Small problem

[Guest]

Claus looks around Xing with a fond smile he’d only spent a year here and already he had begun to grow attached but since Aerugese left Xing there hasn’t been enough work to support the life style he wants to live. Most would just leave the expensive apartment and stop eating fancy foods but Claus wasn’t going to do that he was leaving the country to seek new employment opportunities.

He had mulled it over and decided to go to La Cerise the crime capital of the world there were sure to be jobs there, high paying jobs there. However for now he was saying goodbye to the Xing empire by taking a nice walk before he caught his plane tomorrow.

Claus begins his walk at his apartment, he is wearing blue jeans, gray a tee shirt, and “jill” his giant pistol with a black shoulder holster. He walks deliberately as if he was on an important mission. He passes by several buildings once he hits a small shop he suddenly decides to jog. He jogs rather quickly his long legs pushing him far with each step. Suddenly out of nowhere something crashes straight into his groin. Instantly downed Claus utters the most terrible words imaginable in his home language of Drachman there are so many vulgar words that he uses that for me to type them out here it would be just plain rude.

After his outburst he looks at what crashed into him with a look that would make a grown man piss himself. His face calms after he sees his assailant it was a very short woman with pink hair. Claus says simply, “wow you’re tiny.”

[Valdís Raghild]

Slamming the door of her driver's Mercedes Benz, despite the fact that the rather famous driver, a Cretan musician from Detroit, had said for her to never slam the door of his Mercedes Benz again, in that one song once, she stomped away, as he drove off, his cameo in Xing done. Why was she in Xing? Well, for starters...

Amestrian airlines apparently DON'T allow for particularly large luggage like her mace and Siegfried and Einherjar's hammers to be transported over international lines. Which was stupid. Secondly, she'd rather deal with Xing than the war aftermaths in Creta or risk the journey through Drachma. Ah, but alas, Lokheim had to be reached somehow. So she was basically ride-thumbing to the Eastern-most point of Xing, where she could arrange for a rendezvous with her brothers and sisters in arms, a Lokhyn escort.

But to get there, she planned to walk. Because apparently people helping hitch-hikers wanted her to PAY them! HA! Like it wasn't a free service done out of so called goodness of heart! Screw dat. Her money was HER money! Not some lower-middle class motorist! HA! In fact, some of their money was her money; everybody loved pudding, especially when conveniently sold both in her own shops, AND in convenience stores, internationally! How convenient. For her, that is~ A fool and his money are soon parted, as they say; she was just thankful fools were still wise enough to know pudding was delicious wand worth the price. She hadn't spent nearly twenty years hauling a successful business out of a street-side vendor booth for nothing, y'know.

And that's why she was in Xing! Well, the first stuff, not the successful cash empire bit. But as she walked through Xing, something AWFUL happened. Minding her own business, she just HAPPENED to notice a man brush roughly by her, Drachman, he looked, and snatching her purse. THE FIEND! THAT WAS PRADA. Luckily, it didn't have her money in it (credit card + bra = safer than a bank vault, as it seemed), but IT. WAS. EXPENSIVE. Turning, she came cleanly face to face with the man, oddly dissimilar from the man ho snatched her purse, and did as only she would; she gave him a good, solid, roundhouse to the groin, knocking him to the ground. She proceeded then to scan him for the purse, and finding it not on him, became FURIOUS. He stood, and then made his smiting blow; with an amused expression, he noted her height.

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OH NO HE DI'N'T.

Actually, he did, and Valdis promptly registered this by brutally slamming the heel of her high-heeled shoe into his shin, aiming to maximize pain, before throwing another kick hard into his knee on the other leg. "I AM NOT TINY, MOOOOOOOOROOOOOOON!! I AM A POWERFUL LOKHYN WARRIOR, I AM RICH, AND MY MIGHT IS GOD-TIER, AND AS SUCH, GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES, AND START PRAYING FOR FORGIVENESS, YOU VODKA-SWILLING, UNICYCLING DRACHMAN PIG FOOL!!"

[Guest]

Claus couldn’t believe it he was being assaulted by someone who could fit in his shoe, What was going on. Claus stands up(after his statement) and immediately he feels a sharp pain in his shin. He thinks ‘what the hell is wrong with this girl does she want me to kick her ass.’ Then as if on cue he feels another sharp pain this time in his knee the little brat had assaulted his knee this time.

At first Claus planned to have a nice farewell jog in Xing but with one unintended insult he had unknowingly opened a Pandora’s Box of problems, and not knowing what danger he is in, he was about to make it worse.

After her strange outburst Claus raises an eyebrow and says “three things, one I do not drink vodka ,nor do I ride a Unicycle!” he says this with apparent anger. Then he says, ”they must call everone a warrior if they allow a half pint brat like yourself to have that destiction!!!”

[Valdís Raghild]

As he stood again after her enraged rant, and she really did have to admire his ballsy refusal to submit, he cocked an eyebrow and spoke in his own little language, as she'd addressed him in, in response to his linguistically similar first statement, which started all this mess. So she listened, glaring daggers up into his beady little Drachman eyes, and as he ended his statement, she spoke coldly, but calmly. "Well. As a business major from the University of Vaingloria, I dare to say, based on my knowledge of demographics, Drachma is entirely composed of vodka-drinking bears that partake in riding unicycles. Whether this is truth or not, I don't care, because technically, I never even learned that in any class, but it is absolute tuth, and therefore, is true. And furthermore... IF YOU DARE TO CALL ME A BRAT AGAIN, YOU WILL FIND YOUR TESTICLES STRUNG UP ON A CLOTHESLINE, YOUR HEART RIPPED FROM BETWEEN YOUR RIBS AND SHOVED DOWN YOUR ESOPHAGUS, AND UNTIL YOU DIE OF BLOOD LOSS AND PAIN, AND HAVING NO HEART, YOU WILL SUFFER THE EXCRUCIATING PAIN OF A SPIKED MACE SHOVED UP YOUR ANUS!! So. To clarify, no, the Lokhyn people have many rigorous tests to determine warriorship, most of which are based on those of the ancient Spartans of Xerxes. So until YOU can survive in the wild for thirty days with nothing but rags to wear, no food, and no weapons, don't tell ME about my society's warriors, ya hear me, commie!?"

[Guest]

Claus laughs loudly then says with a savage smile firstly, "I left the Drachma because they were drunk commie bastards. however, in my time there I have never seen a bear riding a unicycle."

Claus had to admire the brats courage despite being small enough for him to step on she was threatening him like a pro. She was not afraid of him despite his sheer size and muscle mass, but his pride could not let this slide.

"All right you bratty midget, firstly I have done all you have said and worse but the difference is i had the talent to complete the mission before thirty days passed." he smiles broadly then says calmly "you are not a warrior what was the last battle you fought.... a warrior is one who is engaged in battle i'm a warrior but you, you're just a mediocre shit talker." he then shouted with a face that read pure anger "I am not a Commie!!!!!!"

[Valdís Raghild]

OHOHO!? This guy THOUGHT he was good, he THOUGHT he had tact! But NAY! NAY, SHE SAID! For he was being sneaky. "Nope, nope, nope, haha. I can TELL you're lying to me, because EVERYBODY knows the entire population of Drachma is unicycling bears! And yes, those unicycling bears are all alcoholics, with a radical take on socialism, and five fathers!" Unfortunately, the next words he say interrupted her temporary moment of calm, as she reached abruptly to her waist and drew her mace, steel and crudely spiked, sending it in rapidfire succession, thrice at his legs, and witha fourth blow aimed at his testicles, before sheathing the beast again. "CALL ME A MIDGET OOOOOONEEEE MOOOOOOOOOORE TIIIIIIIIIIME!! OOOOOOOOOOOOONE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE, YOU GODSFORESAKEN SON OF A WHORE, AND I WILL MURDER YOU RIGHT HERE WHERE YOU STAND, DO YOU HEAR ME!?"

Calming down, she then responded, with a rather irate snarl. "Idiot, the test is the thirty days; ain't no mission to be done faster, you dumb pig-man. I had the talent to strangle grizzly bears to death barehanded, at the age of seven. And to be quite honest, I'd rather not get into a full-blown pissing contest with you over who did what first. As for battles? The battle of Gelemort vs Esparia, most recently. A pansy-war, the Lokhyn were intended to help the Gelemortian fleet, and the godsforsaken fools were too stupid to not die, so I called the retreat, after sinking a few ships, if only to ensure my men died in more glorious battle than that. The last REAL combat I was in, however, was three years ago, also a war against Esparia. Suffice to say, I took no prisoners, and pleased Odin quite well, I should say. And whaddabout you, girly-man? Fought any pickle-jars recently? Commie?~"

[Shula Brighton]

{BUMP}

[Guest]

Claus draws his Pride and joy with amazing speed and is able to surprisingly parry all of her blows. When she starts back at the rant he is tempted to put the little runt but ignores his first instinct. He sheathes his knife and says quickly, “ Wow the Lokhyn are dumber than I thought, first they allow a runt like you to be a ‘warrior’, then they send people into the wilderness for no reason without anything to actually complete.” He chuckles then says, “I’m actually impressed, I’m surprised a someone like you didn’t get taken out by a vicious bunny rabbit.” He laughs loudly then says, smile gone “I am not a Commie!!!!!!! You napoleon complex having pipsqueak.” This girl was getting on his nerves in all honesty he was contemplating shooting her in the leg, but it might remove the limb. He then states “small people generally have temper problems… do you need the number to my therapist?”

[Valdís Raghild]

Valdis had to laugh as he drew weapons of his own to counter her mace, and she glared up at him with a malicious sneer. After that, she spoke again, yada-blah, and as HE spoke, the sneer was replaced by a face of not anger, but annoyance. "Yeesh, are you repetitive! Let me reiterate; the Lokhyn AREN'T dumb, I fought from birth to now to BE a warior, and we had a mission to complete; survival of the fittest. If you can survive the elements that long, then you are fit to attempt to take the tests to become a warrior. Think of it as a preliminary exam. Siphons out the weak, and hardens the strong. Also, I'm surprised you aren't at home screwing your mother right now, while I punch bears to death in the face, rather than puny rabbits who can't even forma challenge to me at all, ever." With a boastful laugh, having obviously won their verbal clash, she spoke again, a teasing grin embedded on her face. "If you aren't a commie, then may it hail oxen from the heavens above, and if it don't, then you're OBVIOUSLY a commie!" Giving her words a few seconds, as if expecting huge mammals to fall from seemingly nowhere, like rain, humoring her own idea, she spoke again, pointing at Claus, in amusement at her own words. "Commie, commie, commie, commie, coooooooooooommieeeeeeeee, C-O-M-M-I-E, what does that spell, DRACHMAAAAAAAN!~" But at his insults directed at her, she stomped at his foot, put a hand on her hip, and sighed, before looking at him again, angry expression having returned. "Look here, moron! I am NOT a pipsqueak, I'm petite and lithe, unlike your fat piggy self. And I don't have anything related to that midgety little Rouenian pansy-brat! Nor do I have a temper problem, and if I did, I wouldn't take the number of any therapist you offered up; they obviously failed with you, why should I trust them with my brain!? Idiot."

[Csilla Angelis]

{BUMP}

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