Aiko's Alchemy~

[Guest]

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CASE FILE: Transmutation Equipment

Aiko Shimizu
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NAME:
→ Internal Boiling

TYPE:
→ Alchemy: Elemental

LEVEL:
→ 1

FORM:
→ Water

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BRIEFING:

The transmutation circle consists of two circles containing four bolts of lightning-esque shapes each having one point pointing out of the circle in a diamond-like figure. There's a line within the circle, dividing the circle in two, with another circle within the inner circle, and the top half of the inner most circle contains fire. The alchemy itself is offensive, and does come a drawback to Aiko. The only way the alchemy really works is when Aiko holds the weapon in the hand of the arm in which the transmutation circle is etched into. As soon as Aiko lets go of her weapon she has to restart the alchemy once more. The blood boiling starts to happen within up to five minutes almost no matter where the target is, whether they be in a desert, normal area, or a tundra, though if happening in an icy tundra, it wouldn't be as effective.


PICTURE:
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Spoiler:

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Spoiler:

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SPECIAL ABILITIES:

The alchemies ability causes the blood of the target to literally boil after one becomes cut while the alchemy is active with the blade that Aiko wields. When the blade cuts the target in which Aiko wants to hit, the alchemy causes their blood to literally begin to boil slowly. As the blade cuts the skin, the subsequent vibrations from the slash in the blood causes the molecules to start to speed up and begin to boil the blood.

The blood starts to boil slowly and causes a very bad case of Hyperthermia. It slowly spreads from the area that is cut, eventually killing off blood cells until the person stops the hyperthermia via cooling off their body.

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[Bronze Degan]

REVISE

1) We need the actual pictures in those spoilers, not just hot links. Try uploading them to image hosting sites such as tinypics if you cant get it to work.

2) You have like... 4-5 processes going on here with the water blade thing alone. Not counting the blood boiling aspect. Your only allowed one at first level. Aside from that, i get that this is a fantasy world filled with alchemy and the like, but alchemy in MDA is more science then magic, and that being the case i wont approve any sort of metal turning into water. That just isn't possible.

3) We dont use cool downs on MDA you have the ability to use your alchemy when ever you feel like it.

4) You say you target the water in the blood, but then you say when you slash some one you force air bubbles into their blood. Now im not sure if you knew it or not, but if you forced a single air bubble into someones blood stream they would die. No if ands or buts about it. So instead of that maybe you cause the water to start to heat up or something of that nature? Talk to me and we can work something out. ^^ Im more then happy to help.

These are what i see glancing over it, ill come back and do a more intensive check after these have been taken care of. ^^ All in all it does show promise.

[Guest]

Editted, no clue if it's better or not.

[Bronze Degan]

REVISE

1) How is he causing the blood to boil? What process? IS she exciting the blood in some way? Or is she using heat based alchemy?

2) How long does it take for the blood to start to boil? IS their a gradual heat up? Does it start right off the bat?

3)Could you fix up the grammar some? I know thats kinda nitpicky but it would make grading this much easier. ^^

[Guest]

Edited.

[Bronze Degan]

REVISE

1: So the blood boils and kills them instantly? Does it spread from the area cut? What alls going down here? Explanation is needed.

[Guest]

*Too lazy to switch accounts and test his nets luck*

No, it boils it slowly and causes a very bad case of Hyperthermia. It does slowly spead from the area that is cut, eventually killing off blood cells until either the person stops the hyperthermia via cooling off their body or something of the sort.

[Bronze Degan]

REVISE

1) Hold on... you cause the blood to boil... And this causes hypothermia? I dont even know how you got here... It may be time for us to sit down and come up with a different idea for your alchemy.

[Guest]

Hyperthermia =/= Hypothermia

Hyperthermia is better known as heat stroke. It's where the bodies temp raises, insted of lowers which is what hypothermia does.

[Reila Tsukino]

APPROVED

Though the instant their blood boils, they'd be dead.

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