Cross devilcry

[Guest]

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[font=courier new]CASE FILE: Alchemist

[size=17]Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatsoever to do with it.



FULL NAME:
→ Cross Akuma

AGE:
→ 17

SEX:
→ Male

BIRTH PLACE:
→ USA, Michigan, Monroe

RACE:
→ Creta

DATE OF BIRTH:
→ June 16 1995

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HEIGHT:
→ 5 feet 6 inches

WEIGHT:
→ 116 pounds

PICTURE:
→

Spoiler:

DESCRIPTION:
→ Cross is 5 foot 6 inches tall, and weighs 116 pounds. He has a white skin tone. He has short white hair that goes down to his shoulders with long bangs, that come down to his eyes. Cross have bright water blue eyes that are relaxed most of the time unless he or someone else is being threatened, then his eyes are cold and dead. He wears a dark blue jacket that’s unbuttoned with the collar pulled up covering his neck. Underneath is a pure white shirt that unbuttoned a little at the top revealing some of his chest also with the collar up, and also unbuttoned at the bottom to reveal his bear stomach. He has black jeans, and white shoes. He keeps a black leather glove in his pocket with on alchemical symbol painted on it in an all most blood red color, and metal arm guards under his jacket. Cross speaks with a gentle and soft voice making anyone feel safe around him.

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PERSONALITY:
→ Cross has a calm, and relaxed aura to him. His gentle, and soft voice can make anyone feel safe around him even in the worst of times. His eyes also reflect a relaxing mood that makes others feel comfortable around him, as well as make them feel as if they can trust him. He would rather study his alchemy more than anything and is interested in any new thing he finds, but if he is needed for something or if someone’s hurt or in trouble, he's always close by, and ready to drop everything to help. He loves the water, and can be found near it almost anywhere he goes he will be near the water. He cares more for others then his self always saying that the sinners life is meaningless compared to others. Overall Cross is a caring good hearted person, but his also very quiet and no one knows much about him.. Cross is normally a calm and relaxing person, but if something or someone threatens him or more importantly someone else. Then start praying because there’s no running from him. In a fight Crosses eyes well show his dark past the cold dead eyes of a murder his face becomes emotionless and dead. And if you’ve killed someone for no reason then don’t try, and talk were why out it’ll just get you killed faster. He will not show any mercy and won’t hold anything back.




LOVE:
→ Alchemy, quiet places, music, water, and other people
HATE:
→ Himself, hot places, people that threaten others, loud areas, and arguments

DEEPEST SECRET:
→ Crosses entire past is a secret

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HISTORY:
→ Cross was born in Aerugo Cross was born in to one of the His family was an average one making it by and by. It wasn't easy and Cross never attained school instead his mother taught him math science English and history all at home and using his grandfather’s old study as well, which was given to them when his grandfather died. Cross sometimes helped he would help his dad with the trade on the weekends. Then when Cross was 8 his mother gave birth to a sister. With his mother taking care of his sister she couldn't teach him anymore. So it was up to Cross.

Cross would just spend his time in grandfathers study reading one book after the next some on history others on math. One day Cross stumbled on a book of alchemy. Cross grew very interested in alchemy and started reading every book that the study had on alchemy. When Cross was 13 his father taught him how to use a sword so he could protect someone he cared about. Crosses alchemy had become very skill in metal Alchemy he start only making small things like watches and other little trinkets. He soon becomes especially skilled at making swords or any type of bladed weapon like scythes katanas and assassin’s blades. He crafted himself a pair of metal arm guards and a leather glove with a transmutation circle on it so he could use his alchemy anywhere he went.

Using his alchemy Cross was able to make money for the family by making swords and knifes for the military and also selling watch and small trinkets to the poor people. Cross also held on to a small amount of the money for him. He wanted to save up and go to Central a city in Amestrian. He heard that these were some of the world’s greatest alchemist were and could be a place he could learn more in alchemy.

Crosses now 15 and the economy were getting bad it was harder to pay food. Some people had started looting and leaving Aerugo . Crosses family was doing fine people needed Crosses weapons for protect them self’s from looters. Cross even started making small hand guns and rifle barrels. He even started teaching his sister alchemy but only how to make toys and trinkets not weapons.
Cross had now raised enough money to go to Central, but before he could leave a band of looters attacked his family. They had cut his father’s arm off and threaten to kill any one that moved. The worse part of these was that the swords they were using Cross had made the only reason Cross could tell they were his because there was a small flower engraved into the blade. Now no one really know what happened it Cross but it seemed to just act Creating his own sword and killing the looters. From there Cross just left only saying one thing. “Now I see we are the devils demons then “. No one knew what exactly what he meant but they think he was talking about his last name Akuma meaning devil.

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TRIVIA:
→
→ Aerugese and ok in Cretan

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ALIAS:
→ Cross
OTHER CHARACTERS:
→ First Character
CREATOR'S COMMENTS:
→ Nothing but hope I do good

FACE CLAIM:

CUSTOM RANK:
→ ( not sure what you went here I’m a little confused but if these work then ok) The normal guy
OFFICIAL TITLE:
→ The sword dancer alchemist

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[Guest]

alright i'm done

[Guest]

{REVISE}

- Birth place should carry on the format of (Country) then state and city, or merely country and city.

- Coding is messed up on the top, fix it. Also preferably add a lyric or quote if you have one in mind.

- Personality is 240 words, it needs to be 300 words minimum.

- Capitalize all letters such as June for important words.

- Creta is a Parliamentary Kingdom, not a Federal State or a Union of many countries, tribes are not there, for a tribe to be there is to infer that Creta has social groups outside of a state, and that Creta itself is not a state. The closest thing to a tribe in Creta are the Calish, yet they have clans considering they exist in a state. Also the closest thing to a civil war was Dietrich's coup d'etat as he deposed the royal family. And that took place not too long ago. Even then, there was no civil war, only a short coup.

- English is called Cretan in the site. Change that bit. Also add commas, punctuation, and capitalization in appropriate locations of your application.

- If he has an Aerugese (Japanese) name, then how is his race Cretan?

- There is NO CIVIL WAR in Creta, remove that aspect from the history.

[Guest]

Alright changes made i'm done, and sorry about the Language i used the internet to find my information because i didn't see the country information sorry

[Guest]

{REVISE}

To help you on your errors, consult the following link below.

http://www.spellcheck.net/

- In your history, you still refer to the language as "English" instead of Cretan.

- Swords and knives in the military would probably go as decorations, or to the officers in Aerugo. Mind explaining how he got into contact with the higher up Aerugese echelons of their military establishments to have been able to sell them swords and knives? He would have to manufacture them in huge quantities to ship to the military, something they would rather take from contractors rather than a child.

- Why would Cross be taught Cretan in Aerugo? Also, there was no civil war in Aerugo, they just had several wars with Amestris, but it was all foreign wars, not domestic.

- Personality is STILL 240 words, needs to be 300.

- If he is born in Aerugo, then why is his birth place said to be "USA, Michigan, Monroe"? Huge contradiction. Also in the world of MDA, there is no USA, but rather purely fictional countries.

- Why is he Cretan despite having an Aerugese surname and being born in Aerugo? You didn't detail the heritage very well if the parents are in any way just immigrants, intermarried or the like. Fix that.

[Guest]

Archive date is July 3rd.

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