The Pilgrim Awakens

[Guest]

Is this the beginning of a new dream?

Or the continuation of someone else's?

A lonely church sat upon the hill, staring down at the town as it's only protector. As darkness fell through the streets of the city, the beasts that lay within ran free and wild, streaming through the streets as they did so. By day, the city was quiet and still; by night, a hell-hole for those beasts from the books of the creator. However, they never came to the church. The creatures always seemed to come close, but they never ventured into it's grounds, even when the gate was wide open. Because of this, they took sanctuary there. Each one of them were a small part of this, and as he watched his parents prepare defenses during the day, he himself took his own part. He kept the church clean for them, running up and down the halls each day with a brush. His hands were those which polished the altar, keeping the holy relics clean for his parents. They were religious people; zealots, almost. These people appreciated this "god" that they worshiped, but the young boy that lived with them always questioned it. He oft asked them why He didn't help them, or why they had to live in such a way to be able to reach Him. Their responses were violent, terrifying. This child was scared of his parents, but he'd never be able to speak out against them. He hated them, wished them to die, for that would be the will of the world, in his eyes. At nights, he slept while they gathered the Chimerae for food; he had not yet discovered the source of this mysterious meat, simply eating it to take care of himself.

Was it ever real?

Was it ever a dream?

It was about then that he discovered this concept. That church on the hill hid books from the public eye; books on the art of Alchemy. Gleaning through the texts, the boy's powerful memory took in each and every letter and syllable before he destroyed the evidence of it's existence. He knew that, if they knew of this, he would be lambasted for such acts. That was why he chose to keep this in secret. This boy, this body, this man named Apos... they were all one in the same. He had kept that through his life. He had seen those books, understood that which was written in their tomes, and then destroyed them. And then, he simply left. He escaped this living hell.

Apos' Rajan's greatest Hell is within a church.

It will always be as such.

And, as he ran away... he thought that he could hear his parents calling for him. "Apos, Apos, A--"

"--pos~ Wake up, sir." The world started to blur around him, returning to it's old focus as his eyes slowly opened from their stirring slumber. He groaned softly, brown orbs revealed by the opening of shutter-like eyelids, and Apos could only shake his head slowly, attempting to take out the grogginess. Wh-where was he? "Ah, sir, you're awake. That is most certainly good, I shall alert the higher-ups." The man blinked a few times, pushing down on the bed and slowly hoisting himself up into a seating position, grimacing and swallowing, as a woman in a nurse's uniform twirled away from him, walking out into the distance. He groaned, letting his body fall backwards onto the bed with a rather loud noise. "Some dream, huh?" He heard his voice waft into the air above his head. There, it was tangible. He could hear it, which was a good thing. Coughing a little, he sat up again, trying to put strength into his listless body. He hated this, all of it. This was wrong. "This is wrong." Apos said, voicing his thoughts to the world that didn't exist. The heater was on, though not too high. As he looked to the side, he could see out of the ice-y window, recognizing a few features of North City. Ah, so that was where he was... A slow turn back to the fore of his bed, and he shook his head.

That dream he had just had, it was far too real. Memories from a far off place, thoughts that he'd hidden for years, all coming back to haunt him, it seemed. Nah... that wasn't the case, was it? No, that was true. He had no need to think about the past anymore. Today was today, and this morning... he was in the arms of a beautiful Cretan soldier. Vivian. Her face flashed before his vision, and he rubbed his eyes. Fucking bugs. Vivian. Goddamnit. Another image of her, in that armor of her's. Fuck... he never got worked up over broads. Sitting up straighter, he placed a hand onto the sheet and laughed softly. She'd saved his life, and he appreciated it. He almost wanted to do something in return, no he did want to do something in return; a date, maybe. "Nah, she'll be married, or summat like that." He chuckled, convincing himself of that fact with those words. Then, what? He was poor, save for travel funds. Couldn't draw. He could sing, though that wasn't something he was frequently practicing. He had a little skill in cooking, though not much. And to top it all off, he was about to leave the country on his pilgrimage. Hah, he couldn't pay her back. "Pity..." A sobered smile crossed his face, and he shook his head, trying to remove all thoughts like that from his mind...

"Thank you, Vi." That was all that he needed to say. Thank her, kiss her hand, let her leave. That was all that she needed, all that he could do for her. For Apos Rajan was certain that this woman had a lover. A woman that beautiful had to be taken by someone.... Though, it was strange. It was a rarity, for Apos Rajan to be taken in by a woman. This man who, throughout his entire career, had tried to be better than a womanizer, was taken in by simply... one. That was going to kill him, someday...

[Guest]

It was done. The explosions had stopped, the bullets were still, and the smoke had cleared. No more were they bouncing about in that APC, hoping that they wouldn't get swallowed into the maws of RIOTE or death. Snow continued to cover everything, but the setting itself was very different from the battlefield they had retreated from. No... They were back in more familiar territory, though it was still a little strange to her. North City... She had never been here before. The Royal Guard, and Crown Alchemist, stood before one of the windows, poised and graceful with her one arm in a sling, the bandages that covered it criss-crossing and zig-zagging. Yes, she still had a sling despite all that had been done to heal her arm, her lips tightened in a thin grimace. If she bent it too much, then the wounds would just reopen and the healing process would have to begin again. She couldn't have that in the least.

"Miss Duchamp?" Turning slightly, she looked to the woman that stood there with an apologetic smile, offering her a mug of some drink before heading off to deliver more sustenance to people. Ah.... What was she going to do? Sipping carefully at the mug, her blue eyes stared out at the snow with a light sigh. Oh, apple juice. Of course. When in doubt they will probably give you apple juice. At least it brought a faint smile to her lips as she lowered her eyes into the liquid. What was she going to do? She hadn't seen Dietrich since they had gotten back yet, and so questions still weighed heavily in her mind. Then there was.... Vivian found herself smiling softly as she finally turned away from the window and headed out of her room, the slippers soft against her feet. Surprisingly enough, she wasn't in the crinkly (icky) hospital gown, instead in civilian clothes that were quiet welcomed after her military gear. A simple black tank top with jeans that flared slightly at the base over her slippers. Her tattoos were clear as day upon her wrists and hands, her necklace tinkling against her tags that were about her neck. For once, her long raven hair flowed freely down her back for what purpose was there in putting it up?

Apos Rajan. The man she had saved. Yes... She hadn't lost everyone this time. So why did this feel just as gruesome as then? Why did she feel just as incompetent as then? No... No she didn't deserve the rank of "captain." She couldn't even keep her men alive! She shook her head a little as she strode down the hall, the movement graceful yet clearly her military training shone through. There was just no getting out of that even as she didn't feel like the proud Royal Guard. Not even the proud daughter of the Duchamp household. She was just.... Vivian. A tired woman with questions and guilt whirling about in her mind. So she wandered down the halls to the one hospital room she had already visited a couple of times with no change in its result. He had still been asleep, unconscious and resting. As long as he would be alright, that was what mattered to her at this point. Heh, she was this worried about a man she had just met. Twas true she felt responsible for his life since she had saved it, but it was something even beyond that. She chuckled a little as she drew closer to his room, a smirk briefly crossing her lips. Maybe it was just that that unshakeable confidence shouldn't die. That she didn't want it to die. After all, to survive jumping out of a helicopter only to die shortly after? That would just be disappointing!

She could hear a voice inside his room, slowing in her steps so she paused outside the door, listening with a slight tilting of her head. "...or summat like that." What had he been musing to himself in his private thoughts? She found herself frozen there, standing and pondering what he had been thinking of. Hell, what would she say? It felt strange to be so formal around him considering the informality they had shown each other already. Vi.... Nobody had called her that ever. "Pity..." Her eyes raised as she peered towards the door once more, taking a deep breath as she prepared to go inside. "Thank you, Vi." She had taken a step and paused once more, a faint blush rising to her cheeks as her head bowed in embarrassment, a faint smile rising to her lips. No, no she couldn't show she had been listening could she? She had to banish away those sensations! And so with her normal, calm expression, Vivian stepped into the room, peering about the corner as her body followed suite.

"Ah, so you're awake. I'm glad." Her voice was smooth and gentle as she stepped up next to his bed, pulling the stool nearby up so she could join him. A bright smile was upon her lips, placing her one hand in her lap as she glanced over him. "How are you feeling?" She asked him softly, brushing a few dark strands from her pale face.

[Guest]

"Ah, so you're awake. I'm glad." Ah. The man's eyes widened a little, and he looked up at the woman who picked up the stool and sat nearby. What... the fuck? The brown eyes were staring while slightly incredulous at the same time. She came back? She'd come back to see him? This woman that was there for him that the start of that journey, when he had landed upon the frozen tundra. Closing his eyes, he leaned backwards slightly and coughed a little, chuckling. Yes, he was awake now. And to hear that she was glad, it almost made things worth it. Almost. "How are you feeling?" Blinking, Apos sat up and yawned a little, the bed-sheet falling off of his body and landing on the bed in front of him. Turning towards the woman, he smiled and nodded. "I'm feelin' pretty good, hun. A little dizzy, somewhat depressed, but otherwise... fine." He laughed softly and slid backwards on the bed, feeling a slight draft on his back. Strange, it almost felt as if he had no shirt on.... Blinkblink. A couple of blinks later, and Apos looked down slightly. Ah. Shit. He wasn't wearing a shirt. Well, this was awkward. Looking down, he watched the recently-tattooed and almost finished array on his chest for a second, blushing slightly, before looking back up at her and chuckling. If she didn't mind him being shirtless, then he would be alright with it.

"Anyways." He smiled softly at her, breaking the silence. "I never expected you to still be here, since you're with Creta... an'all. I sorta wanted to see you again." Turning away slightly, he sighed softly. This wasn't going right for him. He knew how to speak to a woman when he was flirting, and he knew how to speak to someone when he was insulting them, or when he was talking to them about stuff that he was intelligent about. But when it came to simply talking to this woman, he couldn't bring the right words to his mind. All he could do was talk, of course. He'd just talk, and see where it got him. His heart beat in his chest as he did so; of course the fact that he was hooked up to a heart machine was making this obvious. The beeping noises of the machine distracted his mind from the thoughts that it was going into, and he smiled softly at her, before looking away. "Ahem," He cleared his throat, "Th-thanks. If it wasn't fer you, I might still be up there, cold, alone, dying... or even dead, by now. I-I don't have much to give, an' I'm leaving the country soon, so I can't really offer ya anything as a thank you, 'cept my honest gratitude, an' that don't even account for much anymore." He laughed softly, closing his eyes and smirking, not noticing the tears that edged his eyes. Even my best friend hates me, I'm sure of it. All I'm doin' is leavin' him behind. But I have to, so I can be a better guy in th'end, right?

[Guest]

His surprise at her presence was something of a surprise to her as well, had he not expected her to visit him at all? Maybe it was a good thing he had been asleep those other couple of times then.... It was really sort of amusing, and she found herself chuckling for it along with him as he leaned back in his bed. He didn't seem the worse for wear, though it wasn't like he had sustained any injuries besides the shock of the fall. You'd think his ligaments in his legs or something would have been pulled. Then again, she was hardly a doctor. It was then that she noticed the bedsheet slipping as he shifted about, a faint blush coloring her cheeks though her gaze quickly flickered back up to hold his gaze. Had those been unfinished transmutation tattoo's? No, no, on the eyes. Not the muscles... and alchemy... Aiya... And she never really thought herself as susceptible to such charms of a mans body. Seriously. "I'm feelin' pretty good, hun. A little dizzy, somewhat depressed, but otherwise... fine." Depressed? Now that wasn't any good. Though she could certainly share the sentiment.... Smiling softly, she nodded a couple of times, glancing down to her arm in its sling. Pain meds could be fun....

When she looked up this time, she saw he had come to the realization his shirt was missing, and well.... At first she tried to choke back her laugh, buuuut that failed pretty spectacularly as it rang out about the room, causing a nurse to poke her head in before vanishing. Oops... Right. Hospital. Heh... She hadn't laughed like that in a while! What a wonder he was working upon her without even trying. "Anyways. I never expected you to still be here, since you're with Creta... an'all. I sorta wanted to see you again." Both of her eyebrows raised as she was a little perplexed, he really hadn't... Although... It was true this wasn't her native country in the least bit. It had been her enemy before though she could hardly think of Amestris that way anymore. There was no point in it. She was a little relieved he had looked away for she had lowered her eyes to her lap out of embarrassment, her cheeks flushing with color at his words. He... had wanted to? Why? "Well," she began, "I haven't received any new orders yet and frankly..." Here she grew a little uncomfortable, biting her lower lip before forcing herself to look up at him. She shouldn't hang her head so, it seemed somehow rude! And well... It just didn't seem right. "I'm not entirely sure if Lord Dietrich is recuperating here in North City, or back at Briggs. Either way, I haven't been told to report anywhere."

There was an increase at the rate his heart was beating and immediately it drew her concern as she looked to it with brows furrowed, placing a hand on the side of his bed. Was he... But then sapphire eyes glided over him before coming to rest upon his face, he didn't seem to be in any pain or anything so why was his heart beating so quick? It couldn't possibly be... "Ahem," She'd think on it later. "Th-thanks. If it wasn't fer you, I might still be up there, cold, alone, dying... or even dead, by now." She started to shake her head, but she had to stop herself. He had to speak his piece, and she would listen until he was done. "I-I don't have much to give, an' I'm leaving the country soon, so I can't really offer ya anything as a thank you, 'cept my honest gratitude, an' that don't even account for much anymore."

A smile slowly began to spread across her soft features, just a hint of sadness in them as her hand that rested upon the bed moved to take his and give a gentle squeeze. What sort of pain was he in besides just the physical? There was clearly more going on behind the scenes than he let on. But! It was not her place to ask. "Apos..." He really was a strange man. "The only thing I need is to know you are well, and alive. Gratitude offered, is still gratitude. It weighs just as heavily as any other. I don't need money, or gifts, or any of that. I was doing my duty as a soldier, and as a person. One human to another." Warmth trickled into her gentle expression, tilting her head slightly as her dark hair fell in front of her shoulder. Her hand moved from his own, to his eyes to brush away the tears that threatened to spill there, each motion graceful and slow. Strange.... Why was she so comfortable around him? And why had he wanted to see her? Was it just to thank her? No... no the beeping from the machine would imply other possibilities. That could of been what he said after she had noticed it though. Aiya aiya aiya! Why were butterflies flying about in her stomach?!

Aaaaaawkward silence.... It was her turn to clear her throat as she found color rushing to her cheeks again (that made three times within ten minutes. What the hell was going on?!), licking her lips as her blue eyes rested upon him. "So what exactly is this array going to be for if I may ask?" She nodded her head in the direction of the array upon his bare chest, the one that was halfway done and recently done she noted. It was still red and a little puffy about the edges of the design. What hadn't quite hit her yet, was that she was completely relaxed. She wasn't switching hats between a member of the Duchamp family, or a solider. She was herself, the person that got lost amongst the fray.

[Guest]

"Well, I haven't received any new orders yet and frankly..." His eyes moved towards her, and he blinked slightly at her statement. "I'm not entirely sure if Lord Dietrich is recuperating here in North City, or back at Briggs. Either way, I haven't been told to report anywhere." Hrn. "I see." A slightly gruff statement, but not in any way disheartened. Then, he spoke his words of gratitude, speaking through his heart and mouth; and as his hand was squeezed, his face blushed slightly red. Vivian... "Apos..." His gaze returned to his face, slight disbelief covering it... "The only thing I need is to know you are well, and alive. Gratitude offered, is still gratitude. It weighs just as heavily as any other. I don't need money, or gifts, or any of that. I was doing my duty as a soldier, and as a person. One human to another." Fingers touched his face, and his tears were wiped. That feeling of those fingers there--that softness against his flesh, he felt that and almost longed for that brief flutter to return... and then silence. They just sat there, silent, watching the ground. Apos felt words run themselves through the realms of his mind, flickering into statements that seemed both foolish and yet... right.

"So what exactly is this array going to be for if I may ask?" He blinked. She was asking about... his eyes lowered slightly, looking at this intricate mixture of Alchemy and Alkahestry that sat upon his chest. He had done a lot of research into the Alkahestry side, but the Alchemy had been easy enough to develop. He had to ponder his answer, now. He thought over the various angles of it, considering each and every thing that he could say. Well, he wasn't a soldier anymore, so he had no worries about revealing this to someone in a different army, did he? "It's a strange array, this. Out of every type of Alchemy I've done..." He pointed to the array on his tricep, "This one's the strangest. In the basest sense, it's designed to take energy and feed it into my body. Kinetic energy, electric, heat, radiant, anything that has an energy signature and a certain amount of joules, it'll translate into stored energy within my body. It's quite interesting, as a matter of fact. It's almost done, too... just one more session with the tattoo needle, and I'll be finished... and prepared for my six months in the desert."[/i] He laughed softly, and shook his head. It was finally starting to get to him. Six months. He was going to be in the desert for six months in total, three one way, three another, and a while in Xing in between. "Gonna be weird, finally being completely alone and away from those I know and love after planning it for so long..." A sobered laugh left his lips, and he looked up at Vivian, closing his eyes and smiling softly, "It's just strange... so different to planning... to finally be this close... I have to wonder... if I'll come back alive..."

[Guest]

It appeared that she had caught him unawares by her touch both upon his hand, and when she wiped the tears away. She truly did not like to see him in such a state, it didn't seem like it was something he normally was. Heh... if that confidence he had shown after jumping out of that helicopter was any indication... Or the fact he had picked her up and carried her into that store when he was still suffering from shock! He claimed to be a scholar, but the thoughtfulness he possessed now didn't seem to... match. Though she hardly knew him at all, how could she try to judge what was normal for him and what wasn't? In the end did it really matter? He was obviously in a low point, and who could enjoy seeing that? Not Vivian. Not at all. Hopefully asking about the array upon his body would offer some sort of distraction for him.

It did seem to work as he regarded the unfinished tattoo, her blue eyes scanning over him as her hand remained resting upon his bed, wanting to roll her shoulder as her other arm felt like it was stiffening up. If only she could stretch it... She'd have to make a mental note that she'd need to train it back into shape before returning to full duty. If.. she did return to full duty.... "It's a strange array, this. Out of every type of Alchemy I've done..." His voice formed a wall against the thoughts that wanted to slide up into her mind once more, turning her attention from the array upon his arm back to his face then the array as he explained. "This one's the strangest. In the basest sense, it's designed to take energy and feed it into my body. Kinetic energy, electric, heat, radiant, anything that has an energy signature and a certain amount of joules, it'll translate into stored energy within my body. It's quite interesting, as a matter of fact. It's almost done, too... just one more session with the tattoo needle, and I'll be finished... and prepared for my six months in the desert." Her brows furrowed as she considered the unfinished circle, following the lines that it formed across his muscles. Oh, she hadn't failed to notice those at all, you could be assured of that. "Kinetic energy... Interesting.... So it creates a sort of inner battery effect via energy within you." She couldn't help but smile, it was fascinating to her. Hopefully the sand from the desert wouldn't irritate the tattoo too much, or (heaven forbid) cause an infection. After all, sand did have a habit of getting everywhere no matter how careful one might be.

Though... six months so far from his home... Walkabouts could be great for figuring ones self out for sure. See the world, learn more of its wonders and secrets.. She couldn't explain why, but she was both happy for him and yet sad to see him go. He was interesting to her, and certainly one of the few friends she possessed that she didn't work with or have to worry about her lord wanting to kill or something. But once she went back to duty, when would she get to see or visit him anyways? No, after they left the hospital they'd most likely part ways and only maybe see each other once he came back. "Gonna be weird, finally being completely alone and away from those I know and love after planning it for so long..." Her eyes raised and met his gaze, the corner of her mouth twitching upwards slightly into a sort of smile-smirk that faded as quickly as it arrived. She almost commented, but he had more to say so she waited to let him finish. "It's just strange... so different to planning... to finally be this close... I have to wonder... if I'll come back alive..." Her lips tightened as her fingers closed inward into her palm, a sudden steeliness coming to her eyes. "If you can jump out of a helicopter and survive with only shock as your inhibitor, the desert won't so easily over take you. Have some faith in yourself." The words sounded harsher than she intended them to be, straightening up in her chair slightly as her expression softened slightly with her concern for him.

"Or maybe you could ask someone to go with you or something. If I didn't have to return to Lord Dietrich's side, I probably would join you." What... had just... Her eyes widened slightly and she looked towards her lap, her cheeks flushing with color as she felt embarrassment crash over her. Had she really just said that? Why did she say that? Sure she was feeling insecure about her home and her king, not to mention herself, but why had she said that?! She barely knew him! "I... Sorry, that was... presumptuous of me..." She whispered, finding herself unable to look at him as color still tinged her pale skin. Her heart raced in her chest, the butterflies kicking up once more as she tried to force her gaze up to him. Oddly it was easy now, her blue eyes staring into him apologetically. It was his journey to learn and possibly find himself so to speak, she had no right to tell him what he should do with this. God... why had she said that?

[Guest]

"Kinetic energy... Interesting.... So it creates a sort of inner battery effect via energy within you." He smirked and nodded softly, looking over to the side as he did so. She was right; an inner battery, of sorts. One that would keep him going through injury and the like, at least until he collapsed from his wounds and hunger. Yes, it was no substitute for a good meal, but it would allow him to keep going despite that. He spoke again, and they locked eyes. "If you can jump out of a helicopter and survive with only shock as your inhibitor, the desert won't so easily over take you. Have some faith in yourself." Hrk-- Gah. That was most certainly correct. He sighed softly, looking away as he did so, watching the sheets on the bed. "I suppose that you're right..." "Or maybe you could ask someone to go with you or something. If I didn't have to return to Lord Dietrich's side, I probably would join you. BA-THUMP. His heart beat loudly in his chest, and the machine he was hooked up to beeped in recognition. He tasted bile in his throat from nervousness, and slowly looked back at Vivian with a soft look in his eyes.

"I... Sorry, that was... presumptuous of me..." He chuckled softly, watching the girl who couldn't seem to look back at him. His eyes flickered over her face for a second or so, before lowering to the bed, his cheeks slightly red. He... he had thought of that, he wasn't going to lie. Closing his eyes and swallowing slightly, his heart rate increased once more. Beep. Beep. Beep beep beep beep... He swallowed again, and looked over at Vivian with a slightly different expression on his face. There was an unexplained softness to his gaze, and he watched her face for another second, before sighing softly and chuckling. "Ain't gonna lie, I had thought of asking you." There. It was out. He'd said it. HAPPY, CONSCIENCE? UMAD, TENTATIVENESS? He chuckled softly, and continued to speak. "But... I'm s-sure you have other things to y-your name... L-like a man who loves you an' all, right? Y-yeah, I'm sure you do." The nervousness in his voice was apparent now. Why had he asked that? Wh-why had he made such a fool of himself?! Gah, he'd done something so stupid in front of such a beautiful and noble woman... "S-sorry..." Where was his confidence now?

[Guest]

BEEP BEEP.... Her careless words had caused quite the reaction to him judging from the rate at which the machine was beeping. Oh god... she had made such a fool of herself... But he hadn't outright yelled at her, or given some sort of retort so perhaps she hadn't completely thrown things towards the drain. Go with him, what sort of impulses were locked away in the back of her consciousness? Granted, if she did, she could certainly figure out herself more just like he would. But it was so... rushed. So unplanned. He had planned for this, if she went, it was a spur of the moment decision. And yet her mind kept seeming to forget that it was entirely up to him. And that she had other duties that came before self-discovery. Duties that she had worked very hard to achieve, that she was proud of even if she was now a bit conflicted.

Beep. Beep. Beep beep beep beep...

Her eyes darted towards the machine that had increased in tempo before her blue gaze came to rest upon his face. Oh she had expected the blushing alright, her own color hadn't faded from her cheeks just yet. What she didn't expect, was the look that lay within his eyes. He... didn't seem to react too poorly to those presumptuous words she had uttered moments before. "Ain't gonna lie, I had thought of asking you." Her eyebrows raised in surprise, the blush only seeking to deepen at this newfound knowledge and rather relaxed response. "Oh?" But he continued, her lips closing as she felt her head tilt ever so slightly, shifting a bit upon her stool so she faced him more. It was probably better that she did since what came next seemed so out of left field. "But... I'm s-sure you have other things to y-your name... L-like a man who loves you an' all, right? Y-yeah, I'm sure you do."

Vivian will be the first to admit she did just sort of stare at him for a moment, as if what he had just said hadn't quite registered. "...L-like a man who loves you an' all, right? Y-yeah, I'm sure you do." He..She... What? The corners of her mouth twitched into a smile, and she found herself giggling at the assumption he had made. Oh it was cruel to laugh, but well... It was so unexpected! And it answered a few questions she had held about his behavior towards her. "S-sorry..." She shook her head as another small wave of giggles overtook her, sucking in air sharply as the motion hurt her arm. Oooo that would take some time to get used to. "Forgive me, that was rather rude but..." She sighed slightly, the warmest of smiles rising to her features while softening the lines of her face. "I must disappoint you I'm sure with the knowledge that I don't have a man who loves me back home. It's certainly not from lack of trying though." The chuckle that rolled from her throat wasn't malicious in any way, only amused. "No.. the only things I have back home is my work, and my family."

Yes... that did answer some questions indeed. The butterflies that had been in her stomach seemed to have calmed, finding some new flower to alight upon and drink from. So... he had been concerned of her already being spoken for hm? Now it was beginning to hit her how relaxed she was around him, how she wasn't showing any sort of mask towards him. He had somehow managed to unlock the real her and keep it present as opposed to fading into the background. No defenses needed to be raised, no appearances to uphold, nothing. The sense of liberation that followed was exhilarating and... curious. Just how had he achieved this? How did he manage to hold her interest so? At least now she knew that the interest was mutual in some sense. Hopefully it wasn't merely the physical on his end... It didn't seem that way to her, though maybe she was just being naive.

[Guest]

She had started to giggle, and with that, Apos felt his heart literally sink. It sunk below his chest, entering into the floor beneath the bed, and shattering all over the ground. He closed his eyes slightly, gulping with worry as to the continuation of her reaction. It was almost painful, waiting for her giggling to end and her reaction to actually begin. "Forgive me, that was rather rude but..." No shit that was rude, but it was also rude of him to ask... so it was fair. "I must disappoint you I'm sure with the knowledge that I don't have a man who loves me back home. It's certainly not from lack of trying though." His eyes widened slightly, and the man slowly turned his gaze back to Vivian. She... wasn't... what? That... that was impossible! He had made fully sure of his thoughts and everything! That said, his skills did lie with Alchemy, as opposed to the mind of a woman, BUT STILL! He chuckled lightly, dulcet tones spreading out from his mouth. No.. the only things I have back home is my work, and my family." At least she had family. That's what Apos would have said... though he felt that it would be foolish, at best.

His eyes now began to flicker over her body, taking note of the curves and dips, before moving to her face and studying her eyes. Gods, she was beautiful; he would admit that much. However, there was a sharpness in those blue orbs that few would seem to note. A power. A dependability, and an inner strength that few held. He smirked. He wanted to ask... He really, really wanted to. Every part of his body was forcing him to ask her; his mind wanted the intellectual discussion; his heart wanted the power of a woman to press against it; and he felt his body beginning to lust for her. Clenching an unseen fist, Apos began to consider the possibilities. He could ask her; he expected to be denied, and he didn't expect his mind or heart to be accepted by this woman. A dry laugh escaped parched lips, and the man slowly shook his head, not accepting to be at a loss for words. He didn't need to hear the beeping of the machine in order to know that his heart was beating fervently in his chest, and he looked at her with eyes that spoke droves. This powerful, yet insecure man was finally starting to show his true colors. He was only secure and powerful around those that he felt he could hold some power over; this woman was different. Those blue eyes held more secrets than he could hope to imagine; yet they also held a power over him that he wanted to feel...

"Oi, Vi..." His voice was croaky, quiet. Normally, his voice would hold power and strength, though this time... "I... I have a question t'ask of you..." He swallowed back bile, trying not to vomit from the pure stress that was pushing against the back of his stomach. "Hnn... Vivian... Vivian Duchamp... how'd you like to... accompan--no, it sounds stupid." He shook his head. What was he doing?! This was insanely difficult for him; why was it so hard? All he wanted to do was take her with him to the desert. He just wanted company... that was such a selfish request. "V-vi... i-if I asked you to come with me t'the desert for this trip... w-would you... grant me such a selfish request?" THERE. HE SAID IT. HAPPY? No, it seemed that the beeping of the machine only grew faster and louder... Keh. This was not as easy as he had thought.

[Guest]

Dear lord his reaction to her words... It was as priceless as she would have imagined it to be if she had imagined it at all. No... She was more distracted by the implications of his questions than exactly how he reacted. Though hearing the heart machine speed up was still rather amusing. It was really quite adorable to say the least. She could only smile at him in amusement and.... maybe endearment. Charming was another good word she felt for this situation. As he began to chuckle, she too felt herself driven towards voicing her amusement as she had before, raising an eyebrow ever so slightly as he glanced over her body. He.... really was quite taken with her.. wasn't he?

She merely tilted her head slightly to the side, her smile only growing as she found herself giggling once more. Oh what a pair they were making. He was taken with her, she was intrigued by him.... yet both seemed to be so reserved about all of this. Him, certainly from nerves. Her? Her.... The smile lessened a little bit as she lowered her gaze to her lap, staring at her injured arm as it was something to focus her gaze upon. She didn't know what was going to be happening with her. She had duties that she had to attend to, questions that she had to have answered before she even could really consider even going back to those duties that she treasured so highly. And yet.... She inwardly sighed. And yet she found herself staring calmly at him, at his form, his eyes, all of him. Men were so rarely a mystery, much less intrigued her with no fears clawing up from the depths of her mind. There was always a concern, a fear to trust a man completely, a fear... she might get found out. No. No he was not such a man. Few of those she knew appeared to be that way. Well, except for that Amestrian from that mission so long ago it felt now. But she was digressing in her mind already. She really had to stop thinking over things and just do.

"Oi, Vi..." His voice cemented how she must break from her thoughts, raising her eyes to meet his gaze and remain there. "I... I have a question t'ask of you..." She found herself smiling slightly, her expression softening as she straightened up a little, shifting upon the stool. "Of course Apos, what is it?" The beeping in the background only added to the few ideas that had already formed in her mind. But what exactly was he going to ask? "Hnn... Vivian... Vivian Duchamp... how'd you like to... accompan--no, it sounds stupid." She had to hold back any chuckles or giggles that wanted to pop out at the sheer formality of his statement. Had he ever called her by her full name? Huh, she didn't believe that he had... He always called her Vi. Maybe thats why it was so amusing to her to hear him say it.

"V-vi... i-if I asked you to come with me t'the desert for this trip... w-would you... grant me such a selfish request?"

There it was. She found herself blushing slightly for reasons that were murky to her, blinking a couple of times as her smile grew slightly before settling back to that calm appearance. Her go with him? He... He really wouldn't mind? Oh of course he wouldn't, he was smitten. But still... A pilgrimage.... And to lands she hadn't been to yet, expand her knowledge of the many things in the world. She giggled, this was so exciting! "Yes Apos, I'd love to. But I'd hardly call it selfish. I--" She stopped as her smile faltered a bit, reality crashing down upon her head. She couldn't just up and leave. She couldn't. And so she seemed to deflate a bit, lowering her eyes to her lap once more as her hand tightened into a fist. She had to guard the King, protect him like she hadn't in the war. Her family she didn't worry about, they were used to her being away all the time anyways. But Dietrich... Would he allow this? Would he permit her to go? This was a turning point in her life so to speak, the two options weighing heavily upon her mind, and heart. If she went with him, she could see where this path led, enrich her life with company, knowledge, and self-discovery. She'd probably lose her post as a Royal Guard, and give up everything she had worked hard to achieve, but... Her lips tightened a bit in thought. But if she stayed... she could keep those things, and..

Raising her head, there was a surprising resolute air to her now, offering him the smallest of smiles. "Let me speak with m'lord Dietrich. I... I have to ensure it is alright for me to leave my post for a while. It isn't like he has a shortage of Royal Guards but..." She didn't know a hint of sadness had blossomed in those blue eyes of hers, nor why she felt such a strong sense of longing to go with him upon his journey. "If he clears it, then I will happily accompany you." The warmth had returned to her, finding herself taking his hand and giving a gentle squeeze. He was so nervous about this after all, maybe that would offer him some comfort to this news.

[Guest]

"Yes Apos, I'd love to. But I'd hardly call it selfish. I--" She stopped. The man slowly turned his head towards Vivian, looking her in the eyes as carefully as he could. His lip was caught between his teeth, and he swallowed some of the bile that rose up into his throat. He could see it in her eyes already, the pain, the worry. Was he really going to cause all of that? See... it was a selfish request. Looking away from her again, he closed his eyes and lowered his head slightly. "Let me speak with m'lord Dietrich. I... I have to ensure it is alright for me to leave my post for a while. It isn't like he has a shortage of Royal Guards but..." Apos' head didn't move, instead simply watching the backs of his eyelids. Always the same. That church... he had been taken in by it's power, it's beauty... he had taken what was within, and left. Would he do the same to that woman? M-maybe... N-no... "If he clears it, then I will happily accompany you." A hand clenched his tightly, and he felt his entire body shaking. He was finally realizing it; he was leaving Spade, he was leaving everything that meant anything to him, in order to pursue knowledge that may never come. It'll be worth it. This was like his parents, and the church. He had left the sanctity of the home his parents had given him. In pursuit of pure knowledge, he broke the trust they'd placed upon him. This... was the same.

"Jes' like.. that damned church." A single tear dropped from the shaking man's face, blotting the white sheet with a dark spot. "O-oi V-vi... L-lemme t-tell you..." His voice was breathy, shaking, a stutter present upon his words. "Th-this isn't like me... Shit's happened, I'm not feelin' righ', and I gotta admit, it feels like crap." Laughter left his lips, the dry tones fluttering into the air. "'owever... I think it's because of some shit that... well... 'appened." He looked over to the side. "You ever 'ear of Heissgart?" Why, why, WHY was he telling her this?! It had no relevance to this moment! Just because he was scared of churches... "Well, to put it quite simply, I've been pretty much alone m'whole life." He wasn't trying to tell her his life story; he was simply explaining himself. But for what purpose? He didn't understand it, he was simply speaking to her through his mind's understanding of his words. "So... I guess tha'... if you were to come... I'd be happy. 'Cuz... I've always been alone... so for someone to choose to come with me on such a journey... it makes me feel... I'unno... happy?" He chuckled lightly; not trying to get his hopes up...

[Guest]

He wasn't taking it well. She could sense it in the air, she could feel him shaking as she held his hand, she could see it all over his face. Should she have.... No, she couldn't have just left it at 'yes I'll go' that wouldn't be right. For what if Dietrich would say no? Then she would be a liar and she'd let him down either way. No this had been the proper course of action no matter how difficult it was to hear and say for at least it offered him hope. It offered both of them hope....

"Jes' like.. that damned church." "Pardon?" She asked softly, not quite sure if she had heard.. him... correctly... Her eyes followed that tear down his face and her lips tightened while a weight formed in her throat. What had she done? "O-oi V-vi... L-lemme t-tell you..." She nodded once, feeling her thumb beginning to stroke the skin of his hand in small, soft movements. How could she ease his.. his... pain? His fears, his... these dark feelings that were swirling within him? It didn't matter to her why she felt such a strong desire to for it didn't matter one way or another. This was a human being in pain, and her friend. She hated to see any of those she held dear like this. "Th-this isn't like me... Shit's happened, I'm not feelin' righ', and I gotta admit, it feels like crap." Oh this she knew. This she could tell. After the confidence he had tried to display after jumping out of that helicopter? To see him so, so... vulnerable was clearly a huge shift in the winds. She felt the corners of her lips twitch upwards in a sad smile at his hollow laughter, the tones almost seeming flat to her on the air.

"'owever... I think it's because of some shit that... well... 'appened." Something that had happened? As he looked away, she too looked down. Aye... she knew how "shit that happened" could affect ones for years afterwards. "You ever 'ear of Heissgart?" She forced herself to raise her blue eyes and look at him, taking in the difficulties he was having at this moment. "No, I'm afraid I haven't." She answered him quietly, the gentleness remaining strong in her voice. "So... I guess tha'... if you were to come... I'd be happy. 'Cuz... I've always been alone... so for someone to choose to come with me on such a journey... it makes me feel... I'unno... happy?" He was jumping about a lot and it was a little jarring for a moment, but she could still follow after his train of thought... sort of. Obviously something had happened tied to this Heissgart, and it left him feeling this lonely in the world.

How could she answer him when she couldn't predict her lords answer?

"Apos," she began, pausing to think over her words a little. "I will gladly accompany you on your quest for knowledge. I promise it is of my own volition." She smiled sweetly to him, giving his hand another squeeze. "If I didn't have to rest on propriety, I would be able to tell you for sure that I can go. I just... have to clear it with my king first." She didn't know why but she let go of his hand to reach her own forward, cupping his cheek in her hand and turning his head gently so she could look him in the eye. "M'lord Dietrich is just. I have few doubts he won't let me go given my services rendered, but... I have to be sure. So let that happiness shine, alright? Hopefully my "parent" will allow me to go and be with my friend." She chuckled slightly since that it what it felt like. Though maybe it wasn't tasteful given the somber air that had fallen over them. "You aren't alone Apos. Not if I can help it."

[Guest]

"Apos," His gaze didn't shift from the end of his bed. "I will gladly accompany you on your quest for knowledge. I promise it is of my own volition." He gave a slow nod, eyes unwavering from their position. "If I didn't have to rest on propriety, I would be able to tell you for sure that I can go. I just... have to clear it with my king first." He swallowed slightly, letting the hand cup his face, following the motion until his eyes rested upon her own. Strange, how this light did things to people's looks. "M'lord Dietrich is just. I have few doubts he won't let me go given my services rendered, but... I have to be sure. So let that happiness shine, alright? Hopefully my "parent" will allow me to go and be with my friend." He copied her chuckle, despite not feeling the same humor from the statement. He surmised it to be his state of mind, though he wouldn't speak further on that with Vivian. Instead, the man would simply give a slow nod. She didn't understand... At least, not yet. She wouldn't know why the entity known to the world as "Apos" would always feel somewhat alone. That church. Yes, that church. He had always had to fend for himself, and when he had tried to be his own person, he had been punished for it. That was why he sought to be as much like those he respected, or feared, as he could. The man bit his own lip softly, continuing to hold Vivian's gaze without wavering. "You aren't alone Apos. Not if I can help it." No, he's not. He was never alone, though he would always feel it. Who are you? Yes, who was he? He was Apos Rajan, Alchemist.

"When I was young, I lived in a city overrun by Chimerae; Heissgart." He started speaking, making up a personal resolve to tell this woman the truth. "It was simply me, my mother and my father. Our family had lived there for years, but a bout of disease wiped most of them out. The only inhabitable home was an old church that sat on a hill, overlooking the city." He chuckled softly, thinking on it further. Apos Rajan's greatest hell is within a church. "Strange as they were, they attempted to raise me to hate Alchemy. When I spoke out or formed my own opinion, I was punished--severely. So... I gave up a part of myself. I let myself show an image to them, of someone who would listen to their every word. But in the background, I began to learn more of Alchemy itself; leaving when I got the chance." This was something he needed to say. For once, Apos felt that he could trust such a person that sat before him. Even if she didn't need to hear it, it was something that he wouldn't not say to her. If she had to hear it at any point, it would have to be before she went with him; she was meant to understand. "Coming into society was tough. I couldn't simply 'blend' in. What I could do, however, was copy people. I began to copy how people acted in this society, and I slowly learned etiquette. I became an average "person" in this world of average "people", and I slowly began to lose all sense of self." His eyes were blank, as if he were retelling this from a computer storage centre.

"When I first learned Alchemy theory, I started to see myself a little bit more; that boy back in the church. My learning continued, and "Apos" gained a personality once more, even if it was flawed beyond recognition. My master died, and everything came crashing down onto me. That was when I met Spade Aeries, and things changed. "Apos" changed from a scholar, and into a man who acted exactly as that one did. You have to understand, Vi... I ain't sure of who I am anymore. "Apos" could be gone forever, and that's what this journey is for. Understanding of Alchemy, understanding of power, and understanding of self. But if I go alone, then I'll go stir-crazy..." A soft laugh, and he turned away from her, looking at the wall. "But I won't get my hopes up. Instead, I'll wait until I discover your answer. Vi... I need to sleep soon. I'll wait for you to finish, and then take my rest. I... am starting to feel weak again." All the excitement of the past ten minutes was starting to get to him; his mind was dizzying and his body thumping... what did this all mean?

[Guest]

She wasn't reaching him. She wasn't doing right. His nod was hollow, his chuckle was hollow, he was... lacking in the vitality she had met him with. She wasn't helping him at all. She wasn't offering the reassurance she had hoped she was. She was missing something big here, and she was cursing herself for it. Vivian then realized she was still touching his cheek, her thumb stroking his skin so softly and she let her hand fall as they stared into each others eyes. Instead, it rested upon the sheets of his bed, her blue depths searching his own for some kind of positive sign. He was biting his lip, that was never the greatest of signs. Insecurity of some sort.

"When I was young, I lived in a city overrun by Chimerae; Heissgart." And so he began his tale. "It was simply me, my mother and my father. Our family had lived there for years, but a bout of disease wiped most of them out. The only inhabitable home was an old church that sat on a hill, overlooking the city." She felt her lips tighten a bit, already a sense of dread beginning to grow in her stomach. This was not going to go anywhere pleasant. Wrong. The chuckle was hollow. But she remained silent, and unmoving. "Strange as they were, they attempted to raise me to hate Alchemy. When I spoke out or formed my own opinion, I was punished--severely. So... I gave up a part of myself. I let myself show an image to them, of someone who would listen to their every word. But in the background, I began to learn more of Alchemy itself; leaving when I got the chance." This she could not abide. Being told to hate alchemy? Why that... That would be like being told to stop breathing! She could remember the jealousy that sometimes rose in her siblings eyes as she made some fresh discovery, but it never lasted long as they excelled in their own pursuits. But to be punished for a fascination with alchemy.... Her blue eyes hardened slightly. To have to run away...."Coming into society was tough. I couldn't simply 'blend' in. What I could do, however, was copy people. I began to copy how people acted in this society, and I slowly learned etiquette. I became an average "person" in this world of average "people", and I slowly began to lose all sense of self."

As her eyes continued to search his own, the disconnectedness he was dispalying was almost alarming to her, finding her hand sliding towards his own once more. Yet it didn't take it. She didn't touch him. She was compelled not to. It would be like breaking him from a trance somehow, and thus wrong. "When I first learned Alchemy theory, I started to see myself a little bit more; that boy back in the church. My learning continued, and "Apos" gained a personality once more, even if it was flawed beyond recognition. My master died, and everything came crashing down onto me. That was when I met Spade Aeries, and things changed. "Apos" changed from a scholar, and into a man who acted exactly as that one did. You have to understand, Vi... I ain't sure of who I am anymore. "Apos" could be gone forever, and that's what this journey is for. Understanding of Alchemy, understanding of power, and understanding of self. But if I go alone, then I'll go stir-crazy..." A true walkabout. And he wanted, no... he needed her to go with him. Here he was, a man reaching out and calling for help. And she couldn't definitely say she could help him. Not like she had when they first met by that crashed helicopter. This went beyond a sense of responsibility for the life she had saved, beyond just one human to another. It was one being who was afraid, looking for some confirmation and... a friend. The world was gone. The beeping of the machine, the hum of voices outside the door, the beating of her heart in her chest. It had all gone quiet, and it was just them in the void.

He had looked away, and she felt tears pricking her eyes as she stared at him. "But I won't get my hopes up. Instead, I'll wait until I discover your answer. Vi... I need to sleep soon. I'll wait for you to finish, and then take my rest. I... am starting to feel weak again." Vivian blinked a few times and lowered her gaze, feeling the tears plick down onto her arm in its sling. "Yes of course, you should rest." The words came tumbling out, taking a deep breath as the weight of the knowledge she now beared of him heavy upon her. Taking a deep breath, she raised her eyes and gave him a faint smile, rising up from her stool. Yet.... she almost wanted to stay with him. No.. no she shouldn't. She should get back to her room. So instead, she leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on his forehead, color rising in her cheeks though she didn't care. With that, she turned to the door and began to walk to it, pausing so that she could turn to look at him laying there in his bed. "Sleep well Apos, I'll come back once I have news." She spoke softly, the newfound knowledge twinkling in her eyes as she slipped from his room. What would her lord say? Her feet felt heavy upon the floor as she walked back to her room, her mind revolving about that one question.

[EXIT THREAD]

[Guest]

"Yes of course, you should rest." He looked over at her with a weak smile, chuckling lightly. She was right, he needed rest. Closing his eyes, he slid backwards into the bed and yawned. "Sleep well Apos, I'll come back once I have news." He didn't hear those words, and had instead fallen into a deep sleep. Images of the raven-haired woman, the fires of Drachma, and that little church on the hill plagued his dreams. What was real? What was simply a dream? What was Apos? What was the truth, the lie, the world around him? He would always have to consider that, and would spend his life asking that same question until the world around him fell away...

"Thank you, Vivian..." Whispered words from a now-sleeping man, one who faded away into the nothingness that surrounded him. He had to wonder what would await him when he awoke...

[CLOSED]

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