Silence is [not] Golden

[Guest]

Darkness.

It was an endless void, it went on forever, without end, unyielding. There was nothing, nothing existed, as long as she shut her eyes, despite all that could have been going on within that infirmary room as she lied underneath her sheets in bed. She could have been surrounded by people going about their business, or they're could have been a conversation going on right in the room, or someone could have snapped and started shooting everyone, but she would never know, unless......

Nika opened her eyes and pulled the sheet from off her face. The room was empty, nothing but the counter and cabinets and medical supplies. She was only really here to rest, since all they really did for her was patch up her wounds, which weren't that bad. She was free to go, one of the lucky few that didn't suffer grave injuries in that war, yet...... she held her hand in front of her face and snapped her fingers. Nothing happened. She could see her fingers mover, she could feel them move and the vibrations from the snap, but there was no sound. She hadn't heard a damn thing since that incident in Moscow. Nothing at all, not her comrades, not the sound of RIOTE pursuing the retreat, nor her doctor speaking to her as he probed and investigated her ears. She figured it out long before they told her, but reading the papers they handed her still left an unbearable feeling in the pit of her stomach. In nice bold print, under the diagnosis section, it declared her hearing impaired; completely deaf. She had felt so lightheaded, so confused after hearing, no, poor fucking choice of words, seeing that from someone else. No, that didn't sound right. Fuck it all.

She would never be able to hear again, they told her. That was it? There was nothing more to it? She couldn't stay in the military with her new...disability. They would kick her out for sure. What did she have left? Nika felt... she felt tired, she felt her eyes water. For the first time in years, for the first time since she became a soldier and left her weakness behind her, Veronika Alkaev cried. After the doctor had left the room and shut the door, she hid underneath the sheets and cried into her pillow until she fell prey to exhaustion and sleep. The worse part of it was that she couldn't even hear herself cry.

So here she was, after sleeping for who knew how long, lifting her throbbing head from a tear stained pillow, all alone in complete silence. She began to hate herself for her mistakes, for her disability, for feeling sorry for herself. She began to hate herself for hating herself. It was all a bleak moment of defeat for the young soldier. Nothing seemed to matter anymore, yet everything seemed to matter. She felt half compelled to rip her hair from her scalp, and then half compelled to simply lie down and pretend she could just sleep it off forever. She couldn't seem to bring herself to do either, so with a pained sigh that she could not hear escape from her lips, she let herself fall back onto the pillow and stared restlessly at the white ceiling.

[Guest]

"No Dr. Reed, I will not. Just because there doesn't seem to be anything showing up on the initial scans, doesn't mean that there isn't something that can be done. We just might have to employ some different help is all." Cora fell quiet as she walked through the halls of Fort Briggs, ear pressed to her cell phone as she rolled her eyes at the voice that spoke to her on the other end. It didn't matter to her that he had to go elsewhere besides Briggs, she was head doc here anyways. Her doctor's coat was slung over her arm, leaving her in her skin-tight black body suit, paired oddly with her black combat boots. She couldn't be in her giant fuzzy tan cat-ish outfit all the time. It felt like one of those days, you know?

The man continued to ramble on in her ear, only succeeding in increasing her annoyance towards him. Some typical doctor one could find. Out for all he could make. Where in the world had compassion gone these days? Where was the sense in aiding the masses?! She could aid them by ridding the world of these useless sacks of carbon who called themselves doctors. What shame they did to the title. "You aren't listening to me. Just because it doesn't-" He interrupted her. Oooooo...... That was it. Where was his desk? She was going to have some fun. "Dr. Reed. I will only say this one more time. It is a possibility we can't refute. Look at what has been done by using it! Just because you are a close-minded fool doesn't mean I'm wrong. Explore your options more next time." And with that, she snapped the phone closed, stopping in the middle of the hall with her hands shaking at her sides. Flailing in frustration, she stuffed her arms through the arm holes of her white doctor's coat, gathering some stares at the fury with which she performed the motions. Her phone was shoved unceremoniously into the pocket of her lab coat, and she had to resist storming off to her medical ward. He could complain and threaten all he wanted, she wasn't going to end up reassigned!

Turning into a doorway, the young doctor appeared like some pouting child in a temper tantrum. Her youthful appearance, and pouty lips didn't help in the least bit either. Thankfully only one other nurse was in there at the moment, tending to a soldier groaning in pain. Cora, on the other hand, was more focused upon the young woman that she had just been speaking to that crotchety Dr. Reed about. Sack of lard... Nika Alkaev. Deaf thanks to being unfortunately too close to an explosion. She knew her file. A grimace formed on her lips as her anger dissipated into the air, the nature of her job sinking in more as she went to the sink to wash her hands before pulling on those blue gloves. The war with Drachma had taken much, hadn't it? For some, more than others. Many ways to help people, but sometimes war wasn't always the answer for that. What good had come of this one anyways?

Sighing lightly to herself, she walked over to her desk and flicked through the files in a drawer, picking out the pretty Drachman girls file. That wasn't all she grabbed however, sliding a notebook and pencil into her arm as she took a deep, cleansing breath for added measure. Right. Dr. Reed was a pig-headed ass, but she displaying and spreading her frustrations would aid no one. Not even herself. With a calm, clear mind, the young doctor felt a rather relaxed smile take her over, her feet carrying her through the rows of beds till she reached Nika's.

Peeking in carefully, she saw that the woman was indeed awake and staring at the ceiling, the frustration and culmination of emotions clear in her eyes. Mmm.... Stepping slowly up to the side of the bed, she offered a friendly smile and waved her hand, placing her file down on the stool next to her bed before flicking the notebook open and scribbling something down. It read:

Hello Sergeant Alkaev, I'm Dr. Cora Nikita. How are you feeling today?

Would she be offended at this? Cora could only hope that she wouldn't be, she hadn't had the foresight to learn sign-language for such an occasion as this. Ooo she was a pretty one... Ah-hem. No. Job first, admire later. Like when she's sleeping. Ok no, that just sounded creepy....

[Dai]

This is a memory from over one year ago.

"Damnit, damnit, DAMNIT! I'm late, late, late!" Footsteps traveled through the hallways of the North City HQ, the young Warrant Officer trying to move as quickly as he could. His footsteps made loud noises as he traveled down the hallway; sprinting through the halls in order to do so. He was going to be going to Briggs today. He had been transferred in from Central recently, and told that he was going to be working under a certain Reila Tsukino, the Ice Queen of Briggs, or so they said. He wasn't prepared to believe such rumors; he would always think of those in power as kind-hearted, at least to a degree. She would be the same, he hoped. Running towards the men's locker rooms, he placed his hand onto the handle and burst in, breathing heavily as he did so, looking down and sweating a little, closing his eyes. "Wah... tired... Haah..." Swallowing his saliva, the man slowly looked up, and blinked. And blushed. And stepped back. And looked out the door, just to make sure that he was indeed in the MEN'S changing room. Yup, he was. He most certainly was... so what was that?

An astonished, masculine and yet pretty woman was standing in front of him. She had her hands at her chest, and was wrapping her breasts in bandages as she did so. He blinked, and turned away slightly, trying his hardest not too look; but he couldn't help it. "M-miss? A-are you in the right place?" She nodded slowly. "G-good... then... why are you wrapping?" She blinked. "I am preparing for my physical." A matter-of-fact statement. "Ah... so you're pretending to be a man?" She blinked again, looking slightly incredulous at this fact. "It was that obvious?" He laughed softly, turning away in order to hide the extreme blush on his face. "Quite. What is your name, by the way? I'm Daigoro. Daigoro Ito."

"Veronika... Veronika Alkaev."

That was a story from over a year ago...

And now, here he was, standing in the door of a hospital ward in Briggs. He could only stare right now, watching Nika and Cora through a pair of eyes that spoke droves about the illness that he felt. Nika was there, and he couldn't go any closer for some reason. A single step was taken forwards, and Daigoro slowly walked further into the room, watching the pair as he did so. "Cora? How... how is she?" The man blinked, and shook his head slightly. Why was he so wound up about this? Was it because this woman was his subordinate? Yes, that was part of it. But also, he cared about her, very deeply. Not... not the sort of love that felt about Reila, but a deep bond that transcended anything that he knew. Almost like family, in the basest sense. Yes, Daigoro Ito loved Veronika Alkaev... as a sister. Yes, that much was true. Walking behind her, he placed his hand onto the woman's shoulder, and smiled, before blinking at the notepad that was pointed at the other woman. Eh? "N-nika... are you okay?" He tilted his head to the side, staring into her eyes with a soft expression on his face.

[Dai]

B U M P

[Guest]

Nika turned her attention from the blank ceiling and its flickering fluorescent lighting onto the doctor that stood over her. Her eyes met with those of rich dark brown, and the woman smiled softly, though, sympathetic smiles never meant anything good. She looked young, smooth skin, full lips, certainly not the face of a soldier. Yet, the way she stood, the physique that revealed itself beneath the skin tight wet suit that peered out from behind her white doctor's coat, not to mention the wet suit itself, suggested that she was not simply a doctor, but perhaps a special operations field medic. The doctor gave her a wave and then proceeded to hastily scribble something onto her clipboard, before she flipped it over to show it to Nika.

Hello Sergeant Alkaev, I'm Dr. Cora Nikita. How are you feeling today?, it read in neat handwriting. Ah, so this was how they were going to talk to her now? It was obvious that this was the easiest way, considering the way things were now, yet still, Nika couldn't help but feel ashamed, ashamed that they had to hold her hand and pity her for her fuck up, which she now had to live with.

She hesitated to reply. Would she speak aloud? She hadn't lost her voice yet....she could not hear what she said, if she spoke verbally. What if she could not control her pitch or tone? What about her volume? These were all things one would use their hearing to control......She would risk sounding like an idiot, like a pitiable soul with a lamentable condition. People pitied those who were impaired, they pitied them because the were lesser. She did not want to be pitied, she did not want to be below anyone, she did not want to be incapable.....Never again.

"My head...and ears....they hurt" said she, finally, in a meek and hushed voice, afraid to speak aloud and not really sure of what to say. She nearly flinched from the sensation of being able to feel the vibrations in her throat without the sounds to accompany it.

A flash of red was caught in the corner of her eye. Nika glanced up to see a familiar face peering out from behind the doctor. Oh no....no...no, please not him. Please don't let him see her in such a pathetic state. Nika clenched her fists as she forced herself to resist the temptation to turn away and bury her face into her hands or into the pillow on the bed. Her ashen eyes quivered faintly as she tried her best to look him in the face, but as his lips parted and uttered words that she could not hear, she began to feel her eyes begin to water. No! No weakness! No self-pity! She bit down on her tongue to force herself to keep a straight face. What should she say? What did she have to say? She couldn't just remain silent.

Nika's gaze lowered to her clean white bed sheets draped over her form. "I...".

"I can't hear you, sir, I apologize." She spoke slowly, deadpanning her words in fear that her inner emotion and regret might escape, or that her speech would sound uncontrolled without her hearing.

[Guest]

This... really just sucked. She could certainly think of some eloquent way to say it, but in reality? Just saying that this really sucked fit the bill pretty perfectly. Cora could see the pride in this woman's eyes, the hurt that had been caused due to this injury, and how much she hated being in this position. Ah, no. No pity. That would only seek to make things worse now wouldn't it? She didn't seen to take the notepad too terribly though which was a relief in itself, her body seeming to relax more as she looked over Nika's features once more as she seemed to give pause about answering. How would she answer? Would she speak, or no? That would be awkward in itself and she couldn't really blame her if she decided it was better to write down her response instead. But she saw those lovely lips part, and a very quiet voice answered her, "My head...and ears....they hurt." That was hardly surprising unfortunately considering....

Nodding slowly, she made note of that in her chart, glancing the file over real fast to see what prescriptions she might have been given by that sorry excuse of a doctor. She really hated close-mindedness so very much.

"Unfortunately that might linger for a little while longer, but I can give you something for the pain."

She wrote out quickly, straightening up as she sensed the presence that had stepped up behind her. Daigoro... Her eyes widened slightly, a soft smile spreading on her lips as she saw the sadness reflected in his eyes. Aiya... "Cora? How... how is she?" Oh boy. How did she answer that... First things first, pain meds for her patient. God, just how incompetent was Dr. Reed? She should have his license revoked for this crap! Sure, the war brought in a sudden surge of patients, but that was no excuse for carelessness and this utter bullshit! Oooo, she had to find out where his desk was now so she could have some fun. Another nurse came up as she returned to her duty, listening to what Cora asked her to take care of for her. Honestly that should help Nika a bit.

"N-nika... are you okay?" Uh-oh. The nurse tilted her head as the young doctor paused, her body turning slightly towards her superior with a comment in mind but... it had already been done. So she merely finished her instructions and let the nurse go do, instead observing the pair for the moment. Her patient did NOT seem pleased to see Dai there, she could see the tears that wanted to come out and flow down her face, fought back by sheer force of will. God dammit... how could she cheer this woman up? "I can't hear you, sir, I apologize." There it was. She had to rectify this somehow. Placing a hand on Nika's shoulder gently, she rubbed the skin gently in a hopefully reassuring manner, trying to be as warm as she could be without seeming like she was pitying her. For it wasn't quite pity she felt, no... Just an overwhelming sense of needing to cheer her up and make her better. Picking up the notebook once more, she scribbled down quickly,

"He asked if you are ok. Is there something, anything I could do for you? Grab a computer or data pad that we could chat over? I'm... trying my best to make you more comfortable somehow. I apologize if I have come off as offensive or anything distasteful in any way."

Ok, now back to Dai. Turning on her heel to the man beside her, she had to look up at him from her... short... height. Sometimes, you know, it would be nice to be as tall as others. Oh well. Business! "She's... alright for now. I'm looking into ways to try to fix what has been done to her ears by the explosion, but I haven't gotten very far yet. She has some mild pain, but I've given her something for that." Should she give her professional opinion right now? It felt somehow rude to talk about Nika like this in front of her even if she couldn't hear. No, especially because she couldn't hear them. No... She could talk to him more about her patient another time. "If... you want to get more details, I'm afraid I'll have to ask that we step away from her for the moment. It feels.. wrong to speak about her when she's right here." She explained further with hopes that he too, would not be offended by her phrasing or something of the sort. God this was such an awkward situation. It didn't matter how many patients you had, it was never easy trying to be as delicate as possible.

[Dai]

"I..." After what seemed like an eternity spent mulling over what she had to say, Nika finally spoke to Daigoro. That look in her eyes; he couldn't help but feel... worried. What... "I can't hear you, sir, I apologize." "Hmph." With that noise, he folded his arms, turning away from the woman and looking at the wall. If he looked at her any longer, he'd feel it well up. ...ugh. Truth be told, Daigoro Ito had always held some form of feeling for Veronika Alkaev that transpired past station. It may not have been love of a romantic kind, but he'd always looked at her like a sister; a part of his own family that he could nurture and care about. He'd taught her skills and gotten her through her own small hells. For that, he was grateful that she was there... since she'd helped him through a rough time all the same. Creta. In Creta, he was almost completely alone. Away from the woman that he devoted his heart and soul to and stuck in a place completely unknown to his mind, body, heart and soul. But... Nika had been there. She had agreed to leave Briggs behind, to travel to the place that he didn't want to go along with him. Not... not going to cry. He wasn't going to cry, damnit! Clenching tight fists, the redhead steeled himself against any feelings; hearing Cora's voice caused him to slowly turn towards her, though still not making eye contact with Nika.

"She's... alright for now." For now, huh? Sighing softly, Daigoro looked carefully into her eyes; a gaze of red that was sharpened to a point."She has some mild pain, but I've given her something for that." He nodded briefly. Pain was expected; the rest of it... deaf. He wondered what it would be like to be deaf. Or, even to just become deaf, you know? To have your hearing taken away from you without a second's notice. To have that sense which you grow to rely on stripped from your person and gone for good. To see the smiling faces of those you cared about, yet not able to hear the words coming from their lips. It would be devastating to anyone, especially one such as Nika. Sighing softly, one of the clenched hands opened up, reaching into a pocket. A pen and notepad were produced, and Daigoro started to scratch words onto the paper. Notes to himself, first. Words that made no sense to those who couldn't read; simply... ugh. Scratching of a pen, and he flicked the sheet over. "If... you want to get more details, I'm afraid I'll have to ask that we step away from her for the moment. It feels.. wrong to speak about her when she's right here." ...did he really want to know? Was it really worth the trouble? Turning slowly away from Cora, Daigoro faced the bed with a hard expression. "Ngh... no. I don't want to hear any more. You can give an official report later; I'll require that on my desk some time soon. I need to... I need to decide what to do with the Elites..." His voice trailed off, and his expression softened. Damnit, this girl had been through too much with him. He couldn't just turn COLD on her. Scrawling down a few words onto the notepad, the man held it up to where Nika could see it.

Don't speak in reply, only write back for this, okay? You are and will always be a great soldier, Veronika. No matter what, you will conquer this step; you'll do it in your usual flair, might I add. I care very deeply about you, I'll make sure that whatever you should choose happens. Who knows where it'll lead, though? Just know; you'll always have family in Briggs.

He smiled softly, laying the pen and paper at her lap and tilting his head to the side. His body sat upon the bed, and he watched her through quiet eyes. He wouldn't look on her with pity; nor would he look down with scorn. She was still Nika, wasn't she? Why change anything? Why bother? It would only make things worse for her...

[Guest]

BUMP

[Guest]

She couldn't really hear a reaction from the red haired Lt. Colonel. She had to glance up, she had to see what his reaction was, if he had heard the words that she did not. Her throat clenched tightly, nearly making her feel sick. He wasn't even looking at her -glancing away to feign interest in the blank white wall. Was it better, than he wasn't looking upon her with pity? Was it better that he couldn't see her pained and ill expression? Or was it worse, that he had chosen to turn away from her in her pathetic state?

Nika felt a gentle touch upon her shoulder, looking up to see the doctor beaming down at her with her soft soft expression. The Drachman girl tensed up as the doctor's hand ran along her skin, in attempt to give her some sense of comfort. It felt so strange to feel her hand like that. It was no different than any other touch, yet, it felt foreign, with here hearing gone. It was like they said, she guessed: When you lose one of your senses, the others are thrown into a whole new light. It was all a change in her mindset. Did that mean that the way she viewed the world would be changed forever? Of course it did, lamented the girl enshrouded in perpetual silence.

He asked if you are ok. Is there something, anything I could do for you? Grab a computer or data pad that we could chat over? I'm... trying my best to make you more comfortable somehow. I apologize if I have come off as offensive or anything distasteful in any way.

Nika nodded softly once dim grey eyes had glazed over the fresh scribble of text. She smiled weakly in reply to Dr. Nikita's attempts to help her, lest she came off as ungrateful towards a woman doing her duty... That doctor was really trying her hardest to not upset her, wasn't she? Whether she held pity for her or not didn't mater, figured Nika, she was trying to do her job. Trying to shut out the whole world wasn't going to work, they could still see her in the end. So in turn, she would don her stoic mask, and hide her pain and fear.

Yet, despite whatever resolve she tried to muster up, all seemed bleak and hopeless again as she could only watch Dr. Nikita and Ito speak to each other, as if she wasn't there. Not because they pretended she was not a part of the conversation, but because she could not be a part of the conversation. She might as well have not been there. After a few exchanges of silent words, Ito turned his gaze unto Nika once more, with the notepad in his hand -busily scribbling away at the paper, until he finally held it in her view.

Don't speak in reply, only write back for this, okay? You are and will always be a great soldier, Veronika. No matter what, you will conquer this step; you'll do it in your usual flair, might I add. I care very deeply about you, I'll make sure that whatever you should choose happens. Who knows where it'll lead, though? Just know; you'll always have family in Briggs.

Nika clutched at the sheets of her bed tightly, until the she could feel the pain of her fingers digging into her palm. Did he really....think so highly of her? Then why did she feel like she reached the end? Why did she feel such lingering doubt in the truth of his words? Of all the people she knew, she trusted no one more than she trusted her Lt. Colonel- and that had not changed. Yet.....how could she continue, after this? She was....she was disabled. It hurt to even use that word to describer herself...yet it was the truth, and she could not pretend that she wasn't so. She was below a healthy human being, she was limited, unable to reach the heights that other soldiers could reach, unable to do the most simple tasks or daily activities. Not as any normal person could do them. Where could she go from here? If she stayed at Briggs, she would be dead weight, and everyone would just pretend she wasn't. That would be painful.... to know that you are useless, to know that everyone thought just that of you, yet everyone keeping silent about it........ Though.... there was no need to stay silent about it, was there? They could easily just speak their thoughts aloud, behind her back, or right next to her. If not Briggs, where else would there be to go? Home? No...she would never go back there. Never. She would sooner kill herself than come crawling back to her drunk, abusive old man.

Trying her best to hide her mounting frustration and pain, Nika took the notepad and pen from Ito. She brought the tip of the pen to the blank, white surface, just below Ito's writing, only to pause in stillness. What would she write? "You're right, everything is just fine and I'm perfectly okay with this"? She could lie like that. It solved nothing. And it would do nothing to answer the uncertainty of her immediate future, which gnawed voraciously at her thoughts.
Mustering up her energy, she began to write, intent on asking the question that mattered most, yet with only half a heart.

"Where am I going to go now? Can I even stay in the military?"

Her words looked hastily scribbled despite the amount of time she took the write each letter; which only made her hidden anxiety all the more evident. With lingering hesitation, she slowly handed the notepad back to Ito and -with ever muscle in her body stiffening in dreadful anticipation, with gray eyes shooting quick, nervous glances at her commanding officer's face as he read her note, with her breath held as she awaited the certain ill answer he would regretfully give- she waited.

[Guest]

These two.... She was the outsider in this situation, a character meant to be part of the background due to a lack of affiliation or... Oh bugger it all, she just felt awkward. Screw being fancy about it. Yes she was trying to do her job, but at the same time she felt like she was intruding upon the two of them as they "spoke" for the first time since the war in this new situation that would become the norm. But it would only be the norm until she figured out a way to cure that deafness! For she would do it. She would figure out something. And if she couldn't do it on her own, she still knew plenty of people in the medical field that she would ask (*cough* Bully *cough*) for help. It was useful knowing some secrets too...

It was plain to see that both were suffering on either side of this; Daigoro out of inability to do anything and the sheer amount he cared for Nika, and Veronica being unsure what was going to happen to her now. She held no doubts that the warrior was also probably blaming herself for what happened. Cora sighed softly, more to herself than to anyone else since it was the human condition to feel such ways and sometimes it didn't matter how many times you told a person otherwise because they just had to work through it on their own. You could only point them in the right direction, or at least what you hoped was a better direction for them. With a crinkle of paper, her eyes followed the notepad that he produced as well, waiting patiently for his response. Please-don't-make-her-talk-about-her-patient-in-front-of-her, Please-don't-make-her-talk-about-her-patient-in-front-of-her, Please-don't-make-her-talk-about-her-patient-in-front-of-her..... "Ngh... no. I don't want to hear any more. You can give an official report later; I'll require that on my desk some time soon. I need to... I need to decide what to do with the Elites..." Inwardly she breathed out a big breath of relief, trying to not show the ease she felt now. So she merely nodded once, looking down to Nika as she seemed to finish reading all that had been written to her. God this was awkward...

But the girl answered with a small nod and a lackluster smile which left her wondering just what she should do. What did Cora decide to do? She excused herself softly to look for one of those iPad type things to make things easier. At this point, any kind of excuse to slip away was rather welcome since she felt as if those two should just be left alone for a little while.

(( Sorry its craptastic ><;;))

[Shula Brighton]

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