Morin,Sysin

[Guest]

FULL NAME:
→ Sysin James Morin

AGE:
→ 15

SEX:
→ male

BIRTH PLACE:
→ unknown

RACE:
→ a paled skin humonculos

DATE OF BIRTH:
→ April 25,1997


...........................................................................


HEIGHT:
→ 5'4"

WEIGHT:
→ 173lb

DESCRIPTION:
→ a pale skined humonculos with short black hair.he has golden eyes,and he has a large scar down his right eye.he wheres a black overcoat,and grey jeans.his right eye also has the oreoborous symbol as an iris

...........................................................................


PERSONALITY:
→ he is a person who blends in with the background,but will be outright if needed.he usually keeps to himself,and doesn't take picking on people smaller then themselves easly.he,unlike most humonculos,tries to avoid killing humans.he detest other humonculos,and is often caught saying"Have you ever met a humonculos that doesn't like to kill?...good,cause one doesn't exist...Have you ever met one that doesn't like to kill humans?...you have now..."

HATE:
→ most humonculos

DEEPEST SECRET:
→ he was intentionally made a humonculos


...........................................................................


HISTORY:
→his father was an alchemist,and when he died at the age 5,the man had no idea what to do.he then sacrificed a young orphan boy to create a humonculos.his plan had succeeded,but with a horrible price.his wife had been caught in the transmutation,killing her aswell.he was raised by his father for 2 years,before the military found out of his fathers experiment.he was taken away,and the boy was locked away to be studied.he was enraged by the militarys actions,and a spark connected in the back of his skull.his power was unleashed.he absorbed the room he was being held,becoming a massive stone creature.he totalled the building,and killed most who worked there.he was captured soon after he returned back to his normal form.he had escaped once again,a more steathy tactic.he hated the military,but he hated what he had done more.he vowed to not kill another human,but found another quary.he escaped to the great dessert,and he aimed to wipe the face if the earth of every last humonculos...
...........................................................................


TRIVIA:
→ he hides his power,and will often join a fight if a humonculos is involved
→ he wont touch a human unless he absolutly has to


...........................................................................


ALIAS:
→ Golem

OTHER CHARACTERS:
→ first alchemy character,but I am fluent in making characters a an acceading pace

CREATOR'S COMMENTS:
→ first alchemy character,but I am fluent in making characters a an acceading pace

[Guest]

{REVISE}

A few order of business as it follows over the points to address.

- Homunculi slots are closed off, and henceforth unavailable for applying to, till a Homunculus is deposed and dead. Therefore I regretfully inform you that you will have to incline towards other characters.

- Application has a myriad of spelling and grammar errors which normally is overlooked, but in this case, has been too numerous to ignore. The main point is to use a spell check, and also to know that Homunculus is spelled Homunculus. Also you have 36 words in description when the minimum is 150 words. Personality has 66 words when the minimum is 300 words. History is 164 words when minimum for that is 450 words. In accordance to this, adapt appropriately, but in a manner of speaking without having to apply for Homunculus, as we are no longer accepting the role.

- Golem aspect does not reflect any Sins as I see it. Becoming a rock thing doesn't make sense in the context you wish to reflect, and even if you were being allowed to become a Homunculus, you need a Sin, and it is hard to even see what embodiment of a Sin you are trying to reflect. Also... Homunculus are not made that way. Not in the canon we follow. They are not a resulting spawn of Human Transmutation, but rather are a product of Philosopher Stones done to skirt the taboos of Alchemy.


There are too many points to address, but anyways, I recommend you work towards brushing up your grammar. If English isn't your first language, then know this site makes heavy use of English in particular, and I fear you may fall behind in terms to the other users. Though my advice is to study for it so the next time you would register a character sheet, you'd have an adequate chance of being accepted. Otherwise, feel free to register again, but know that it won't be easy in your shoes to keep up with the rest of your forum. Also watch Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, and read the manga if your source was the 2003 anime of Fullmetal Alchemist.

Other than that, renovate your entire application for another position in particular.