FAILED

[Dawsic]

...........................................................................
CASE FILE: Transmutation Equipment

Dawsic Lawson

...........................................................................

NAME:
→ Dawsic Lawson

TYPE:
→ Alchemy: Basic


LEVEL:
→ Level 1

FORM:
→ He can manipulate anything that has element Hafnium. He cannot use any other element.

...........................................................................

BRIEFING:
→ Dawsic can take the hafnium out of materials and change it into a variety of tools. He uses this ability as both an offensive and defensive tactic. He can't do this if he uses to much energy.
He created this ability when he was traveling. The heavier the material the longer it takes to transmute it. He uses the solid by manipulating a couple shards he keeps in his jacket, and the hafnium his automail produces as a coolant to extreme heat. If there is no hafnium Dawsic is defencless

PICTURE:
→

Spoiler:

→ Dawsic's Circle is engraved on the right palm of his automail arm.

...........................................................................

SPECIAL ABILITIES:
→ Halo Storm: He can form Hafnium shards which he can shoot at the enemy.
. Since he uses so much power for this one ability, he cannot uses alchemy for a few hours. Since it is power consuming and it takes a long time to do it, he rarely uses this ability.

...........................................................................

...........................................................................

[Guest]

REVISE

Okay, no.

1] Use the proper sheet and coding and such. Otherwise it just looks downright ugly.

2] Remove the Alkahestry part if it isn't Alkahestry. Derp.

3] So, wait. Using the transmutation circle engraved onto a metal pipe he can change its shape, manipulate hydrocarbons, cause ANY elements to become volatile and explosive, perform whatever the hell "alchemical fission" is, though I presume the splitting of atoms through alchemical means, which, fyi, is off-limits, and you're doing all of this from a basic circle?

For starters, no. Your alchemy is allowed to be ONE SINGULAR PROCESS. Hydrogen and carbon are not at the centre of every element. Elements are the most base and simplest form of atoms; hafnium is not magically constructed from hydrogen and carbon. Hydrogen and carbon are different elements. What you're pleading is chemically implausible. Remove that entirely.

So here's the thing: you can have one process and ability. Your transmutation circle can do one thing. You are not Edward Elric. You have an alchemical speciality. You are not a jack-of-all-trades. So make your mind up about what you want to do - reshaping metal itself in the form of a lead pipe is one ability alone, and that's a whole other ball game.

4] Change the transmutation circle image. That corresponds to basic matter transmutation, reshaping, etc, which you're clearly not making use of.

[Dawsic]

Revisions have been made

[Guest]

REVISE

The technical details have been cleared up, but the content is still falling flat far from the mark.

You are allowed one process at level one. Hafnium shards, removing the oxygen from water, reshaping iron, these are all separate processes. You are not able to manipulate all manner of overarching elements. That's far too wide a basis and far too difficult to accurately work with. It's OP, god-modding, and it makes you look like you're trying to build a do-everything kill-everyone hero.

ONE PROCESS.

[Dawsic]

Revisions have been made

[Guest]

REVISE

Okay, this is just getting irritating.

Dawsic can rearrange and remove the elements from any substance (thats not nuclear), and make the useless, usable.

NO. You can not fuck with any non-nuclear elemental substance. This allows you to work with just about 99% of modern commodities today. No, no, no no no NO. Just remove this entirely.

Work on the hafnium. At least that's regular. Specialise. Even in your scopes a LOT more. This is still godmodding and OP - you can manipulate anything. If you want hafnium shards, you are going to be able to manipulate only hafnium. And shit-all else.

Does that actually make sense? Cause if it doesn't...

[Guest]

Archive date is the 17th.

[Dawsic]

Revisions have been made. I got changed a few things into things involving ONLY the element Hafnium

[Guest]

REVISE

1] Center coding at the top is still messed up. Recopy the sheet.

2] You didn't mention anywhere in Dawsic's character app that Wolfgang was his uncle. Why now?

3] Form is still incorrect. The form is where the circle is engraved. Rectify.

4] He only manipulates hafnium, yet he can shoot iron shards and carbon crystals? What in the name of fuck is that? No, if you're only manipulating hafnium, you're only manipulating hafnium. A herp derp derp.

5] Last but not least, expand massively on the process of how the whole hafnium thing actually works. Where does he get it? Does he carry it? Does he extract it? If so, how, because most rocks don't contain hafnium? Just go into as much vibrant detail as you can in this sign-up. Don't try and just skim it past me.

[Dawsic]

Revisions have been made

[Guest]

REVISE

No, they haven't.

You've blatantly ignored some of them.

1] See #1 above.

2] You haven't expanded at all. Do this, or I'm not approving it. Seriously, we can go on for days. Explain the damn process.

3] How does he launch these shards? He can't just run around firing them out of his arms like some hafnium Spiderman. They'll have to be thrown, catapulted, or somesuch using another form of medium, presumably technology.

4] FYI, hafnium isn't a great idea, even if I used it in examples. It's not in massive abundance around the globe naturally. You'd have to obtain rare samples in massive quantity for this ability to be feasible.

5] You're probably going to want to change your official title after this.

As a note, if I ask you to revise something, actually do it, before you bump the thread again.

[Guest]

What's all this "FAILED" stuff?

[Dawsic]

It means I'm gonna scrap it and restart.

[Guest]

Oh, right. Then I'll archive it.

[Sponsored content]