Jason Merson

[Guest]

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CASE FILE: Alchemist/Militant

"Please.. I said don't die on me... Y-You promised me you wouldn't die.."
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FULL NAME:
→ Jason Merson

AGE:
→ 23

SEX:
→ Male

BIRTH PLACE:
→ Edo, Aerugo

RACE:
→ Aerugese

DATE OF BIRTH:
→ June 20th, 1988

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HEIGHT:
→ 185.5 Centimeters

WEIGHT:
→ 78.47148001 Kilograms

PICTURE:
→

Spoiler:

DESCRIPTION:
→ Starting from his head, it's obvious that Jason is quite a good looking young man. Other than a single scar on his face, extending from his hairline on the left side of his face, under his eyes, and reaching onto his nose, he is completely free of blemishes. His hair is smooth black, short, and spiky; although it doesn't point outwards. It is limp hair, preferring to lay on his head. Most of the time, its length only goes a bit pas his ears, except around the face. Around his face he has cut the hair over his eyes, although he has left a small tuft of it above his nose. This tuft above his nose is roughly an inch shorter than the rest of his hair, although it normally doesn't get much in his way.

Around his hair he wears a simple red head band, roughly two and a half centimeters in length. His face is smallish, and curved. His eyes are smallish, high up on his face, and his mouth is on the small side as well, not taking up much of the room that is his face. Around his neck he wears a simple pendant on a red necklace of beads. He has a very high collar that goes all the way up his neck. His jacket has a half zipper, allowing his pendant and the edge of his pectorals to be shown. His jacket has two decorative buttons on either side.

The jacket extends all the way down to his knees; however, it is held fast by a belt around his waist. The bottom half of the jacket is open in the center, just below the center of his waist. Around his legs he wears bulky black armor, and his shoes follow this bulky pattern. However, the bottoms of the shoes are a cool-red color. They have no laces or straps. Around his arms he wears black bracers and arm guards. His underwear is, oddly enough, pink colored, if anyone managed to get a glance at it.

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PERSONALITY:
→To start off, Jason has and will always be a failure when it comes to woman. To a certain extent, Jason cannot speak to a woman unless she is of higher ranking than him, due to that making anything she says an order. Since this is the only way Jason can truly talk to any woman he knows, he becomes difficult to interact in the field with fellow members in a team, especially if those fellow member/s are female, which would only dig him into a deeper and deeper hole. Along with that, Jason has never actually been able to speak to any type of woman, whether she is tall, small, fat, skinny, tan, pale, black, white, it doesn’t matter, Jason just can’t speak to a woman on a one on one level due to how shy he is.

As stated before, Jason is a very shy individual, and, it can easily be seen if you talk or interact with him in any sort of way. He’s.. How you say, a quiet one. Jason doesn’t go out of his way for anyone that he doesn’t truly know as an Acquaintance or a friend, but, that doesn’t mean he will stand by when something bad is occurring around him. Along side the fact the fact that he can be shy around nearly anyone that comes into contact with him, Jason is the type of man NOT to go looking for trouble, nor is he the type of man to go looking for anyone he has not met before due to him not “liking” to talk to new people.

To be completely honest, Jason reacts to anything that is new or odd, maybe even surprising, in a way that you wouldn't imagine most people reacting to. Jason reacts to these things in a quiet, unavoidable manner. To be specific, he allows himself to get caught up in the moment, and even to that extent, he allows his brain to take over. His brain taking over literally means his brain taking over. In these moments of passive speech, he can speak to anyone and everyone in a manner that is almost.. Robotic. These types of moments occur when a girl shows some type of feelings for him, or a comrade trying to protect him, something that he himself would do for another person. He is passive in this state, he does not know what occurs, and he just goes with the flow.

To finally end his personality, Jason has the willpower of a god at times. What this means, is that when he puts his mind to something, he's not going to give up, nor is he going to try to make it easier on himself and anyone else doing this said "thing". Although Jason can be an odd man, or a Passive man, or even a quiet man, he will NEVER allow his willpower to lower. Yes, he has low self-esteem, and YES, he is quiet, but, that doesn't truly matter when it comes to that of his will, his will is truly the ONLY THING that can move him forward,and thus, is the thing that keeps him alive.

Jason's life goal is... Even though it would be considered hugely cliched, its his want to protect the things he loves, yes, everything for that matter. Yes, its slightly cliche that Jason wishes to protect every little thing that's able to be protected, but, even more on that fact, he wishes to protect Everything. He. Loves. It doesn't matter who the hell or what the hell it is, its the only wish and goal he truly wants to fulfill in life, everything else is small time compared to this want, no, not want, this need. This thing pushes him farther and farther, and it won't stop until it has reached its in, and I'm sure you know what that is.

LOVE:
→ His Gauntlets
→His Alchemy
→His Hair
→His Family
→Creta (Lol)
→Fish
→His Friends
→Dietrich
→Anybody he has met and felt a feeling of safety with
→Anything pertaining to his bodily possessions.

HATE:
→ Disrespect
→ Hate towards others for no reasons
→ Discrimination
→ Those who attack his friends
→ Talking to girls

DEEPEST SECRET:
→ He has a fear of losing anyone he loves, which, if this were to occur, he'd enter a frenzy of depression.

IDOL:
→ Dietrich Von Vermont

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HISTORY:
→ Jason was born in 1988 by a woman of 27. He grew up with only a mother and he didn’t have any other family that he knew of, being an only child and knowing of no other cousins or aunts and uncles. Growing up, Jason was a shy child, just like he is today, but, to a lesser extent. He still had his issues with talking to girls, but he could at least talk, unlike now, which shows that as he grew older, he lost hope with women. Along with growing up an only child, he also had few friends, although, most of those friends that he actually had were males, not females.

Jason became an alchemist due to his mother. Although, his mother wasn’t as weak as he was in the art of manipulating metals, he’s done good for the little amount of training that she gave him. At the age of 17, his mother died due to a disease known as Dysentery. She was forced to live with the disease for some time due to not having the correct financial aid or insurance to allow herself treatment, but because of the wait it took, she died before anything could actually be done. Since his mother died when he was at the age of 17, he was forced to get a job and afford a apartment for himself, having to live on his own without anyone actually knowing who or what he was. During this time, he worked in construction, the only true thing he had ability in was physical labor.

Jason had been worried; after all, his mother had just died. He was confused, unknowing what he was doing. He wondered through his days, his mind in a haze, unsure of where to go or what to do. However, this soon changed, as he turned on the TV one day.

There, speaking, was his hero, Dietrich, Leader of Creta. He finally had inspiration, as the idea entered his mind to go to Creta. The journey was long, and difficult, but he stuck to it, even though he was alone, at long, long last reaching the place that he had dreamed of. He sought out the military of Cretan, and proved to them that he was adept enough to join their ranks. They welcomed him in, and this is how he came to emigrate to Creta.

At the age of 22, Jason decided he would end up being a Alchemist like his mother as stated before, so he entered the Creta Military Force, only to discover that he’d go over a year of vigorous training on his Alchemy, his combat skills, and his ability to compute during a situation. During this year round training, this was the first time that Jason had ever entered combat with someone, which is also why he was trained specifically to use his metals as weapons, anything metallic that he could GET into his hands would be needed as a weapon, in his eyes. During this time in combat, he was beat to near death, being forced to stay in the hospital for about two to three weeks recovering. When he came back, he challenged the same trainee in his class to a fight, in which he won after vigorous training in the ways of Muy Thai.

At his current Age of 23, he is a militant in the Cretan Military, along with him training his alchemy each and every day. Although his Alchemy is not that of masters, it is not horrid. Compared to when he first used Alchemy at the age of 15, he has gotten alot better as a person and as an Alchemist. Along with the fact that he has grown as he Alchemist, he himself has grown as a person, even if speaking to women is a problem with him, he has gathered quite a few friends and can actually respond to any type of person when asked a serious question. No, he still can't talk to random women on the street when they approach, but he can atleast try. His combat ability at this age is also Outstanding compared to his abilities at the age of 15, he himself has grown into the man he himself wanted to be, nothing like his father, that's for sure. Along with all that has happened during his time as a 23 year old, he has also never, ever had a lover, nor someone that he found interest in. Why? He's afraid, thats the number one thing that prevents him to speaking to women at this time. Will it change? Hopefully, if not, it's all his choice.

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ALCHEMIC/ALKAHESTRIC ABILITY:
→ Jason’s Alchemic Ability is the power to transmute metals, specifically steel at the moment. This does not mean he can change it into anything he wants, this ability will consist of only a few forms at first due to him being a Level One. Along with that, the steel block that he carries around can be used constantly and over and over. This steel block itself can be used to create the forms below, and in the further future, more and more things. Along with that, his main weapons are the Gauntlets and Steel block due to his transmutation only working on steel at the time. Those forms are as listed below.

-He can form a Blade that reaches a length of a single meter

As an additional form to this ability in general, he also carries around a block of steel that he can manipulate to his will, but only in the form of a sword, a polearm, or throwing knives.

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TRIVIA:
→ He Loves Fish
→ He's never been able to talk to women.
→ He's Male.
→ He can't hold a grudge with anyone.
→ He's in love with Anime.
→ He can't sleep with lights on.
→ While sleeping, he must be nude or in his boxers.
→ Along side all that, He's a loud man when he's by himself.
→ He speaks Cretan, Amestrian, Sign language, Aerugse

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ALIAS:
→ Cody

OTHER CHARACTERS:
→ First Character

CREATOR'S COMMENTS:
→ Well, Honestly, no. I don't truly have anything to say due to myself being new, I'll just let everything flow as it does, since, you know, new and all. xD

FACE CLAIM:

Code:

[b]Elsword[/b]/[i]Raven[/i]

CUSTOM RANK:
→ The Shy One

OFFICIAL TITLE:
→ The Forge Alchemist

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[Reila Tsukino]

REVISE


1. Race: *Aerugese
2. Personality: "his will is truly the ONLY THING that can move him forehead" -- LOL XDDD <333333
3. This isn't something I'd make you edit, but just to make you aware, your grammar is a bit off. Watch your "it's" and so on.
4. Love: Here's something to think about, in his personality you have: "his want (he wants*) to protect the things he loves", however that alludes to the fact that he wants to protect: His Gauntlets, His Alchemy, His Hair, etc. Maybe specify that a bit more?
5. History: Take out the paragraph at the top.
6. History: "a State Alchemist in the Cretan Military" -- There are not state alchemists in the Cretan military. You should take a closer look at the Cretan Classifieds and talk to Izzy (Dietrich).
7. History: This isn't needed, but from 17-22 where did he work? 17 isn't a legal age to live apart from one's parents typically.
8. History: "Jason decided he would end up being a State Alchemist like his mother was," -- take that out~
9. Trivia: Loves fish can be put under Love?
10. Alchemic Ability: ...So he just carries around a block of steel? And his Gauntlet is made out of steel??

[Guest]

Revised ^^;

[Guest]

REVISE/INQUIRY

- Mind elaborating how he is Aerugese yet there was never a mention of any heritage dating back to emigration into Creta?

- Lessen the amount of steel abilities you have, only one ability at level 1. Making many forms of weapons counts as many beyond the limit of 1. Anyways, as heads up, know you'll be required to put in your transmutation equipment on how dense your steel you carry around is.

[Guest]

REVISE

As a quick note to all parties involved here, I'm going to be an ass, because derpface Cody said he didn't feel like this app was his best work. Thus, I'm going to attack every minor detail I can see in an effort to get him to improve!

1) Capitalisation. Quickly check up online the definition of a proper noun. Capital letters ONLY come in a few circumstances, with the rules being slightly more loose in informal writing, but not loose enough that you get to throw them around willy-nilly. Edit your app appropriately.

2) Rounding. Once more, a nitpick, but it's stupid that you include not one, not two, but a grand total of EIGHT decimal places in Jason's weight. Sure, I get you used a converter and copy-pasted. I don't care. If this was a maths paper, and you scrawled out everything you could see in your calculator display when the question explicitly asked 'to two decimal places', you'd lose the marks you could gain. Obviously, this isn't a maths paper, but when referring to statistics in writing, generally any decimals are rounded to one place and just that (generally). Eight is a little overboard.

3) Once more, *Aerugese. In your languages section.

4) Consistency, soldier! Either have spaces after your arrows, or don't!

5) A lot. A LOT. A. LOT. TWO SEPARATE WORDS. TWO SEPARATE ENTITIES. OH MY GOD -shoots up a bar- I tell this to people all the time. WILL SOMEONE HEAR MY CRAZED GRAMMAR NAZI PLEAS!?

6) Thesauruses are your best friends. Try not to re-use the same verbs and nouns over and over. It makes you sound like an amateur writer, and makes the words themselves (and your writing as an entity) bland as all hell. 'Vigorous' is one I'm seeing a lot, just from a quick glance.

7) He carries a block of steel around with him all the time? Enough to make a polearm? Polearms are hefty, and even then, the balance to size ratio would make it doable. We're talking a serious weight of steel which would be a bitch to carry around and handle, i.e. some serious broken fingers here. It's your choice, but if you DO choose to go along with this, I want to see you being consistent with this, and not just throwing the steel around as if it's fairy dust.

8] It's a nitpick, but, confident as an MDA parallel to England/America, Muay Thai as a KICKBOXING discipline would likely only be taught to commandos in the Cretan military on request, and not your average soldier, being that it's foreign. Even then, he's pretty young to be a commando at that point, and I can vouch for the fact that it takes a good ~3 years to extensively and rigorously learn martial arts without intensely concentrating on it - keeping in mind he'd also be taught how to handle weaponry, survive in the wilds, etc, alongside his being an alchemist which would undoubtedly extend training time. Please try to fix these inconsistencies.

And finally... nine. This isn't a point I require changing so much as one I'd like to see changed. You're a good writer and a well-mannered guy. Set your app standards a touch higher, raise the bar. This is MDA, we don't want your app to be half-assed - it ruins the experience for you. Sure, it's a basic basis from which your character can develop, but why not just sit down and try to immerse yourself? Get to know the character better, so you're not sat there thinking 'okay, what the fuck do I do now?!' once you're approved. Give them a goal. Give them ideals, ideas. Make them three-dimensional - as he is, Jason feels like your wooden run-of-the-mill NPC - and I'm not saying that's because he's a bad character. I imagine that he's wonderfully defined in your mind - you just need to work on putting it on paper.

I know quantity isn't everything, but through it, quality writing can sometimes be prodded, provoked, and drawn out of that reclusive little shell it so enjoys. Don't be afraid to be eloquent and flowery. Sound like a pretentious douche. God knows I do, half the time. Use all those sometimes-bullshit teacher-exclusive techniques that you probably ignored through English 101. Just get to grips with the character and try to explore it - don't force the writing out. Get a running start, get your flow, and let the writing come - as naturally as it should. That's when you'll know it's an app that's completed, that's when you'll be confident - and above all, ready to RP.

So don't just make minor edits on a whim and compound this. Take some time, think about it - I know others may throw out apps with ease, but that's just conditioning and experience. Just get some sleep, relax, grab a drink - approval isn't what you or Jason needs. Sure, it might seem like it. But just give yourself a blank canvas and lay Jason down upon it as best you can. Let the writing flow.

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