Owydelu(WIP)

[Guest]

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CASE FILE: Alchemist Ovidiu

lyrics or quote here
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FULL NAME:
→ Your character's full name here.

AGE:
→ 14

SEX:
→ Male

BIRTH PLACE:
→ Central City

RACE:
→ Amestrian

DATE OF BIRTH:
→ 19 Mai 1998

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HEIGHT:
→ 170 cm
WEIGHT:
→ 50 kg

PICTURE:
→

Spoiler:

DESCRIPTION:
→ This is me! I'm just a 14 year old kid. I'm wearing a pair of black jeans and a white peel. I usually put my black Jacket on when I'm cold but now it's a sunny day.
My black shoes need to be washed a little. They are a little dirty.
My medium sized hair is now wet. I just fought with water with some friends.
I don't have any physical handicaps so I walk normaly. I am slim....too slim but I have a lot of agility.
I have normal sized brown eyes with a little nose and a little mouth.
I don't have any facial hair (Moustache and things like this).
When i travel i bring with me a little bag where I put all I need.
OH! Look at the time! I talked a lot about myself! I got to go now! The duty is calling me!
*Runs!*

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PERSONALITY:
→ Hello Again! You know how I look like from the Description Paragraph but know I will tell you how I look from the inside!
I'm a shy person who likes to do a lot of things including those that i put down there at the "Love" Section. I like the most to sing at the guitar....It makes me feel calm.
I don't like to kill people.....we are all people so its not fair. I also don't like to think too much! My friends call me a genius, being able to do a lot of hard mathematic calculates! I may not look like it but I am...
I like to eat a lot but I'm not getting fatter....and I also like to Sleep a lot.....Oh...who doesn't like to sleep?

I like to listed to Rock Music, Metal (and kinds of it), Rap-Rock, Rap-Metal, and Music that makes me Calm..like the ones from the Fullmetal Alchemist OST...I think it was called "Brother".....
I hate Chimeras...they are not human beings and I will not accept them...not even the ones that created them. They are beasts.
I am a lovely person even if I'm not showing it....and I always protect the ones that protect me.....I call them friends.
I can easly become a depressed person...everything sad makes me cry...and I always feel sad for ones with no parents...
My friends call me funny because I make them smile everytime.....that makes me feel important in their lives.
I become Shyer than I normaly am when I talk to a girl....I don't talk to them too ofter...
So....in one sentence....I am a 14 year old kid that can easly become shy or depressed.



LOVE:
→ Live;
→ Power;
→ To Draw;
→ To do Alchemy;
→ To sing at Guitar;

HATE:
→ Dogs;
→ Water;
→ Storms;
→ To get hurt;
→ To see someone dying in my face;

DEEPEST SECRET:
→ What you put here is NOT something you blab to every character you come across, so if you, for example, put in "Fears black cats" as your deepest secret... and tell every bum you come across "Hey, I'm scared of black cats!" Then I will smack you, put you on my 'asses to be haunted' list AND delete this section from your profile for payback. (Delete if you don't have one)

IDOL:
→ This can be either another character on the site, or a historical character. You also cannot have yourself as an idol, since that's just kind of stupid. (Delete if you don't have one)

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HISTORY:
→ I was born in 1998 on 19 Mai. My mother was a Medic and my Father was an Alchemist.

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TRIVIA:
→ Anything else you want to add? Random trivia, information on an illness or disability your character has, etc.
→ Be sure to add what language they speak in the color they speak it in and to also list that as part of your signature.

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ALIAS:
→ Owydelu

OTHER CHARACTERS:
→ No;

CREATOR'S COMMENTS:
→ No;

FACE CLAIM:[*code]SERIES/ARTIST/character[/code*]

CUSTOM RANK:
→ Unknown Alchemist

OFFICIAL TITLE:
→ The Live

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[Csilla Angelis]

REVISE

First of all, welcome to MDA! Unfortunately, I've got quite a few revisions you need to look at for your app.

To begin, your format doesn't completely match the template. You cut off the top part. You'll need to add it back in. If he's an alchemist (non-militant), use that template here.

Name: So your character's name is Ovidiu but you call him Owydelu? Can you explain this a bit? Is that the correct pronunciation or a nickname?

Race: If you're not a chimera, you don't need to put "Human." Amestrian will suffice.

Weight: So you're character is 5'5" and roughly 99lbs? That's really unhealthy. Like, extremely underweight. If you're going for the starved aspect, that's your choice. But be aware being that underweight will severely effect his ability to do a lot of things.

Description:
-You're 15 words short. Description needs to be 150 words.
-Your description should be more about what your character looks like than about him as a person. Give more description as to what he looks like, what he usually wears. You can even go into how he walks and talks. "Wondering what he's going to do with his life." and that kind of vibe doesn't have to go in there.

Personality:
-Your personality is 109 words. It needs to be 300, at minimum.
-You keep switching between third person and first person in your personality. You'll need to pick a format and stay that way.
-Go ahead and elaborate more about what makes him depressed, or why he hates chimera. Talk about what makes your character how he is in terms of how he acts.
-Your description about killing chimera and then in your "Hates" saying that you hate to fight contradicts that. Do you only fight when it is necessary? Explain more on that.

Idol: If you don't have one, you can delete that section.

History:
-Your history is 337 words. It needs to be at least 400.
-Now, my MDA lore may be a little rusty, but I am pretty sure that there was NO war with Ishval around this time period. And clarify more... if his parents DID die, when? Was he 5 when they died or did they die and he was alone until he was 5?
-Unless your character was EXTREMELY bright, there is no way that he would be able to understand the concepts of alchemy at age 7. It's not at all realistic, especially for a child seemingly now living on the streets. If you want to be an alchemist, he needs a place and a reason why he started learning.
-So you say you hate to fight in your trivia, but you fought a lot as a kid? I find it a little unrealistic that a 9-year-old kid would be fighting "bad guys" and succeeding. By sheer size alone, it wouldn't pan out.
-A little kid fighting militants and killing them is also unrealistic. And they would not ask a boy to join their military at such a young age. As leader of Amestris currently, I am well aware of this fact.
-Again, you hate to fight... but you're going back to Amestris to take revenge?
-Xing studies alkahestry. Not alchemy. Read here about alchemy and here about alkahestry. Keep in mind that at level one, you can only have one or the other. You can't be studying both.
-You state in your history that you turned 11 "now"... you need to keep the correct tense in your history. If it's in the past, keep it all in the past.

Trivia:
-You need to put your languages in your trivia section. Remember to color them. Check out here for details on that.

Custom Rank:
-Every character has one. It is what goes under their avatar. If you look at mine, you see it says "Lite Brite." That's kind of what we mean. If you need help to create one, don't be afraid to ask!


All in all, good first attempt. However, you have got a lot of big changes to make on here. Go through the rules and information section and read up on the history. Try to keep things in context and around your age. We've got some pretty powerful alchemists already on this site; saying that he's the next "Legend of Alchemy" at such a young age is a little far-fetched. Don't be afraid to talk to any mod or any member for ideas, or to just bounce ideas off of. We're all here to help!

Happy revisions! ^^

[Guest]

So first:
Owydelu is my Nickname
About the tempalte:I havent found him so i took him from another person;
I wanted to make the description look like a story so i can introduce myself in there;
By saying i don't like to fight its like i don't like to fight only when it is necesary;
I learned Alchemy just to make money i said that;
Also about the number of words: I don't have anymore ideas...I don't know why there should be at least 300 words or 450.......
Also about the thing that i am unhealthy.......I'm like that in real life =.= and i can do a lot of things my friends cant so I don't know what I can't do beside the Alchemy that needs to be learned;
I will revise the History since it is that Sci-Fi
Also you said I can't learn Alchemy that early but on the FMA Wiki it Says that AL was born in 1900 and he started to learn alchemy. Then his Mother died in 1904
I'll try to revise my Char!

[Reila Tsukino]

Let us know when you're done! The 29th is your archive date.

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