~Trials of STARDOM! Episode Two; He Wins the Bronze!~

[Wolfgang Murinyo]

Snow crunched loudly underfoot of the steel-toed boots of a man on a mission, which could be physical fitness, but which actually was everything BUT concern for his masculine manly-man physique. Okay, I'm lying; Wolfy needed to put on some muscle so to properly fit into his new jeans. SO HIS SOLUTION!? Why, a journey of nearly 1,500 miles from his palace in Vaingloria to the glacial valleys of Vraí Glace, through ice and snow, across frozen lakes and over mountains!

Sounds legit.

But the best part of the trek was that he had a friend tagging along! And carrying the supplies! What a loyal compadré.

"A'ight, Bronzy, bro, checks it OAT; we fin'ly 'rived! At the WORLD FAMOUS Albequerque Holiday Inn! Where dem towels is oh so FLUFFY! And you can eat right outta the ash trays if'n youse wants to, it's okay, they's cleaned! Oh wait... Naw, we's in the middle'a candlejack-crapped nowhere."

And, boy, were they! Not so much as a tree for miles, and the nearest town was a five day hike in any direction, at least. BUT! For the purpose they had come, it would do well!

WOLFY WAS GOING TO BURN SO MANY CARBS. Oh wait... The other reason! "Bronzy, put down them bagses and we gon' sta't yo testin'! Hopes you'da studied." And so it began...

[Bronze Degan]

WHY THE HELL WHERE THEY IN THE MIDDLE OF GOD FORSAKEN NO WHERE?!?! Also where the hell was his camel? Those two and may other questions at hat laid heavily on Bronzes mind as he some how managed to take yet another step in what he could only call hells frozen arm pit. Now he knew he was SUPPOSED to be carrying all the luggage, including the heaviest collection of hats he had ever had the displeasure of lugging about, But Bronze was not a man who enjoyed physical labor(Him being delicate and all that) so some day back he had "purchased" a camel from a farm they had passed by(Yes a farm!! Dont ask question about what they would grow in a tundra!) and forced the poor beast to do most of the work. Was this cheating the system? Maybe. But the fact that Wolfy hadn't seemed to notice had made him hope for the future. So ya everything had been going fine until... Well he had lost the camel and the vast majority of the gear he had been forced to lug all the way out here.

"A'ight, Bronzy, bro, checks it OAT; we fin'ly 'rived! At the WORLD FAMOUS Albequerque Holiday Inn! Where dem towels is oh so FLUFFY! And you can eat right outta the ash trays if'n youse wants to, it's okay, they's cleaned! Oh wait... Naw, we's in the middle'a candlejack-crapped nowhere."

Blink. So lost in was he, that he hadn't noticed that they had for once stopped walking, whats more he only caught one word in three that pour from wolfys mouth. So to say everything was just a jumbled mess was not only and understatement, but maybe THE understatement of the century. Okay at least it ranked up there with "peanut butter and chocolate taste goo together". In any case all he could do was stare at his king, nod his head once or twice and try to clear his mind of all the jumbled thoughts that currently filled it.

"Bronzy, put down them bagses and we gon' sta't yo testin'! Hopes you'da studied."

Ahh yes the bags... He should have panicked, he REALLY REALLY should have but for some reason he just couldn't get up the energy... It was like it wasn't really a problem... Well it was a problem but he couldn't be bothered to look at it as a problem...Well That wasn't true ether he saw it as a problem but couldn't comprehend it so he couldn't consider it.....Wait what? Some how he had managed to get himself lost in a logic loop worthy of the worlds most convoluted minds.

"Umm Ya bout them bags Sire.... You see i was lugging them along just mindin my own business when suddenly a wolly camel jumped out of no where knocked me over the head and ran off with all our stuff!!" He took deep breath and with eyes shining with what only could be sincerity he continued."What could drive such poor and innocent creatures to such deprived actions sire? Whats wrong with this world?" It hadn't quite registered yet that they where stuck in the middle of no where with no supply's....But when that sank in... Hilarity would ensue that was for sure.

[Wolfgang Murinyo]

Not having noticed the sufficient loss of supplies, regrettably including his stone hat collection, or rather, noticing them, and not caring, Wolfy marched on until he stopped and did what he did and said what he said, paying CLOSE attention to Bronze! Starting with boredly staring off into space, most likely whilst picking his nose idly, with the most -_- expression since Neil Armstrong landed on the moon and people were like "Meh." as he was all "THIS STYLE OF LANDING ON THE MOON HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN MY FAMILY LINE FOR GENERATIONS!"

But yes. He stood there, as if he didn't care, but he did care, so he listened, but without listening, or caring for that matter. And when Bronze finished explaining everything, he wiped his finger on his pants leg and grinned a mighty grin at Bronze. "Oyah, that's fine, fine, fine, fine, fiiiiiiiiine~ We didn't never need none'a that crap no ways!" And he smiled, patting Bronze on the back. "Well... Didn't need MOST of it. Ya sees; in one'a dem bagses, I had me my glow-in-the-dark autographed tenor saxomaphone from Neil Armstrong, da trumpet guy. Aaaaaaaand we haz a camel to chase, it seems... Ya'up for the challenge, sonny!?" With a bright grin yet again, he patted Bronze's shoulder and set off towards wherever Bronze had said the camel was; "TAAAAAAAAAAAATEEEEEEEEEY TOOOOOOOOOOOTS!!" And with his valiant war-cry, the chase... Had begun.

[Bronze Degan]

He picked his nose and grinned. HE PICKED HIS NOSE AND GRINNED!!! What the hell was up with this? Where was the dignity? The poise? The serious attitude his leader was know for?! Ohh...His leader. IT was all fine and good then. This wsa how he was supposed to act. Though he was just slightly peeved when he was told that all that luggage was pointless. NExt time hed make sure Wolfy carried his own saxophone. WHY THE HELL HAD HE BROUGHT THAT!?! Where they meeting a jazz band out here or something? He glanced around and noticed that there was in fact no stage set up nore was there one any where in sight and let out a sigh of relief. He wasn't about to be made to endure that torture which was good, because Bronze wasn't a fan of being tortured. In fact that was like his LEAST favorite thing to do, second only to riding "It's a Small World" in Creta. Ever since his daughter had dragged him on that fifteen times in a single day he had never been the same man. He shuddered at just the thought of it and a single manly tear ran down his cheek.

Wolfy turned and started to move off in some random direction and he HAD to fallow after. The man couldn't take care of him self and as the only responsible adult there he had to watch after him. He stopped in his tracks eyes going wide."We are doomed.." His voice was but a mumble as he realized that he was in fact not an responsible anything, at least not right then. "Wait for me sir!! Im right behind you!!"

[Wolfgang Murinyo]

Little did Bronze know the reasoning behind the picking of his nose... For it was not mere casual bored idling, or his most disgusting habit EVER, but rather, it had PURPOSE; instead of merely plucking nasal gold from his tiny fibrous pelos de narízes, he'd actually been signalling to a distant smoke message relay-man with a very powerful telescope, who in turn, smoke signalled to another smoke signaller, who repeated the action until word had finally reached Vaingloria, where Wolfy's loyal assistant Molotov received the message, and laughed heartily. "Ahhhhhh, hahahaha! He didn't! Oh, that Regy... He owes me a fortune, I bet him, sure as day, Degan'd lose the supplies to a Woolly Camel and have to go on a wild chase to find it! Friggin' hilarious!"

Seeing that his message had been received, he ended the action of disgust, flicking the booger away, not in boredom, but because it was no longer necessary, and to be honest, it reminded Wolfy too much of celery; oh, how he DESPISED celery... Soon, Bronze shouted after him, however, as he marched off, contemplating celery and boogers and the like, and he turned to face him, blinking twice, head cocked to the side, staring overly wide-eyed at Bronze, with his nose scrunched up and his mouth in a raised-to-his-nose duck-face. "Quaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaac- ERGHERMGHERMRMRMNRMGRMM. Youse din't hear dat. ANTYWAYSIN! I ain't got no idear where I'm going, Bronzey! SOES!" And witha mighty, "HEEEEEEEEEEEEERE YOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUSE GOOOOOOOOOOOOES!!!," he shoved a sticker into Bronze's forehead with amazing force, and handed him a mirror to see that the reflection read "YOUSE JUS' GOTTED PROMOTED TA GEN'RAL DEE GELE! GRATZLES!," which only proved that Wolfy was wise enough to not only fit tiny words on a sticker the size of his eyeball, but to know to make all the words BACKWARDS, so one could ONLY read them in the mirror! GEENJUS!

"WELP! Gratzles! NO! Gen'ral-man! Why don'tcha lead yer leader inta battle! CHAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!!" Mind you, the battle about to ensue may be too graphic for small penguins. So you, reader, may wish to go home... Because they had a camel to catch!

[Bronze Degan]

What? What did he just say? Bronze couldn't no wouldn't believe his ears because what he had just heard was ludicrous and down right crazy. So he just smiled, shook his head like he was agreeing with what ever the king had said, cause even Wolf wasn't that mad right? RIIIGHT? Well any delusion he may have had was shattered when a sticker was planted firmly in his forehead.The force of the blow sent him stumbling back and almost planted him on his rear he was so off balance. "Wh...What? Sire i don't think i heard you ri-" A mirror was shoved into his hands which abruptly put everything int prospective which did send him falling to the ground with what could only be described as pure... Well fear and confusion, so not really pure but as pure as one such as Bronze could manage."N...Nonononononononononon, your just joking with me, pulling my leg... YOUR NOT DOING THIS!! Your not dumb...come one me, no not that not...not me please no you know i love, hate i do...I do stuff!! Stuff that someone like this cant, you know do and such!!" His words made no sense, none at all and his wild hand gestures made little sense as well.

Bronze scrambled to his feet and quickly dusted off his cloths."I have... Places to be!! Ya places!! You can ahve this.." He drops the mirror and peals the sticker from his forehead and puts it on Wolfys coat. "This back and umm have a great ahh hike!! Thanks for the company!" With that he starts walking rather hurriedly away, in a random direction that almost meant his certain death.

[Shula Brighton]

{BUMP}

[Wolfgang Murinyo]

OH! GOODIE!It seemed Bronze was as happy about the sudden promotion as Wolfy was! THAT WAS SUCH A GOOD THI- Oh... Well, maybe not. As he merrily slapped Bronze in the head with a sticker, pure JOY exuding from his royal face, he realized Bronze had thought he was joking, and NOW took it seriously, and was eh... Shocked. Soon, Bronze was shaking his head, blubbering nonsense like a little baby girl, which Wolfy OBVIOUSLY understood fully, in its entirety, because he was Wolfy. "Nope, I'm toats f'realzies serial, both'a your legs is normal, I AM DOING IT ALWAYS ALL THE TIME FO'EVAH!, I pro'lly am purdy dumb sometimes, at the leastest, yes youse, yes dat, yes, youse again, and yep, I know you loveses and you don't likes to hate, 'n' craps, and you do lots'a stuffs, and youse still can!" WELL. His counterargument was sexy. But Bronze backed off, muttering some excuses and ran off.

...

WHY DO THEY ALWAYS RUN AWAY!?

...

Wolfy ran after Bronze, likely to the tune of some Eurodance band from the 1990s. Captain Hollywood Project, maybe. He tackled Bronze into a brohug of epic proportions as they neared a large hill, and he subsequently rolled down the hill, Bronze in tow. As they hit the bottom, Wolfy was laughing muchly from the AWESOMENESS of rolling down a hill in the schnuuuuurr. "Okee-doke, Bronzey, weze gotta do that again, someday! ALSO! Don'tcha run away again, fore I finish talkin, m'kay?" Making a really quick snow angel first, Wolfy stood, and pulled Bronze to his feet, then patted the other man on his shoulder. "Look, youse got this all wrong. I know you don't like war. Me either, but it's a thing. It happens. Soes we can be thankful for that peace treaty with 'Sparia, cus that was the main source of the wars. And secondly, if youse were Gen'ral, you wouldn't never have to be front lines no more, if we ever did go to war again; you'd be tellin' troops what to do from the back, and if'n youse don't like that either, I could do it fors ya, and I'll give you a nonlethal action troop. SPEAKIN'O'WHICH! I haded it all planned out'n such; 'fores we even got out here, I had a quarter of the R&D team workin' on nonlethal weapons research! Jus' for you! And, ta tells ya the truth... I don't think I wanna smell that musty stink no mores either, soes the less killin' we have to do in war, th' better. An' while it MAY cut us back a lil on findin' dragon fossils an' a way ta turn'em back ta life, I think it's a better cause. 'Swhy I madeja a Gen'ral, Bronzey. An' not JUS' A gen'ral, but MY Gen'ral! Me right-hand man, the kinda guy I can really rely on! I think he's youse, Bronzor. So whaddaya say now? Pleasesayyes,pwettypwease?"

And Wolfy grinned at Bronze with the most hopeful eyes he could muster, almost doing that adorable puppy-dog face that NOBODY can refuse....

"You get ta keep th' sticker too. Unless youse wants a nicer sticker, I can do dat too."

[Csilla Angelis]

{BUMP}

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