Sora/InsanityHomunculi

[Guest]

Name: Sora Yuki Utsusu (( Copy Cat Alchemist ))

Homunculi Name: Insanity

Age: 17 (( She's a homunculi, so she knows who the original people were ))

Hair: Silver ((Long, to her waist ))

Eyes: Caramel Gold (Human), Scarlet/Purple (( Homunculi ))

Alchemy: I can copy others (( Not god mode > ))

Clothes: Black japanese t-shirt, white cargo pants, dark brown sandals (( Everyday clothes )). State Alchemist Uniform (( Military )).

Friends: People from the original series, Random younger state alchemists, KIMBLEE~!

Enemies: Father, Lust, Military (( Some, like King Bradley ))

In love with: (( I will never tell you >;D ))

History: Sora did not get her alchemy by books, she got them by the expriments her parents used on her to make her the "Ultimate Weapon" for the Military. Sucessfully, her parents did this but died soon after by Lust and Envy. Sora soon became a Human-Based Homunculi after she realised there were interesting people, and she wanted to copy all the alchemy she found.

[Guest]

REVISE

- Your application is too abridged to even allow on the site, doesn't follow proper templates, consists of its own, which begs me to question, did you read the rules? We follow uniformity on this site when it comes to applying for a character sheet. Henceforth I will be inclined to direct you towards this following link, you will have to look at it, paste this template and build upon from there rather than your own: https://mdalchemist.rpg-board.net/t1210-profile-templates

- On the accounts that your application were ever to be gauged on its quality, you are approximately 400 words short in your history of actually even making bare minimum, it is inconsistent of the lore on the site and with Fullmetal Alchemist. To list the following clauses below in sub-sections that you seem to fail to adhere to...

= Your character learnt her alchemy from seemingly no source, starting from scratch, and at a young age of 17 thus far as well, something very complicated and quite implausible as "Sharingan style" alchemy. Even someone as young as Edward Elric from FMA lore had to learn it by the books, and his experimentation were small time at best, whilst more complicated things have to derive from a foundation and source. Something your character seems to lack, and suddenly just got it.

= Homunculus to date aren't known to use transmutation in the traditional way alchemists do. They have their own manifestations produced by the work of alchemy, which tend to be unique among them. They are barred from using alchemy on this site. Furthermore, making a Homunculus isn't allowed without express administrator permission, that would've been deliberated upon them.

= Why would the military even consider using her for Father's creations? The military in Amestris underwent some administration changes, and ethical conduct on a general policy is their virtue. They do not perform experimentation nowadays to produce Homunculi. And again, she is a 17 year old, even if there were some experimentation, out of the many thousands of potential candidates with a good make up and experience, why would a 17 year old girl be picked out of everyone else?

= I doubt Lust and Envy would really care to band up and kill two parents when they have better things to do. Envy might be murderous, but he isn't insane or stupid. Whereas Lust has her own jobs to attend to, and wouldn't really care as to murder people outright like that. And I am speaking of current incarnations of Lust and Envy.

= So far, your motivations, and transformation is quite lackluster and uninspired. It doesn't explain many things about her, and if you were aiming for the appeal of mystery hinting at a vague goal that may be defined in the future, then I'd say this falls mighty short of it.

- If you're a human-based Homunculus, then your eye color should already be purple. How is it scarlet/purple at the same time? Furthermore, the way you imply there is a human based one and a Homunculi based one implies you can transform into "Homunculus mode" and "human mode". That's not consistent with the lore at all, Homunculi remain Homunculi always. They do not phase in and out, that's not what a human-based Homunculus is.

- Your enemies... Father, Lust and the military like King Bradley are NOT alive today in MDA, in the year 2012 of the forum timing. In fact, why are they your enemies? Maybe Lust is understandable provided we look past it well enough, but that doesn't explain your motivations at hating the military institution of Amestris, as well as Father. You did not mention a hate whatsoever of them, and lack continuity in that regard.

- Alchemy copying others in what way exactly? You lack detail in it, giving the idea it is like "Sharingan". Imitate other Alchemical technique is not a transmutation, this transmutation is not omnichemistry, it's not science, it doesn't even fit with the basic physics of Alchemy. You'll have to search for a new technique, a completely new one, which has more in lines with alchemy than pure unexplained nonsense. It isn't even explained. Putting ((Not god mode)) doesn't remove any of its OP'd potential at all.

- Your friends from the original series are dead. This is the future timeline, they do not live anymore. You have no way of knowing them is because they are dead. We don't have a friends and enemies section, we have likes and dislikes, and friendship and hostility are decided within RP, or within agreed pre-knowing conditions with other RPers.

- You have an Ishvallan colored hair, yet your name is Aerugese, which is the Japanese equivalent of MDA. You even wear a "Japanese T-shirt", now if you'd have followed the templates, we'd have known from the staff that you may have some Ishvallan heritage with Aerugese heritage.


In the end, you need a complete overhaul revamp of your application. There are many flaws inconsistent with MDA and FMA in general, ignoring the general plot, assumption of life within FMA-verse itself when that epoch long ceased to exist. Overpowered ability with a lack of explanation besides "merely copying other alchemy", an uninspired history that doesn't even give out a good motivation, explain much about your life besides giving you "cool abilities and powers as well as upgrades", just killing off your parents immediately in a convenient way to orphan them, abridging Amestris to be really gleeful in making unethical experimentation on teenage girls that almost lack much qualifications besides a power that wouldn't be approved. Learning alchemy without any origins at all within Chemistry besides plain-up experimentation, whereas it took centuries to make technological advances based upon mutual effort and building upon the foundation of which other scientists and researchers have made. Being one up better than the original characters. A lack of knowledge in our plot summary, reading the rules, or even consulting the template. Work on the changes, which is to say almost everything, except your name, which is a given, and I'll take another gander. Re-evaluate your sheet.

[Guest]

Oh, and the most important thing, might I add - needs to be made clear, plain, and simple.

THERE ARE TO BE NO MORE HOMUNCULI. SIMPLE. READ THE INFORMATION, ASK AROUND. YOU'LL LEARN WHY.

Clear? Clear.

[Guest]

Archive date is April 12th.

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