Hei's place of residence(Private?)

[Guest]

Soooooo. He had gotten an apartment some odd years ago. ... A couple of decades ago, really, when he got employed into Central Command, really. Namely, the crackpots who played a hand in making him wanted him IN Central City, but as far away as possible from them for as many hours in the day as humanly possible.

Hence why his modest apartment room was located quite a distance away from Central Headquarters, his work-place. And, well, he was too lazy to bother moving, not to mention the cost here wasn't too bad.

So, on to more important things. All his weapons are stored around here, in plain and visible sight, and not to mention, ease-of-access to Hei in case he needs them. Beyond that, it's a very ... barren place with not too many things. No knickknacs, photographs, memorabilia of any kind ... just the weapons, the packed fridge, and the somewhat assorted closet housing his miltiary uniform and some casual wear. Oh, and he only has a radio, which he often listens to rather than a television. And there is also a strange lack of electronics, minus the microwave.

It's really a place for him to re-arm himself, or to just chill with zen-like calm. Much like he's doing right now, doing some introspective moral analyzation of himself and what he has been doing. It's a fun brain game, and gets annoying at times, but it helps sort through his days before they start blending and he becomes insane permanently. What? He just wants to maintain coherent thought and sentience, and this categorical, methodical sorting and analysis is best to achieve such!

[Guest]

The door's hinges were burst through as a giant lobster-looking creature moves in, holding a paper in its claws. Snarling as it looks at Hei, slamming the paper unto the table in front of Hei's place as it separated the two of them before perking up its head to reveal... it was not a lobster. Just Nikolaus wearing a costume and having caused 5,000 Cenz worth of damage to Hei's door.

"Wow... I can't believe that worked! Usually when I kick the door, it doesn't go down, and there'd just be a large thud which makes people think it was the pizza man and wonder why he didn't knock again..." Nikolaus gasped and sighed as if nothing had occurred, except the fact that said door just flew at Hei whilst he was in his Zen-like relaxation.

"ANYWAYS! Stop being a lazy ass, I have discovered somethings about Creta you fool!" Proclaimed Nikolaus with pride, pointing the claw apparatus of his costume at the map of the world with Amestris in the center. "OVER HERE! There is a number of sights I have observed to have fat people being the most populated! Here, here, here, here and... HERE! Those are Cretan saboteurs working for Alconquiso you see and are NOT really fat, but are packing weapons like guns underneath their clothing, and a pillow to make themselves look genuinely fat."

The man breathes in and out to get back his breath due to how fast he spoke, "WIDEN YOUR SLIT EYES YOU POMPOUS RICE BUTT INGRATE! And look at the dots I circled! This is just too much Cretan spy sighting to be in fact A COINCIDENCE! Stop stuffing your fatass with peking duck and let's save the population from the clutches of Creta!"

He looks around notably at the room before looking back at Hei-whom-would-have-a-door-on-top-of-him, "Besides, your room is a dump, if we stop their EVIL PLOT, we can get a promotion! I am doing this... for humanitarian reasons... right... not for a promotion... yeah... I mean seriously. Your room looks like a piece of shit. It'd do wonders if you can get a pay raise."

See, the explanation would be plausible if what Niko circled for locations and drew on the map did not look like a head of Hello Kitty on the territory of Amestris as a whole... basically looking like Nikolaus just drew a doodle instead of actually having discovered pivotal information regarding an imminent invasion from Creta, which Nikolaus fabricated entirely from his sleep depraved fueled paranoia. Plus the need for Niko to inflate his importance as a soldier as if it were a single-handed breakthrough on his part.

[Guest]

The moment the door's came off their hinges, Hei groaned mentally. Doors don't randomly come flying off their positions but for two reasons. One, a detonation implement was used to knock it off said hinges and send it flying ... otherwise known as a BOMB, or explosive, of some sort. Two, Nikolaus was doing a douchebag twit.

'Please. For the love of sweet non-existant God, Leto, let it be some terrorist I ran into back in Aerugo. Let it be some maniac who I have no idea as to who they are and that they want to take my life. Don't let it be a certain individual I am associated with and only wants to make my life miserable. Please. Please. Please.' he was silently begging within the span of a few seconds, pleading that this was not what he dreaded it was. This was after the door had smacked right into his face ... and flipped over, and landed behind him.

"Wow... I can't believe that worked! Usually when I kick the door, it doesn't go down, and there'd just be a large thud which makes people think it was the pizza man and wonder why he didn't knock again..."

"God. If you exist: I hate you. Go fuck yourself. Hei's frown was quite visible, as Nikolaus then tried to show him something. So, the Xingese, having actually shut his eyes during the meditation, hesistantly opened them to see the map upon the table(now a bit damaged since Stuka was a brute) ... but he also saw. Nikolaus. In a lobster costume. Just as quickly as he had opened his eyes a miniscule fraction, did he clench them shut so as not to behold the terror.

And on his asinine partner babbled about some sort of mythical plot involving Aerugese Unicorns force-feeding Cretan crack drops to the point of morbid obesity and incapability of movement due to rotundity WITHOUT the aid of roller-skates, and that a number of them had infiltrated Amestris as part of the Fat Men's Society-sponsered sight-seeing tour. But in actuality, they were hiding massive nukes in the anuses, hence their corpulous bodies, whilst also being cyborgs of an extent with automated weaponry built into their mouth for a tongue and a flamethrower for a right arm. Each.

"Uh ... huh. ... Sure. he responded, deciding that Nikolaus was either drunk or sleep-deprived, or more likely, and logically, both ... and just decided that today, he wasn't going to get pissed. No, he had been desensitized to all the racist banter Stuka threw at him, so it didn't offend him as much as before. In fact, just now he brushed off all the comments as though they were a bit of lint on his clothes. Meanwhile, at the bit about how the pay raise for humanitarian efforts would aid in rennovating his apartment, the Amestrian-Xingese had gotten to his storage (eyes closed, all the while, so as not to see the Lobster Suit). And now Stuka was insulting his residence and by the time he said the specific words 'pay raise' ... Hei had extracted a sealed bottle of whiskey and already returned to his original seat, setting the bottle for Stuka on the table.

Please. Drink the damn thing, and get even more drunk then you are now, so I can just throw you outside later.' he learnt that was a good way to deal with annoying drunkards when they harrassed him at work. Get them even more smashed and then just leave them in the heap. He was fortunate to know that Stuka preferred Whiskey, and he kept a bottle for occaisions just like this maddening scene unfurling before him now.

"So. Are you suggesting we hunt down these Cretan terrorists and kill them before the situation gets out of hand?" he inquired calmly, eyes still shut. Though he did open his right eye a little to see the map ... and upon seeing Hello Kitty, he shut his eyes even tighter.

[Guest]

BUMP~

[Guest]

Nikolaus grabbed said whiskey bottle that Hei was so nice to grab and bring (to which puzzled Nikolaus as to why his partner is being a generous host despite the fact they are often at each other's throats). Thusly accepting it (un)graciously by merely popping open the Whiskey's top, chugging it down as he tosses it towards a wall after being done with the contents of such a bottle with a halfhearted toss (lazy throw). It caused the glass to shatter as it littered the floor. Messing up Hei's house further.

"Ja, should be obvious, I guess there ARE times where you make a smart and intellectual choicist choicism of choice which are in fact... surprisingly and RARELY smart." His mouth dripped of poisonous stingy insult, "But PRECISELY THAT! And for that, I have a few leads, though I'd like to see, o' stupid and pathetic partner of mine, if YOU would have an idea where they'd be hiding."

Hei's eyes being closed did not occur to Nikolaus that they were closed, merely remaining just as they are, as if it were open yet it was closed nonetheless, which passed and flew by the Amestrian in obliviousness.

[Guest]

. . . Was he really expecting anything different? This was Stuka, he had no manner or grace: Only vulgarity and stupidity. So, when the bottle of whiskey was flung and smashed against the wall, Hei could only just sigh. And again, he was asked unreasonable things, and honestly he had no idea how to continue, nonviolently, that is. If it were to come to violence, Hei could snap Stuka's neck in a heartbeat, and toss his limp body out of his apartment, but that'd get him in trouble.

He'd have to wait 'til Stuka was roaring drunk and more easily convinced. Until it dawned on him ...

'This guy is suposed to be on a massive amount of tranquilizer pills ... A bit of alcohol isn't going to make him pass out soon enough. ... DAMN. ... IT.'

The Xing-man was now unsure how to proceed. His only bottle of whiskey had been wasted on Stuka, who wasn't going to fall unconscious quickly enough, and now he had to put up with his insufferable tongue. Perhaps just playing along was the best option?

"Oh Herr Stuka. I am pitiful little-brained scum of the east. I cannot postulate as to where these Fat Men bombers of Creta would hide themslves, nor even fathom why they would in the first place. Please refresh my memory, and do tell me what you had intended." Since he was insulting himself, Stuka probably didn't catch the sarcasm against the absurdity of this whole situation, but still ... being the calm voice of reason had it's own merits, supposedly.

[Guest]

BUMPsies. :T

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