:'(

[Dawsic]

:'(

[Guest]

REVISE

1) You need to use the standard template. Sizes, fonts, everything; don't tweak the code. Copy-paste it in its entirety.

2) Can't be a State Alchemist until level two.

3) Your alchemy is entirely off. We'll rectify this in the transmutation app, but for now keep any mention of what his OP alchemy does out of your app.

4) Your username has to be your character's name.

5) The languages have to be coloured. Not just default text.

6) Okay, your mother is not a Philosopher's Stone. No, no, and no. For one point, it takes thousands of souls to make a Philosopher's Stone. And, that aside, here, you have to pay a staggering 1000 points to actually have ACCESS to a Philosopher's Stone. So, y'know, cut that entirely.

7) Pretty sure Central wasn't ruined 18 years ago.

Okay, I'm 6'2 and I'm 200-210lbs. Your 5'8 character, even with a muscular build, at 230lbs, I'm afraid to say, is only going to end up being that weight if he's packing on the pounds and has been eating all the pies.

9) Cretan war was a year or so ago at most, not 13. Rectify all those date problems.

10) Nicholas Flamel... never existed in FMA canon. This is a little shadier point. You'll need to discuss this with me.

11) Your state alchemist evaluation, which you can't even apply for until Level 2, is never going to be four months long.

12) Okay, I know you want to be the hero and all, but this is just a little advice from me, personally: if you want to construct a character realistically, the whole insubstantial 'my name is Devin I hate all homunculi and are going to kill them!!!!!11!' isn't really the ideal thing. You're not Edward Elric. Make your own character.

13) The Fuhrer hasn't existed for a good couple of years, and I think they were substituted by Hild and Aurelius as pseudo-Fuhrers when it came to it at some point. Again, read the plot to clarify here.

14) Pulling diamonds out of rocks using alchemy at that sort of level doesn't happen. Make your transmutation app and keep all mention of your character's alchemy out of this character app.

15) You're contradicting yourself in the personality. 'Devin is one of those people who are so secretive it gets on your nerves.' and then 'Devin is also a bit of a showoff and will often do transmutations as an entertainer.' If he's so secretive, then why the hell is he showing off?

Look, here's my advice. Read the plot, read the information threads, and copy-paste the ACTUAL template in, and look at some other characters for examples - you're not Edward Elric, you're a small part of MDA's giant jigsaw. You want to contribute and be the hero - yes, I understand. But so does EVERYONE else. This is a community experience, and you need to try and realise that you're not going to be the end-all idol of the entire MDA world.

[Guest]

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