Tián-Yé, Captain Kelly

[Captain Kelly Tián-Yé]

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CASE FILE: Xingese Militant

What, ya don’t think Captain Kelly’s a real name? Well you’re a dick. At least my parents didn’t name me Spicy, like me brother.
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FULL NAME:
→ Captain Kelly Tián-Yé

AGE:
→ 43

SEX:
→ Male

BIRTH PLACE:
→ Heifei, Xing

RACE:
→ One half Creig, one half Xingese.

DEPARTMENT:
→ Intelligence (Head of All-Seeing Eye)

DATE OF BIRTH:
→ 7/31/1969

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HEIGHT:
→ 5’3”

WEIGHT:
→ 174 lb

PICTURE:
→

Spoiler:

DESCRIPTION:
→ Captain Kelly... He's certainly a strange person to look at. Creig to the bone, he's taken it as a tradition to dye his hair green, in honor of the pretty green grass he loves so much in Carraig.Born with jet black hair, though, he lets the green only mingle with his natural hair color, dying only part of it. In terms of style, his hair is spiked up at the top, goes down in a mullet to a quarter down his shoulder blades, and in front, he wears his hair in about nine or ten braids, to the sides and bangs. In addition, he has a beard, also dyed green, which he braids into two short braids. Kelly has deep brown eyes, which people often remark on, saying his eyes are like those of a sweet and gentle soul- something Kelly is likely NOT, and in fact, DEFINITELY is not. He is pretty short for a man his age, and perhaps could use a bit of work-out or a change in diet, but for the most part, isn't much more than slightly out of shape, still bearing strong muscles, just under a bit of cushiony fat and such. In addition, he tends to wear nicely tailored suits, his favorite being a dark red with a black ruffled undershirt, and an amaranth pinned to the coat. He does, however, wear clothes of other sorts, and, if caught on his off-time, may be found wearing a pair of gym shorts, shirtless, often with his hair back in some form of ponytail or topknot to keep it out of his face as he practices his danc- erm. Street-boxing kickapoo kung-fu karate schnitzel and such. Yeah, that. On his face, Kelly bears a number of scars, namely one beside his nose, and one under his eye, both on the left side of his face. On the right side, he has a scar down his cheek, which seems to have been stitched back together, from a bar brawl gone wrong. His chest has a few bullet scars, and on his right thigh, two more bullet wounds are found. On the sole of his left foot, he has the tiny pin-prick marks of a former heroin addict, and in stark contrast, his left wrist is badly scarred from three attempts at suicide, due to his prior addictions. On his left man-tit pec, he has a tattoo of the word Carraig in green, circled, with a clover on the bottom-right of it.

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PERSONALITY:
→ Ah, the wonderful, beautiful, ever-charming, ad most splendorous personality of Captain Kelly! Some people even call him Mr. Personality, because he's just such a loveable, caring, and heartwarming guy, who'd just as gladly take a bullet for you as he would have a drink with you. Such a humanitarian is he, and he's like something straight out of Walt Disney's brain!

...

...

No?

... Well then.

Ooooooh, yeah, I forgot to mention. Captain Kelly's usually a jerk. Yeah, he doesn't even know you, but he probably already finds some flaws in you that he just CAN'T STAND. And if he can't find any, he'll probably be able to think of some. But he's not always that bad. Well, not all that bad. If you get to know him, he'll be a bit more friendly. In fact, among some of Xing's militants, he's usually fairly amiable, if not downright friendly. Heck, some of the sarcastic bits above may hold true in these instances. Definitely among his closer friends, and family, he'll be a bit happier, particularly in the presence of Mingxia or Xiao, and sometimes around Spicy and his parents, though he normally doesn't see them as often as he'd like. Another person he can't really be mad around would be Lian Dan Han, but then again, nobody can really be mad when she's around.

Another side to Kelly, however, asides from his treatment of those around him, would be his arrogance. He's cocky, overconfident, and a complete and total mastermind-wannabe. Every plan he makes is GOING to work out, it's GOING to come true. Always. Even when it doesn't. But that's because he's sometimes an optimist; well, sometimes, he is, anyways. Depends on his mood really. When he's happy, he's a total optimist, always sees the good side of life, the green half of the field, his glass half full. But, when he's in a bad mood, he's a pessimist. Aaaaaaand usually, therefore, he's a pessimist.

LOVE:
→ Carraig, Xing, the color green, his hair, his 30 year old sister (Mingxia Tián-Yé), his 36 year old brother (Spicy McHaggis Tián-Yé), his parents (McKenzie O’Shea Tián-Yé and Zhang-Li Tián-Yé), chess, the theater, “The Nutcracker,” “L'incoronazione di Poppea,” “Bastien und Bastienne,” “Robert le Diable,” “The Snow Maiden,” “The Chao Family Orphan,” Huīlán Jì,” “Black Swan,” "Singin' in the Rain," traditional Creig music, classical music, The Ink Spots, strong cologne, his gun, drug busts, his job, dancing, candy, steak, beer, whiskey, wine, girls, tiny miniskirts, nice-smelling perfume, girls wearing tiny miniskirts with nice-smelling perfume, Ace, Qin, Lian, Jeu-Hee, everyone else in Xing, pretty much, Gavin, harmonicas, fishing, Atari, punching people in the face, Aurel (He pretends tries to kind of understand where Aurel’s coming from in terms of what he’s trying to do. Kind of… Still thinks he’s crazy, though.), kicking down doors.

HATE:
→ People assuming Kelly is a girl’s name, people saying Captain Kelly isn’t a real name, haters who hate on him and make negative comments, heroin, cocaine, LSD, PCP, dat Mary J. Juana, caviar, overly-bright sunshine, bad hair dye, people getting on his nerves, When Xing loses people at war, when Xing goes to war, politics, having to feign politeness at social events.

DEEPEST SECRET:
→ His sister’s car accident was caused by a slip-up, not too long after his getting out of rehab. He’d shot up on heroin a few hours before she set home from work, and as she turned the corner, he was standing there, in the middle of the road, not really knowing what he was doing, and she couldn’t hit the brakes fast enough, so instead, turned abruptly into a tree. While he had no clue what was really going on at the moment, he’d realized, somewhere in his messed up brain, that he’d very nearly killed his sister. To this day, he regrets it immensely, and that was the day he truly swore to kick his addictions, and to adamantly prevent others from making his mistakes. “Mingxia… If I were enough of a man to tell ya the truth… I’d tell ya how sorry I am… I never meant to hurt you…”

IDOL:
→ James Bond
→ Inigo Montoya
→ Gene Kelly

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HISTORY:
→ It was in the month of July that a little baby boy was born to the newlywed couple, McKenzie and Zhang-Li Tián-Yé. His mother was a Creig, and as such, he was named Captain Kelly, in honor of the old traditional folk song, "Courtin' in the Kitchen," which was not only one of her favorites, but was the song playing at the party in which she'd met her new husband, then a businessman working on a sales contract with a Creig furniture manufacturer. Captain Kelly was a rather unspectacular child, who really didn't do much out of the ordinary, although he was a bit too curious for his own good, often accidentally burning himself on the oven, and stepping back, surprised, as he pondered why something so good-smelling hurt so much. When he was seven, his parents had their second child, named Spicy in tribute to well... Spicy things. Maybe his parents sucked at naming kids, maybe they were high. Either way. And it was about this time that the family chose to move out of Carraig, and go to Xing, so Zhang-Li could be closer to his job, and more able to go between home and work, with the exception of the occasional out-of-country business trip. For one, the commute was a busy, and expensive, one, and he spent much of his time in Xing anyways. But also, he wanted his sons to see the other half of their rich heritage.

Upon arriving in Xing, Captain Kelly was enrolled in school. He started a little late, but skipped kindergarten, going into the first grade at a slightly younger age than other kids, and did well in school. Six years later, his parents had yet another kid, his little sister Mingxia, and his brother started school. By that time, Kelly was in the seventh grade, and he was starting to hang out with some of the bad kids at school. By the age of seventeen, he and his friends were swiping cigarettes from a boy, Jianjun's, parents, and creeping into liquor stores to snatch up the contents. Soon, however, they escalated to new things, deciding that stolen cigs and booze wasn't enough to sate their rebel souls. They started small; every now and then they'd find some marijuana and a bong, and they'd pass it around for a while. As time progressed, it got worse; they were chain-smoking weed, they were taking prescription pills they found or stole, they were cutting lines of cocaine, and doing acid, doing everything they could for that high, that rush. At some point, it escalated to trying heroin.

The high was awesome, they all loved it. None more-so than Jianjun, though. It was his job to get the stuff for Kelly and the others, Han and Xiao. While the other three shot up maybe three times a day, Jianjun took it too far, always pushed it to six or seven times a day. It was messing him up pretty bad. One day, he shot a bit more of that opiatic heaven through his veins, and it was... Well, it was the last time he did. Jianjun died of an overdose, and Kelly and the other guys found him in his room, lying on his bed, a needle in his hand, and the most messed up, creepiest smile they'd ever seen just... Just engraved on his ice cold face. Scared them half to death. Literally, actually; Xiao had a heart attack, and they had to call 911. When they did, the paramedics found Jianjun as well. In the days coming on later, they all attended his funeral; their parents all talked in saddness about how Jianjun was such a good kid, how they'd never expected a thing. Neither did Kelly and the gang.

They tried to quit. Cold turkey, it was possible. The first three days, that was all it took. It took three days, and they'd be off the stuff, for good. They didn't want to die... They were too young to die. Kelly was only twenty-one... His sense of teenage immortality was gone, and he had to face reality. Heroin meant death, the needles were like pistols, and he was playing a slow and deadly Drachman Roulette. At first, they did well. They made it three days, they threw a party to celebrate, just the three of them. It wasn't much fun; Jianjun was always the life of the party.

Not even a month after Jianjun died... It hadn't been a month. Kelly and Xiao had already messed up, they'd relapsed. It wasn't fun anymore, it wasn't about the high. It was the only way to live anymore. Han had made it the longest, but he fell into some heavy depression; he'd been drinking an awful lot, and in the end, last Kelly and Xiao had seen him, he was a picture in a golden frame, sitting on top of a casket. Two shots to the head, and when, by some chance, that failed, they found him hanging from the stairwell, a belt around his neck. Xiao and Kelly were, to say the least, terrified. Was this some sort of divine vengeance...? They didn't want to play anymore, this time it was for real.

But isn't it just funny how life pans out for you...? Xiao seemed to go the same path as Han, trying to drink himself into an early grave, while Kelly took it further; he slashed open his right wrist one night, and just before he bled out, his little brother Spicy, thankfully, had come to his house just when he needed him most. He found Kelly in a bathtub, slowly dying, and took him to the emergency room, after making a poorly made tourniquet out of a towel and some duct tape, as there wasn't time for anything more useful. His brother survived, but Spicy couldn't look at him the same, and the awkward silence after he came to a day or two later... It was hard to face, and it hurt. A lot. Xiao had come to sit in the room with him, and played cards with him while he recovered. A week later, they decided to go to rehab, disguising it as a vacation, so nobody would ever find out. Fate had other plans, though; Mingxia, around her twelfth birthday, when she was allowed to move into her big brother's old room, came over to his appartment one day, bearing with her some concern, and some relics of the past that Kelly had so wanted to forget. He opened the door and saw her face, slightly confused, but also worried, a little scared, even. Clutched in her hands were a pair of syringes, and his eyes widened at the sight of them. He let her in, told her to sit down, poured her some tea and tried to explain himself. She didn't believe him... He'd already basically lost his brother, and that was bad enough, but this was his little sister; he'd held her as a baby, watched her grow up. He couldn't bear to lose her trust too. She walked out on him, upset, and went to walk home. He drew a pistol from his closet and, deciding once again, the world would be better off without him, pulled the trigger, just barely missing his heart. Mingxia heard the gunshot, and called for an ambulance. And so the cycle repeated.

He got to the hospital, and woke to his sister in a chair, by his side, Xiao sitting across from her, playing a game, having a glass of orange juice. Xiao looked worse for the wear, no doubt; his hair was filthy, and his clothes weren't much better. He hadn't shaved in days. When was the last time Kelly had shaved... Better yet, when was the last time he'd bathed? His hygeine had hit the deck after he started doing heroin, that devil's poison. Mingxia was the first to see him awake, and the spark in her eyes, and the tears on her face nearly broke his heart. He'd really blew it... She would probably never forgive him for it. He not only couldn't convince her that he'd quit his addiction, although he had fibbed, he'd only been off it for six days when she came over, and even then, he was going through really bad withdrawl. He needed help... But, to his surprise, she walked over to him and hugged him, as best as she could, with him laying down on a bed, wrapped in bandages. She tried talking, but it didn't work right, as words couldn't come, and she was way too overwhelmed withe motions for anything to really make sense. Xiao explained it all; after she'd called the ambulance, he'd seen the flashing lights from his apartment, across the street, and followed them to the hospital. As Mingxia was about to leave him in the hands of the doctors, still really upset with him, then even more, he stopped her and explained Kelly's story again to her, practically begging her to stay; Kelly really needed her, it was obvious. Xiao had seen what happened when Spicy turned his back on Kelly. As Xiao told him all this, Kelly couldn't fight the tears, they just came. Not only did his sister still care about him, even after everything he did, but his best friend was as loyal as ever. Maybe he'd have a good life after all... After rehab of course.

But before rehab, he was committed to an asylum for a month. The doctors had reccomended it considering he'd made two attempts on his life already; he was listed as having suicidal tendencies, and went through a few classes on better ways to control his depression. Immediately after the month ended, though, he and Xiao went into rehab. It took them two years, but the addictions were kicked. It was over.

For a while. Kelly was twenty-nine when he felt the urge again. He tried to fight it, but he cracked. Xiao was out of town, he didn't have anyone to talk to about it. He figured a single time wouldn't hurt anything. And he later noticed a pattern; whenever something couldn't possibly go wrong... It did.

It was late at night, roggy on the roads, and raining pretty bad. He was way too high to notice. All he knew was that it seemed like a great time for a stroll, and he felt fine. Maybe he shouldn't have kicked the stuff after all; it was as awesome as when he was in high school! And the asphalt was a great place to walk, it scratched his feet for him, it was awesome. Everything was awesome. And a car was coming at him. He hadn't played chicken since he got his license, with Jianjun, Han, and Xiao, in the parking lot at the mall. He stood there,a stupid grin on his face, tense and ready, as the car came closer. It chickened out, slammed to the side, hit a tree. The side-view mirror flung Kelly down, when it hit him, right square in the chest, and he was out cold on the side of the road.

He woke up about half an hour later, sober as he'd be. Now that he could think clearly, he stood up, and saw, across the street, a car. Mingxia's car. He didn't have time to think about it, he just moved, as memories flooded back to him. The door was messed up, and the other one was pinned to a tree. Nobody was around. He grabbed the door handle, and peered into the window. Mingxia was inside, head slammed up against the wheel, the seat twisted awkwardly to the driver's side, her back turned with it, like a Dali painting or something. He pulled hard on the handle, and it wouldn't budge, and eventually just snapped off. Wouldn't work. He coiled back his fist and rammed it into the glass as hard as he could. Broke a knuckle; no success. He pulled his hand back again and punched the window once more, smashing through it, and tearing his arm to shreds in the process. No time to feel the pain. He pulled on the door, using the inside of the window as leverage. Eventually, the door's badly beaten hinges loosened, and he pulled the door off. Climbing in without a second thought, he grasped her seatbelt and pulled at it, careful not to choke her with it, and found it useless. Instead, he took the seatbelt into his hands and bit at it with his teeth, frantically trying to tear her free. He succeeded and his reward was that she could be moved, but he had to do it carefully. Gently pulling her to the passenger's seat, he lifted her up and carried her to the roadside. He didn't know any first aid, or CPR or anything, but he could check her pulse. It was kinda slow... But it was there. She was alive. He'd have cried if there were time. Instead, he made better use of himself. Without a phone, he ran, praying she'd be fine until he returned. After a few minutes of running down the road, yelling like a wild man, he managed to flag down a car, who called for an ambulance for him, in return for all of the money in Kelly's pocket; it was his meager reward for the person's help, even if the driver didn't accept it at first. No amount of money meant anything compared to his sister's life.

The ambulance got there in time, and this time he got to ride in the back of the ambulance, without being on a gurney. He kind of wished he was the one on the gurney, though; it was his fault, all his fault. He just HAD to go and screw up again, like always. It was the only thing he was even good at. He called Xiao from a paramedic's phone, and he was at the hospital with Mingxia within the hour. He caught up with Kelly as Mingxia entered the room, and Kelly was told to wait in the waiting area. As Xiao entered the room, Kelly had opened a bottle of bleach, found in the nearby laundry room, not too far from the waiting room, as some patients and visitors used it for overnight stays, and was about to drink it, when Xiao came up behind him and slapped it out of his hands, as well as smacking Kelly in the back of the head to make him spit the rest out.

After a brief argument, Xiao finall got Kelly to explain the situation, and he did, although he was too upset to really make much sense. Xiao got the gist of it, and offered as much consolation as was possible. Mingxia was in a coma for two days, it had seemed, and doctors said her back was broken in five places, the worst of which had caused her lower spinal cord to sever, cutting off all neural activity below the waist. This hit Kelly like a pound of lead; he'd caused permanent damage because of his stupidity... His baby sister would never be able to walk again, all because of him... The first day of her coma, he and Xiao went to his house, found all of their old caches of drugs, any drugs, and they collected them in a sack. As part of a truly solemn farewell to the past, they took the bag to a river, set it on a board, and lit the raft on fire, after casting the foul chemicals down-stream. At some point, although they didn't stay to watch, the drugs either caught fire, or the raft burned up or sank, and the drugs were gone, finally, never to be seen by them again.

They returned and stayed by her bedside for the next day, and Kelly was waiting patiently when she woke up. She'd suffered a bad hit to the head in the crash and had lost some of her memory, but not much more than the week it occurred in. Soon, she was considered well enough to leave, and the doctors taught her how to operate the wheelchair she'd be given, a little foldable electric one. Meanwhile, doctors took Kelly aside to talk to him about a few things, before they discussed it with Mingxia and Kelly's parents. They told him the wheelchair was the cheapest, and best, temporary solution they could think of, but for permanent healing, she'd need hi-tech automail, specifically an automail spine, to brace her back, weakened already from the crash, and damaged badly in the lower regions, and possibly automail legs. It would be expensive, though... Incredibly so, particularly to have it installed in such a way as to minimize pain and recovery time. He didn't have the money then... But he swore, from that day forward, he'd find her the money. Until then, he needed a job.

He was thirty-two, with little experience, and minimal schooling. So, he did what all people down on their luck did, if nothing else was left; he enlisted in the Xingese military. Over time, he was promoted within his ranks, and branched off eventually, from a common infantry-man to a special forces squad member. From there, to a secret agent, a master of espionage. And within eight years, he'd attained the honorable rank of Head of the All-Seeing Eye, the Zhulong. It was a respectable career, truly, and he was making a bit more money by then. He'd cut out most luxuries from his own life, choosing to live a somewhat nobler life; he still had the same one bedroom apartment from when he was twenty, and he still ate the same old microwaved rice every night, unless someone was kind enough to buy him something nicer to eat. But he was steadily saving money in a bank account. The automail would have been a quite expensive 1,436,260.30 Yuan ($230,000), and now he had only 99,913.76 Yuan ($16,000) left to go. Life really was good, for once...

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TRIVIA:
→ Captain Kelly is a rather skilled dancer, particularly in the ways of a traditional Creig jig and erm... Well, ballet.
→ A bit of a theater fan, and enjoys various operas, musicals, and ballets. But nobody knows that, and if you say anything, “I’ll cut your stinkin’ throat, ya got it?” (Also see; http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CulturedWarrior)
→ Is a bar-room legend, by the name of "Drunken Fisted Kung-Fu Guy"
→ Does not actually know kung-fu, regardless of any claims by him or anyone else.
→ SURPRISINGLY (not really), he really CAN'T fight one thousand times better, stronger, harder, and/or faster while intoxicated.
→ His tears are not the cure for cancer, and Captain Kelly is not allowed to prescribe his tears to anyone for ANY ailment, until he can produce a verifiable PhD in pharmacology, as well as a medical license, and a Nobel Prize in Medicine.
→ Captain Kelly can play the harmonica exceptionally well, and has offered to play it for the troops in times of war, for morale. This request was denied exactly four times during, 's emperor-ship, seventeen times during Ace's emperor-ship, and once during Qin's emperor-ship.
→ He's seen the "Electric Soldier Porygon" episode of the Aerugese kid's show, Pokémon. Didn't have a seizure. Probably because he had no idea what anyone was saying. That explains it. Okay... No it doesn't...
→ (NSFW WARNING! IF YOU VALUE YOUR SOUL, DON'T READ THE SPOILERS.) Every St. Patrick's Day and at the start of Xingese New Year, he

(DATA EXPUNGED):

with a tennis racket, and

(DATA EXPUNGED):

until the Sun goes down.
→ Likes to feel like a sir, and will hold doors and pull out chairs for the ladies.
→ ALSO likes to be a cocky, arrogant flirt and will buy those same girls large amounts of alcohol, and try to convince them to sit on his lap to drink it better. ._.
→ Creig, Xingese, and can understand Amestrian rather well, but speaks it horribly, only rudimentary sentences and phrases, the rest being garbled up mispronunciations and such. Can repeat phrases in Cretan and Cerisian, but only if he's heard it before.

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ALIAS:
→ ONE name, please. That's what it said. D: It said "Put down ONE name, please." DON'T STARE AT ME, THE GREAT AND SEXY JAY, LIKE THAT! D<

OTHER CHARACTERS:
→ ALL OF THEM. I PLAY ALL OF THEM! D< But my favorites to play are Jay, Sec, Nyx, Animos, Lily, Wolfy, Molly, Tas, Red, Valdis, and Tsuritsa. You all can play the rest, I don't mind.

CREATOR'S COMMENTS:
→ YOU HAVE TO EAT YER MEAT, BEFORE YOU CAN HAVE ANY PUDDING. HOW CAN YOU HAVE ANY PUDDING IF YOU DON'T EAT YOUR MEAT!? YOU! STANDSTILLLADDIE! D<

CUSTOM RANK:
→ BALLET'S MANLY.

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[Iris]

Revise

..Your custom rank name is too long >=

[Captain Kelly Tián-Yé]

Psh, I see nothing wrong. >.> I toats didn't change his custom rank real sneaky-like when you weren't looking.

[Reila Tsukino]

Okay,

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