Why I no longer play CoD

[Aaron H]

Okay. Headset? On. Music? Jamming. Control? In hand. Eight cups of coffee? Those were waiting to be made, but the one in hand was plenty. Games were about to begin and he wasn't about this for the world. It was a weekly thing, he'd match up online and go for a few hours without quit on a game. Tonight was THE challenge. It was the first time he'd been dared to go on ALL NIGHT. He was about to play this freaking game for 14 hours straight or until someone passed out from exhaustion. To make matters worst, they had to drink a shot of tequila every time someone shouted 'Noob!' obnoxiously into the microphone. Oh yes, Aaron was going to be fucked up by the end of the night. He probably wouldn't know where he was when he woke up hugging a toilet. Nevertheless, it was invigorating to be invited into a weird game as such, so naturally he didn't decline. Little did he know, that night was going to be a living hell.

His shirt was changed into something more relaxing and he only had a pair of boxers on atop of that, so naturally he was lounging without socks on the foot of his sofa. A bag of unopened Doritos was to his left and the bottle of tequila was to the right, with plastic cup to boot. Good lord, what was he doing? Bad idea! His mind screamed, but his mood said 'Screw it'. So upon impulse, he flicked on his Xbox and loaded it up. His whole code and name, all the lame login stuff started, before it swallowed him into a fake 3D world. What time was it? He glanced at the window. The sun was JUST setting, so that meant it couldn't be THAT late. "Alright I'm ready and waiting." He spoke into the microphone, after chugging a good fourth of his coffee with a grin. Too bad his friend didn't know how to speak, but he'd likely get some random, nonsensical foreign assault on his eardrums, soon.

[Tsuritsa Cooper]

Plane oiled and ready for flight? CHeck. Enough tequia to overdose on? Checkity-check. Music on? "Ghetto Rainbows" blasted in her ears. Faygo in one hand, controller in the other, Tsuritsa was laying across her cousin's couch, in nothing but her lacy black lingerie, which was her preferred underwear. Why was she in her underwear, on the couch, chugging Faygo and tequila indiscriminately? Why, it was Call of Duty night! The one day of every week in which she booted Bronze from his own house, if he was even there, and stayed up late pwning n00bz to death with her mega-awesome hax0r skeelz. And of course, she had a friend to play with! Some dude in Creta, as far as she could tell, as he spoke Cretan, which, thankfully, she understood, while, alas, not speaking it. INSTEAD, she spoke other stuff. The fact he understood the binary code she could say words in was fairly epic, as it was, so there was only a little language barrier. Though she usually forgot to make her words understandable to him... WHICH WAS FINE, SHE REALLY JUST GOT ENJOYMENT FROM TEABAGGING N00BZ. Which toats didn't involve talking to her friend.

So, with a gulp of her delicious sugar-filled beverage, she signed into her Xbox Live account, and within a few seconds, flew into the game, near the guy whose gamer tag she recognized. By that time, she was enjoying the lovely sounds of "Chris Benoit," which she had plugged into her xbox's microphone port, so her friend could hear the beautiful beauty that is Insane Clown Posse, announcing her arrival, as if he didn't already know. Plugging in her actual headset now, she grinned to herself, before firing off a rapid, cheery, greeting. "Hiya thar, friend-guy!" Humming along with the music, she spoke up again, as they waited for a few more people to join the server. "SO!" Yes, yes, she was speaking in them 1s and 0s, quite quickly, hoping that he could decipher the information as she let it fly; "You ready for all of the good, sexy fun to be had?~ Or will the noobs noobishly noob the noobiness out of your noobish noob self?~ I bet that'd happen, noobs tend to noob too often than is noobishly noobceptable." Being sure to say noob and its many variations, all of which are universally the same (huzzah for language-independant l337!) in normal words, she did indeed remember the deal, cheerfully draining the first bottle by the end of those two short sentences. BWAHAHAHA!

Ah, this would be a night to remember! Even though they'd likely forget about anything happening. But no matter! Tequila and video games made for a sexy-good evening! In fact, to commemorate this lovely day, she whipped out her phone, snapped a photo of her blowing a kiss at the device, making sure that one strap on her bra was loosely drooping down her shoulder, very nearly revealing fun stuffs, and texted the picture to Aaron's phone (she DID, of course, have his number! Although she couldn't quite remember when she'd gotten it... Or how. Eh...? Nobody cared!~) "Reply with a picture of your face when you read the text!~" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA~ Fun is fun.

[Guest]

"Are you sure this is wise Rebecca?" The cool female electronic spoke as a lean, purple headed woman flopped down onto her couch in South City, Amestris. She grinned as she gave a quick stretch of her fingers, neck, and back, responding as she did so, "I'm quite sure Edi." A shadow was cast in the doorway between the apartment front and her work station, Edi's body walking casually through to sit down next to her with a controller of her own in her hands. "But you've never really taken an interest in this before." Now Rebecca had to laugh, pushing herself up to stroll to the kitchen to grab the bottles of tequila stashed away there, moving walking to the Xbox to pick up her controller. "Now Edi, you have to realize," she flopped back down on the couch beside her robotic AI, "Even though I was designing you all the way back to my senior year in high school, I did do other things with my time. You'll love it. Just remember not to hack their systems ok?" And with that, Edi turned on the TV and xbox.

"If you say so Rebecca." Yes, tonight Rebecca had decided to do something completely different. It wasn't work, no data-mining, not even a trip to the club. It was time for good ol' fashioned video games. And she was quite aware of the rules of this particular game tonight, so she was very prepared. Edi didn't have to drink of course since she was, well, electronic. And drinks mixed with electronics were generally very bad. She heard the crackle of her implant switch to the frequency to match her Xbox, Edi already hooked up since, as stated before, SHE WAS AN AI. They were logged in without a hitch and loaded into a game quite quickly, "You ready for all of the good, sexy fun to be had?~ Or will the noobs noobishly noob the noobiness out of your noobish noob self?~ I bet that'd happen, noobs tend to noob too often than is noobishly noobceptable." Rebecca blinked. Binary? She and Edi looked at each other in surprise, blinking twice before turning back to the TV. She popped open the bottle of tequila and took a giant gulp before speaking, "Well now this is a surprise." Binary rolled off of her tongue easily, crossing her legs as she lounged there in nothing but a rather short bathrobe. It was rather open at the top, revealing that luscious cleavage of hers that had distracted Zen so. She did hope that man was alright wherever he was. She seemed to have a habit of dating men who vanished. "Lets get this party started."

[Aaron H]

"You ready for all of the good, sexy fun to be had?~ Or will the noobs noobishly noob the noobiness out of your noobish noob self?~ I bet that'd happen, noobs tend to noob too often than is noobishly noobceptable. " AND THUS VERBAL ASSAULT BEGAN! He'd heard some foreign gibberish then data streams and damn it all to hell. He had to sit and piece together the streams in his mind, slowly recalling the 0s and 1s. Last time he checked, people didn't SPEAK binary, but whatever, he'd manage. He, himself couldn't speak it as fast as her and some other chick had, but he could UNDERSTAND it. Great language barriers! They always managed to piss him off slightly.

As he translated the mangled sentence in his head, he saw noob spoken at least ten times, he poured himself ten shots ion a row, like a sir. Methodically draining them back, it gave him a firm handle on the situation, but his bottle was nearly drained in two seconds and THEN HIS SCREEN.

THE HELL HAD JUST HAPPENED? A half naked woman (or at least she looked half naked) was blowing a kiss on his screen (as he'd had his phone connected to the screen, it was simply more convenient) and URG! Things like this pissed him off, "For Fuck's sake." Her murmured unintentionally into the mic. How was he supposed to think clear;y after all that, then a woman's sexy picture? REALLY? She was being unfair to the poor man. "You REALLY don't want a picture of me, right now. You'll get one later, when I'm all sorts of fucked up, okay?" His relationship with Tsuritsa confused him to all craziness. They were friends, but he barely knew her and she seemed to ENJOY driving him up a wall and sending half naked pictures of herself, exhibit A, she had already done so. Guess that's self-confidence for you.

His controller rolled the picture AWAY from his screen, not wanting to look at her, admittedly attractive face, any longer. It just got sort of irritating when he was gaming. IN THE ZONE. Of course he'd have to get more Tequila. "If I run out of tequila, I'm going to be using some Scotch, Okay? Because I didn't plan on spending my whole paycheck for one night." His finger ran over his chin, feeling the bristles brush over his fingers. GOD! He needed to shave and now he was going to be shown up by two women. Just great, juuussttt great. Slowly the screen changed and he could find the terrain. "The hell are your coordinates, Tsuritsa?" His numbers were strained into bits and pieces, slow and calculated. One wrong number could turn late into grape and that would just be embarrassing. Besides, Aaron wasn't a speedy talker anyways. Oh right, the other person. "You too, Miss I.don't.know.your.name."

[Tsuritsa Cooper]

WELL WELL WELL WELL WELL. This got interesting! As Tsuritsa finished up with sending the picture to Aaron (tee-hee~), she heard a female voice, or a really girly male voice, speak robot just as rapidly as herself. My, oh, my, that was interesting! An eyebrow raised, she reached to her side, inspected a bottle of Faygo- Jive Turkey Tonic, in honor of the holidays- and tossed back a few gulps, with a pleased grin and a sigh of contentment. "Just let it fly~ JUGGALO. JUICE. Into the sky~ My Faygo, HEY~ Don't wonder why~ JUGGALO. JUICE. Until you try~ My Faygo~" Dancing slightly, or rather, as best as possible, from her chillaxed position laying across the couch, she was, indeed, singing into the mic, in a lovely translated version of them song, because haw haw, she didn't speak Cretan. Silly Cretans, them and their Cretan-speakingness.

"Hmmm... SO! You speak binary as well, person-lady? Sexy! Let us pwn noobs now!" Turning her attention then from the woman, she listened to Aaron speaking his lamely slow binary, OB VIOUSLY not good at it, and laughed into the mic as he noted she didn't want the picture of him. "Baaaw, I wanted one nooooow... How'm I s'posed to play without getting to glance at yo sexy face every few minutes?~ Byahahahahaha~" Ah, teasing Aaron... Best part of Call of Duty. WELL. NO. Actually, the best part was her client-side mod, which caused her friends to show up as sexy people like David Bowie, and Mick Jagger, and such, while her ENEMIES all looked like Egbert Custard, the infamously shiny vampire from Midnight. SHE LOVED SHOOTING HIM TO DEATH. Not to mention, of course, everything was colored strangely, as far as terrain went. MADE THINGS PRETTIER. Still, looked more like Candyland than Call of Duty. Meh.

She listened to Aaron again, amused at his binary, as he explained how he didn't have the tequila to drink for the whole night. "Psh, I told you to buy some two weeks ago!" Rolling her eyes, she shook her head with a grin, content for one, that nobody saw her roll her eyes, and, of course, that even if they were there, they wouldn't have seen her eyes at all. HAHA! Sexy aviators were always sexy. Listening to Aaron again, he rather rudely requested HER coordinates, obviously not enough of a gent to give his own. So, she'd give him her's! THE FUN WAY! Aiming her in-game assault rifle to the sky, she opened fire, puttering out a few bullets, before moving a little ways away, into a nice hidey-hole, temporarily. "Hey, you guys heard the shots right? The ones where I'm at? That's where I'm at~" YES. BECAUSE THAT WAS TOATS HELPFUL.

[Guest]

"For Fuck's sake." Rebecca raised an eyebrow, recognizing the language quite easily which only made her smirk. So the man was a Cretan then? She didn't bother to switch off her mic as she turned to Edi and grinned quite devlishly at her AI who only stared at her with that even expression. "Hey, lets have some fun... You thinking what I'm thinking?" Chuckling, she could tell by how Edi stared at the screen that she was hacking into their systems to get a visual, also taking the time to examine what their cell-phone numbers were. She could hear the woman was singing in what she guessed was Ishvallan, not that she understood it. Hmm... maybe she should take some time to learn that language too... "You REALLY don't want a picture of me, right now. You'll get one later, when I'm all sorts of fucked up, okay?" HAH. So then the binary woman had sent him a picture. "I have it." "Do it." And with that, the hidden camera on her TV took a picture of the pair as Rebecca did a delightfully risque pose with her robe almost exposing her completely. She didn't send it immediately, no... "Hmmm... SO! You speak binary as well, person-lady? Sexy! Let us pwn noobs now!" She grinned again, licking her lips as she took a sip from the bottle, "You got it sister."

"Baaaw, I wanted one nooooow... How'm I s'posed to play without getting to glance at yo sexy face every few minutes?~ Byahahahahaha~" "If I run out of tequila, I'm going to be using some Scotch, Okay? Because I didn't plan on spending my whole paycheck for one night." Tsk tsk. Bad boy. "Psh, I told you to buy some two weeks ago!" That was the correct response. "The hell are your coordinates, Tsuritsa?" Tsurita. The womans name then. Good to know. The screen loaded and Edi was already off, having probably looked up via the interwebs videos and ways to play, Rebecca following after her as she reached to the coffee table to grasp her data pad. She hacked into the cheat codes and gave herself (and Edi) some lovely armor and guns, though she didn't change anything else. No sense in completely making the game one-sided hm? After all, she was sure that these two had played much more than her, and probably together judging by how they talked to each other. "You too, Miss I.don't.know.your.name." She heard gunfire, but Edi was already moving to regroup with their members. She didn't need to hear the gunfire, she had already pinpointed both of them. "Hey, you guys heard the shots right? The ones where I'm at? That's where I'm at~" Edi switched on her mic, speaking Cretan first, "Here are our coordinates." Then she switched to binary, speaking with the rapidness that was only possibly by her being an AI. "I am pleased to find more people who speak binary." Once she had finished, Rebecca slid into different cover near Tsurita, sending the picture of herself with a flick of her finger on her datapad. She made sure that it would pop up on both of their screens. Hehehehe, now what were they going to do now?

"The name's Tali. Tali Zorah vas Normandy. And my friend here is Miranda. So, lets get this party started."

[Aaron H]

"Baaaw, I wanted one nooooow... How'm I s'posed to play without getting to glance at yo sexy face every few minutes?~ Byahahahahaha~ Hey, you guys heard the shots right? The ones where I'm at? That's where I'm at~"

Nag, nag. GOD. Tsuritsa made him feel like he was so weak, which in Call of Duty, he was. He was average, which was better than most, but he was also bad compared to his playing age. Most were a lot better than he was, but hell he couldn't complain. Then she mentioned about the alcohol and how he was told to buy some earlier. Well how the HELL was he supposed to know she was going to make him go through so much? It wasn't a told amount, just 'go buy tequila for it'. Ugh, these people.. really. He just couldn't help but feel like he was looked down upon and-

SWEET HOLY JESUS. CLEAVAGE IN HIS FACE. "HOLY SHIT!" He shouted unintentionally as he couldn't help but be surprised by the erotic picture before him. A bright red colored his face and he nearly choked on the shot of tequila he had taken behind the others. It took him three seconds just to breathe again. He pounded on his chest twice. The feeling stuck for a few minutes, as he tried to find the person he was used to saying as Tsuritsa. Namely, it was a name and a bunch of numbers, because she just LOVED to fuck with him. UGH. These women, why did they have to be so.. cruel to him? Most men BEGGED to have their pics and they wouldn't send a single one, but now a man didn't care about what they looked like and here they were trying to make him think such thoughts on a game? They were just.. being mean. There was no other reason. They liked trying to fluster him and damn it worked every time.

"Yes ladies, you're both attractive, now can I focus on my game?" He muttered with a slight moment where his voice got caught in his throat. It was more to himself than anyone else, a sigh of irritation following.

"The name's Tali. Tali Zorah vas Normandy. And my friend here is Miranda. So, lets get this party started."

"Wonderful. I'm Aaron." Not like first names mattered. He was one of the thousands of Aarons in Creta, so the commonplace name was not something he had fears in handing out. It was a drag to catch up to the woman, but at last he found Tsuritsa. "Ready."

[Tsuritsa Cooper]

As Tsu rocketed around the map, impatiently waiting for her comrades to find her, so they could tear the place UP, she noticed a picture pop up on her screen, and it would be kinda audible over the mic that she spit her Faygo out on the floor in front of her. "SWEET MOTHER OF PICARD!" Hitting the button to save the picture to her phone, which was connected to her screen all sexifully, she laughed, before jabbering away in 1s and 0s. " Well, well, well, hello beautiful~ See, Aar? She can send a pic, and she has nice boobs too; where's your pic and YOUR nice boobs!?" Ahh, she had to tease the lad. It was practically tradition! And it wasn't her fault either, he was just so easy to pick on! He was almost totally asexual, even if he DID respond to the hot pics sent to him, and she was positive he was technosexual or something, so it was funny to flirt with him and see what happened. Maybe she was just evil.

Speaking of the man, he had reacted to the picture in muchly the same way as Tsu, and she laughed. "You are a pervert, you are a pervert, you are a pervert, can't deny~" Byahaha! Yes, she DID know just HOW ironic that statement, in song, was. Added humor, she figured. THEY WERE ALL PERVERTS!~ NONE COULD DENY, HAHA!~ Her ears perked up, then, at some Cretan stuff, and then an insanely fast string of numbers. Thankfully, her years of experience as a nerdzilla had prepared her for situations like this, and she grinned, as she tipped back her bottle of Faygo. "It is nice, isn't it?~ And judging by your toats hax0r 1337 skills at it... Either very proficient at binary, likely a computer technician, or program coder. OR. You, madame, are a robut!~" Unlikely, but totally likely. Though MORE likely, she was just a really good person at computers, like Tsu. Unless Tsu was a robot? That would make sense. Or not. But would it? Maybe. Possibly. Most likely. Nah. Nobody was a robot. Or a robut, for that matter, even if that's just a more fun way to say robot. Listening as the other three people were near where she was, the two women, or rather, one of the two women, introduced themselves, and Aar, being Aar, said his name, all rude-like. Psh, he knew he enjoyed this! "Dragonrider Tsuritsa Cooper, of the Royal Ciel Dominion's Airforce, atcherservice!~" Did she even care about the amount of stalkers on the internet, oir in this case, multiplayer interwebs? Psh, she could care less about the off-chance someone hearing that would look for her, or hax her identity or anything. And if anyone did, she had a chainsaw! Honeybadger.

(~(Gwah, sorry for how late this is. >.<)~)

[Guest]

Oh this was too precious. Rebecca pulled up a fresh screen on her datapad to observe their reactions, smirking at the fact she had gotten that "sexy picture" of Aaron that Tsurita had wanted. Oh it was delightful to be able to hack camera's.... "HOLY SHIT!" "ACHU TAOSK MO PICARD!" Was that....Klingon? That had to be Klingon. This chick was now the coolest chick ever because SHE SPOKE KLINGON. Muting her mic for a moment, she looked to Edi, "Can you translate into Klingon for me?" Edi merely stared at her creator and raised an eyebrow, "Excellent Choice Tsurita." Came the response as she spoke Klingon into her mic, leaving Rebecca to only grin and save a picture of Aaron's flustered appearance. The only question was whether or not she wanted to send it to Tsurita..... Oh hell, why not! Taking a shot of her tequila (this was a bad idea), she did indeed text her new friend, including a message before the image written in binary. "Do not let Aaron know I've sent you this." Now, it was just a matter of waiting to see her reaction to THAT! Oh Aaron was going to hate her...

Well, well, well, hello beautiful~ See, Aar? She can send a pic, and she has nice boobs too; where's your pic and YOUR nice boobs!?" "Yes ladies, you're both attractive, now can I focus on my game?" Oh this was hilarious..... FAR too funny! She must have missed some conversation while she was sending Tsurita her ninja text and message. "It is nice, isn't it?~ And judging by your toats hax0r 1337 skills at it... Either very proficient at binary, likely a computer technician, or program coder. OR. You, madame, are a robut!~" Oh dear. Edi and Rebecca stared at each other and blinked, both trying to calculate how best to respond. "I am a programmer in fact, much like my friend Tali here." It wasn't... ENTIRELY untrue.... Edi did do some programming while Rebecca was doing whatever it was Rebecca did. Like apparently refer to herself in the third person, but ANYWAYS. "Wonderful. I'm Aaron." "Dragonrider Tsuritsa Cooper, of the Royal Ciel Dominion's Airforce, atcherservice!~" Rebecca could see that all three of them had met up now, though she couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at the location of them all. She was in South City, Aaron must be in Creta, and Tsurita was in Gele? Well well they were a diverse group. Or a weird one. Or both.

"Ready." Rebecca could only grin as she jumped out from cover and went searching for some good sniper positions, Edi remaining with the rest of the group. "Lets do this."

[Csilla Angelis]

{BUMP}

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