join the security department missy."

Though after listening to this enlightened little shrimp's wonderful words of wisdom, Nikolaus inclined himself to a good smoke from his tobacco pipe that he lit up and filled with tobacco. Inhaling the most noxious and poisonous fumes as his eyes are bloodshot. Noticing he has been smoking far too much which annoyed him as his nails were lately noticed to be cracked and somewhat yellow with some nicotine stains.

Bah, the surgeon general can't be right on that count. Nikolaus wore a glove over his hand anyways to conceal the effects of years of smoking after all. He didn't catch the bit that she ate a Marijuana burger otherwise he would've probably had her vomit on the spot through artificial means, amongst other important details that could be detrimental to Nikolaus knowing. He missed it as he was concerned over his recent developments through his body.

And boy oh boy, he missed a lot of good parts about Nyx. Such as the running around amusingly bit.

"Ohoho, well then little cub, best we tarry along, taking grasp of this icing in the manner of cream upon ourselves." He muses, "Follow me onwards, I'll get you a freebie, and from that, you owe me unto myself... your life... that was just a joke. Now follow me, you just owe me a few Cenz anyways."

That said, Nikolaus made his way expecting Nyx to follow along to the ice cream parlour and all. It was a one nearby at the highway anyways to which Nikolaus pops right in, tensions high and all as he wore security department uniform. One may not expect them around unless it was some serious matter, that, and there were tales of a security department officer contributing to a 3% decrease to the local Amestrian fat population. The fatties in the ice cream parlour gave glance to Nikolaus of anxiety. Nikolaus merely smirked at them back, before looking forth at the ice cream vendor.

"Alright young lad, I'll have an ice cream milkshake, strawberry preferably. And I have a young girl for you to provide for..." He shines a grin, "Disappoint her... and you will have a lot to answer vigorously..."

Unusual as he was, Nikolaus was less jovial. More giving. He noted to himself. It was really baffling he shown this strange emotion called... generosity. For a stranger no doubt. Why hasn't he shot her already in the face? Why does he feel amusement and a sense of longing around her? Perhaps this is a fatherly bond? They were alien to him for the most part, and best discarded over a nice roll of an ice cream. No... this isn't just any niceness. This is familiarity to those familiar to death. A wonderful thing. Nikolaus hasn't lost his touch after all by being some sort of humanitarian anyways.

[Nyx]

Nyx stopped spinning at the mentions of the cream that has been iced by some methods. She hadn't paid attention to his official threats of official milititialarity, as she had no real care for the law anyways. She was more of a nonpolitiical anarchist anyways, so it didn't bother her at all. So she skipped next to him as he walked, her teal hair flapping with her wings behind her as she cheerfully followed Niko, jabbering to herself as to what to buy. Finally after a few minutes of walking, they had arrived at their chosen destination.

Nyx watched curiously as the many sweating whales-erm... Obese people... in the shop seemed afraid of Niko. Why should they fear him? Did he steal people's ice cream? Maybe Nyx had messed up somewhere long the lines. Maybe the pedophile without regard of safety procedures was safer than an ice cream stealer. Fat people knew these things well. Hmm... Nyx would have to watch him closely, to see if he was really a mister whatever he said his name was...

Finally the awaited moment had arrived... They had reached the cashier guy and Niko had ordered a milkshake, immediately calming Nyx's fears. Milkshakes and ice cream were totally like East Side and West Side, they TOTALLY hated each other. He could NEVER be an ice cream theif, even if he tried! So Nyx smiled and asked politely. "Hello sir, can I please have a triple extra chocolate sundae with caramel sauce and cherries and sprinkles and coffee beans and peanuts and extra pickles? Oh and a fork."
The poor cashier wrote the large order down as quickly as he could, but he was young, and still in puperty so he had pimples and funny teeth and dressed weird and talked squeaky and he was sweaty and had shaky hands and besides that, he was almost late for his date, so he whad to go after taking her order and he was excited. Nyx felt bad for him, because he took like 6 minutes writing it down. Then another 5 sending someone to find some pickles and coffee beans, such unusual ice cream toppings. But finally, he finished his task and served the ice cream.
"Sir, that'll be um... Uh, 7.75. Thank you, enjoy your uh, ice cream."

So Nyx skipped cheerily to find a table, large bowl of ice cream in hand.

[Guest]

BUMP

[Guest]

Nikolaus reached for the man's hands as he shook it, smiling to him well enough. Releasing his hand from the man as he left exactly that much Cenz as demanded on the palm of the acne-covered cashier. Man? Nah, it was not that, he was a teenager, a youngster. A pup still suckling upon the tit of his mother. That was what this cashier was to Nikolaus. Tipping his hat, he sat at the chair at a corner adjacent to a table

Helping himself to his tobacco pipe, inhaling the fine noxious fumes as he blew it out aside at the table of fatties, Nikolaus stared at Nyx afterwards as she does whatever she was doing. Looking at her, inspecting her, up and down, left and right, no sector was left unseen. Well, from what Nikolaus gathered at trying to read the girl, she was morbidly thin, young perhaps, and perhaps smelt of elderberries. He couldn't tell of the scent.

"Perhaps a bit of Paprika would do." Nikolaus says, not to anyone but himself really.

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